


Honey

by omgdaichi



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe, Anxiety, Childhood Friends, Daichi is the best, Eventual Smut, Friends to Lovers, Intermittent Explosive Disorder, Iwaizumi's arms, M/M, Medication, Mental Health Issues, No actual self harm, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Pining Iwaizumi Hajime, Post-Time Skip, Tattoos
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-16
Updated: 2021-01-14
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:14:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 48,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27041062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/omgdaichi/pseuds/omgdaichi
Summary: Iwaizumi struggled with a disorder known as IED, Intermittent explosive disorder, and on top of that anxiety kicks his ass like no other. He's been doing better, he's working on it. And then comes Tooru Oikawa, Iwaizumi's childhood friend, biggest concern at the moment, and quite possibly the love of his life. If only Oikawa didn't hate him.Featuring annoyingly sweet, and a little spicy, DaiSuga.*Previously "Honey, I Want To Come Home" because I hated that long ass title.*Feb 24, 2021: On hiatus until I get inspiration for Iwaoi or I randomly decide to rewrite this. I'm sorry 😭 I just don't want to half-ass this! Enjoy my other fics while you wait 🥺- TY
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi
Comments: 58
Kudos: 186





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The beginning scene was inspired by a tiktok by santa.ana.winds and thus sprung this long ass fic.
> 
> I have no idea how long this will go on for, but so far I've got another chapter that's pretty close to being done. Hopefully, I can update this at least twice a week as long as at least one person wants it to continue.
> 
> Intermittent explosive disorder (IED) is an impulse-control disorder characterized by sudden episodes of unwarranted anger. The disorder is typified by hostility, impulsivity, and recurrent aggressive outbursts. People with IED essentially “explode” into a rage despite a lack of apparent provocation or reason.

_“Do you see that one there?” Iwaizumi nodded, his eyes not looking at the sky, but rather at the boy beside him who was pointing up at a constellation of stars. His smile was barely there, his happiness showing in the way he squinted his eyes hard enough that wrinkles formed. “That’s Gemini, it’s your sign, Iwa-chan.”_

__

__

_Iwaizumi had seen it before. Oikawa showed him every time they did this: sneaking out when it’s dark enough, well past their bedtimes, and laid in the grass in Iwaizumi’s backyard. “And yours?” He asked, like he does every time._

__

__

_He held his breath when Oikawa turned his head to look at him. His eyes were almost golden in the moonlight, and Imaizumi wondered if the color was why he’d been asking for honey on his oatmeal in the morning. “Right next to yours, Iwa-chan.” He smiled and Iwaizumi wondered if the feeling in his chest was normal._

His alarm went off again, and Iwaizumi groaned before finally opening his eyes to check the time. He’d hit snooze enough that it’s about fifteen minutes past when he should have gotten up, but he still considers pressing it one more time before three loud knocks come from his door.

“You better be up, Iwa!” Daichi yelled from behind the door. Iwaizumi groaned again and threw his blankets off before sitting up and swinging his legs off his bed. “We gotta go in like twenty minutes and I didn’t hear the shower going!”

“I’m up, I’m up. Calm down.” Iwaizumi grumbled, rubbing a hand over his face. He shouldn’t have gone out with Makki and Matsukawa last night. They knew how to have fun, but their fun always involved too much alcohol. He didn’t really drink, technically he wasn’t allowed to, and hadn’t for the past four years, but one shot was enough to leave him with a pounding headache. He really should have eaten yesterday.

He begrudgingly made his way to the door, only to be met with Daiichi’s frowning face when he opened it. “You look like shit.”

“Yeah, thanks,” he said before pushing past his roommate. “Good morning to you too.”

He headed into the bathroom and pointedly didn't look at himself until he was finished showering and getting dressed. He attempted to use whatever hair product Daichi left on the counter to fix his hair, but he gave up halfway through and ended up spiking it up as usual. Daichi was waiting for him in the kitchen with a cup of coffee in one hand and a bagel in the other. Okay, so maybe his roommate wasn’t completely awful. 

Daichi smirked, knowing Iwaizumi wasn’t going to thank him, and grabbed his keys. “Ready?” Iwaizumi rolled his eyes and followed him to the door. “You act like I killed your dog, Iwa.”

“Shut up, you know I don’t like mornings.”

“You went out last night, didn’t you?” He asked, more like accused, as he hit the elevator door.

They step in and Iwaizumi hit the main floor button. “I did, _Dad_ , is that okay?” He grunted before biting into his bagel. Cinnamon flavor hit his tongue and he closed his eyes. That’s the stuff. 

Daichi chuckled, and the low sound filled the elevator. “Shut up. You’re just grouchier than usual.”

Iwaizumi shrugged and followed him out as the door opens. “Maybe I’m just getting too old.”

Daichi rolled his eyes at that. “You’re twenty-five.” He pushed the door of the lobby open and, ever the gentleman, held it open for Iwaizumi. “You’re not old. You just don’t know your limits.”

“I do know my limits. I just didn’t particularly care last night. Will you chill the fuck out?” Iwaizumi regret it the moment it left his mouth, and he sighed when he sees that Daichi’s stopped walking beside him. “Daichi-”

“You took your medication this morning, right?” 

That made Iwaizumi roll his eyes. What was that? Twice? And it wasn't even nine yet. “Yes.”

Daichi raised a thick brow at him, and Iwaizumi looked anywhere but his eyes. “Don’t lie to me.”

“God, you’re such a pain in my ass, you know that?” Iwaizumi held out his coffee for Daichi to hold before he dug in his bag. “I just forgot, okay? Last night was nothing.” He found the bottle and discreetly grabbed one of the white pills. He popped it into his mouth and took to coffee back, swallowing it before making a show of showing Daichi his tongue. “Happy now?”

“Yes.” Daichi started walking again, and Iwaizumi had to jog a little to catch up with him. 

They didn’t talk the rest of the way to work, and Iwaizumi hated it. He’d known Daichi since high school, though they played on rival volleyball teams, and when they ended up at the same college, they decided to become roommates, and after that, well, Daichi just never really left his side. He was a good guy, funny too, when he wasn’t worried about everyone. If dad-friend was in the dictionary, Daichi would be the example picture. But Iwaizumi was grateful for him, even when he sucked at showing it. He was the only one that really knew how Iwaizumi thought, thanks to him walking in on Iwaizumi during an episode their second week at college where Iwaizumi almost punched him in the face. 

He bumped his shoulder against Daichi’s. “Sorry. I know you’re just,” he sighed and shook his head, “I’m fine, okay? The pill really did just forget my mind. Last night was fine. Just hungover.”

Daichi was watching him from the corner of his eye, and Iwaizumi let him. He was used to it. After seven years, Daichi knew him well enough that he could almost always tell when he was lying, or when he was having a bad day. Sometimes it kid of pissed him off, but Iwaizumi knew Daichi just as well, and the other man never meant any ill will towards him. 

Daichi nods, and just like that they’re okay again. Iwaizumi feels a weight off his chest and he takes another big bite of his bagel, which makes Daichi snort. He smiles, though his cheeks are stuffed, and follows Daichi into their building. 

“Nice job, Goshiki.” Iwaizumi lowers the bar with the kid, waiting until it’s settled into it’s holding spot before clapping his hands together. “Next week we might even get you to 150.”

Goshiki puffed out his chest at that, and Iwaizumi smirked as he gave a quick bow before heading back to the locker rooms. The kid was training to become the ace of his volleyball team and had been training under Iwaizumi for about a month now. Even though he wasn’t the strongest, he was determined, and that was all Iwaizumi could really ask for in a client. He only had two more private sessions that day before he was back on desk duty, and when he finally sat down, he couldn’t help but feel a little grateful the team had pitched in to buy a new office chair. 

“Comfy, isn’t it?” Kiyoko’s quiet voice fluttered to his ears, and he swiveled around to see her leaning over the desk to grab a bottle of water. 

He laughed a little and tossed her a towel too. “Yeah. Is your class starting soon?”

She nodded and took a quick drink before continuing. “Just a beginner’s class. You could join, you know.” 

He didn’t miss the mischievous glint in her eye. “I don’t think Yoga and I mix very well.”

“Never know until you try.” She shrugged and gave him a hint of a smile before making her way to the room in the back. “Always an option.”

“So is you going out with Tanaka.”

She did laugh at that, and he shook his head with a smile when she flipped him off quickly before shutting the door on him. Kiyoko and him got along well enough, though their relationship didn’t really extend beyond work, he liked her well enough. And, well, so did nearly everyone with eyes in the gym. He couldn’t deny she was cute, okay so she was beautiful, but Iwaizumi learned that relationships just didn’t work out for him, and he knew Kiyoko deserved better than someone like him. 

As if on cue, Daichi showed up, and Iwaizumi handed him a towel without hesitation. Daichi taught a kickboxing class and today must have been the advanced course on account of how much he was sweating. He handed him a water too. “You okay, old man?”

Daichi flipped him off as he chugged the water, a bit of it rolling down his neck, soaking into the cut off shirt he wore. He knew his friend was well built, his arms only slighter slimmer than Iwaizumi’s own, though his thighs were really where their size difference became apparent. Daichi was a solid guy, and it was one of the reasons he was one of the only people Iwaizumi trusted when he went into an episode. He knew Daichi could take him down if needed. He shook his head of that thought and handed Daichi another water. 

“Fine, just thirsty.” He rubbed the towel over his face and threw it at Iwaizumi, who just barely dodged it. “Suga come by yet?”

“Aw, miss me already?” 

Iwaizumi smirked when Daichi practically melted at the voice of his silver-haired boyfriend. Suga made his way towards the counter and set down three containers in front of Iwaizumi before rounding around the other side to sidle up next to Daichi. “Always do.”

By now, after about five years of watching Daichi turn into the sappiest man alive because of Suga, he was used to them being stupidly in love. But a part of him still felt that familiar tug at his own chest. He shoved the thought down and watched, pretending to be disgusted, as Suga leaned up and kissed Daichi’s sweaty cheek, to which of course Daichi turned into a full on kiss. 

He cleared his throat when the kiss went on a little too longer than what was acceptable for the public. “You know you’re still on the clock, right?”

Suga giggled and walked back around to the containers. “You wouldn’t tell the owners, would you, Hajime?”

Iwaizumi rolled his eyes, again, and took one of the containers from Suga. “If Daichi and I didn’t own this place he would have been fired back when you two were almost caught in Kiyoko’s studio.” He heard Daichi choke on his water, meanwhile, Suga giggled again. Iwaizumi handed the other container to Daichi before turning back to Suga. “Thanks for lunch, Suga.”

“Anything for my favorite sweaty men.” He smirked and waited for Iwaizumi to open the container. He liked to watch their reactions to the food he made. “I brought your favorite.”

Agedashi tofu on a bed of rice. Iwaizumi smiled and nearly kissed Suga himself. “You’re the best.”

Suga shrugged and smiled back, meeting his eyes briefly. Iwaizumi knew he was checking in on him. Agedashi tofu meant Daichi told Suga he was having a rough morning, but he wasn’t going to complain now, not when the food was still hot and perfect. 

He ate his lunch with Daichi and Suga, all of them idly chatting about the next time they’d get together with the rest of their group, until it was time for Suga to get back to work; He could only bring them lunch on Tuesdays and Thursdays when he had planning hours at school. Iwaizumi gave the two of them a little privacy and excused himself to the bathroom where he washed his face and took a swig of mouthwash before heading back out. Daichi was sitting on the counter, a dopey smile on his face, and Iwaizumi slapped his shoulder. “You’re the luckiest man on earth. Hope you know that.”

Daichi smiled a little softer then. “Trust me, I know.” Iwaizumi chuckled and leaned back in the chair, a joke on his tongue that was cut off by Daichi turning to him and saying, “I’m going to ask Suga to marry me.”

Iwaizumi knew that he should be shocked, happy even, but when it settled in, he only felt his stomach drop. Daichi marrying Suga meant three things. The first, wonderful thing being that his best friend and the love of said best friend’s life would be getting married. The second, a thought that had him feeling fidgety and guilty, was that Daichi marrying Suga would mean he’d move out, leaving Imaizumi alone. And third, the thought that had his stomach-turning so much so that Daichi frowned and started to reach out to him, was that a wedding meant old friends, specifically Suga’s best friend, and someone from Iwaizumi’s past, would be coming here. To Osaka. 

Honey brown eyes flickered in Iwaizumi’s mind again, and he had to run to the bathroom before the agedashi tofu he’d just eaten ended up on the floor.

When Iwaizumi opened his eyes, the first thing he noticed was that he was on the floor of a bathroom, more specifically the employee bathroom at his gym. The next thing he noticed were strong arms wrapped around his chest, a warm chest against his back. Daichi’s legs were sprawled out on either side of his body, and Iwaizumi immediately looked down to his hands. His knuckles were clean, though his own ribs were a bit sore. He tried to turn around, but the arms around him tightened. With three pats to Daichi’s arm, he was let go, and Iwaizumi moved forward so he could look at his friend. 

Daichi was watching him wearily, and Iwaizumi gave him a weak nod before the embarrassment settled in. He could feel his face flush, and then his neck. His heart was still pounding and he was still trying to catch his breath when the embarrassment faded into guilt. “I’m sorry.”

“You didn’t hurt me.”

Iwaizumi shakes his head. “The pills just. I didn’t take them early enough, I’m sorry.”

Daichi is used to this part, and he lets Iwaizumi apologize a few more times before he gets himself up. “Come on. You can make dinner tonight as an apology.” 

Iwaizumi nods and lets Daichi help him up. He watches while Iwaizumi washes his face with water before they go back out. Kiyoko is at the front desk and Iwaizumi has to fight the urge to dig his nails into his skin when she gives him a sympathetic look. If there was one thing Iwaizumi hated more than his own episodes, it was the sympathy he got afterward. He knew she didn’t mean anything by it, but he still hated it. He felt like a child. 

“It wasn’t as bad,” Daichi said after leaving the building. He was keeping close to Iwaizumi, his shoulder brushing against his own as they walked. “But I think you should call Ennoshita.”

There it was. Iwaizumi internally groaned. It wasn’t that he didn’t like his psychiatrist, it was just that, well, he didn’t really like talking about it. He’d rather ignore his problems until they went away, or at least until he forgot about them. But he was due for an appointment. His prescriptions were almost up. With a grunt of agreement, Daichi seemed to accept, Iwaizumi pulled out his phone and set up an appointment online. 

“Anyone else see?”

Daichi shook his head. “I got you out of there before it really hit. Only about ten minutes this time.”

“You say that like it’s better.”

“You didn’t punch me, so,” Daichi chuckled and Iwaizumi felt his face flush. “I told you to stop worrying about it. Just cook me dinner and go to your appointment, that can be your apology.”

Iwaizumi nodded and followed Daichi into the market. He let Daichi pick whatever meat he wanted for dinner later while Iwaizumi grabbed the vegetables. Of course, Daichi picked steak, and when he saw three in the basket, he raised his brow. “Suga?”

The other man nodded and grabbed a hot pepper too, Suga’s favorite. “He loves your cooking too, you know.”

“I don’t cook, I grill.” 

Daichi laughed on their way to check out. 

After eating, the three of them retired to their well-loved couch where Suga put on some movie before leaning back into Daichi. Iwaizumi was used to third-wheeling it with them, though Suga always tried to make him feel included in his own way- which often times meant Imaizumi got a pair of feet tucked under his thighs because “Iwa my feet are cold,” followed by a pout and puppy dog eyes that neither man could resist. 

Suga met Daichi back in high school, but Daichi didn’t ask him out until their sophomore year at university. Iwaizumi would say it was because he was a bit of a coward afraid of rejection, but he knew the real reason. Suga was almost the opposite of Daichi. If Daichi was the dad-friend, Suga was closest to the wine-aunt of the family. He partied, a lot, and when he would call Daichi to pick him up at a party, they found out he was a drinker. It wasn’t until a bad night of throwing up in Daichi’s new car that Suga promised to do better. And he did, he was tamer, though he still went out more than the two of them combined. And if there was one thing Iwaizumi knew that Daichi wanted it was a quiet family life. The man was the oldest of all his siblings, so it didn’t surprise Iwaizumi at all. Suga had an opposite reaction, and he would joke about Daichi wanting an apple pie life. A boring life. 

It wasn’t until sophomore year, when Daichi came home with a girlfriend, that Imaizumi saw that Suga felt the same way about Daichi. He became jealous, and it would have been funny if Iwaizumi didn’t love them both and want to see them together. By the end of the year, Suga’s outbursts ended with him and Daichi in Daichi’s room where Iwaizumi was subjected to two hours of fighting before an hour-long fuck, because of course they were snowed in. 

Ever since then, Suga’s mellowed out, which was good for him and his grades, and in return, Daichi was a little less stiff. Makki and Matsukawa joked that they were basically his parents, and Iwaizumi knew they were kind of right, but he told them to fuck off instead. Suga knew how to bring Iwaizumi out of his funks, and Daichi played the role off big brother the rest of the time. He was lucky, he knew that, but he still felt that familiar tug at the pit of his stomach and the back of his head; the one that told him he wasn’t worth it, or that he was just a burden to them. 

As if he could read his mind, and Iwaizumi wasn’t sure that he couldn’t, Suga wiggled his toes, making Iwaizumi jump a little at the feeling. “So, I’m thinking about having a little party next weekend at my place.” The smile he was giving Iwaizumi told him there was more to the story. “Busy?”

Suga knew he wasn’t busy, Iwaizumi was never truly busy unless he was working. “What’s the occasion?” 

“Does there need to be one?” 

“No, but do I need to look nice or are you just getting wine drunk and rewatching Pride and Prejudice?”

Daichi snorted at that, resulting in a whack to the chest from Suga. “You like that movie too, don’t laugh!” Iwaizumi smirked at his friend’s red face before looking back at Suga. “It’s just a fun night. Asahi and Nishi are coming too so you can either come in sweats or dress up. I’m sure Makki and Matsukawa are going to be in sweats. I just miss you guys.”

“Baby, we were just with them like last week.” Daichi said, wrapping his arm around his boyfriend. Suga pouted and Iwaizumi knew he was going to get his way no matter what. As easy as that, he gave in. “What time and what do you want us to bring?” 

Suga’s grin told Iwaizumi he would need to be sleeping with headphones that night. 

A week later Iwaizumi stood in front of his dresser while he tried to decide what he wanted to wear. Daichi was dressed in nice jeans and a button up he threw over a plain black shirt, and was now judging Iwaizumi from where he sat on the bed. “Just wear your jeans and a shirt. I don't know why you’re taking so long.”

“Because you know if I look like shit, Asahi is going to be worried over me all night which will then make Noya worry over him and that’ll stress Suga out which will stress you out which-”

“Iwa.”

Iwaizumi took a breath and closed his eyes. He breathed deeply a few more times before he turned to see Daichi still watching him carefully. “I’m fine. Shut up.” He went over to his nightside table and pulled out his pills before popping the one just for situations like this. “Xanax is down, you don’t have to treat me like a wounded animal now.”

“Shut up,” Daichi said without any bite. “And hurry up and get dressed before Noya gets Suga mad.”

“As if you don’t like it when he gets mad.” Iwaizumi mumbled as Daichi headed for the door. 

Daichi smirked. “You’re right, he gets a little more rough-”

“Shut the fuck-”

“And one time he even called me Da-”

Daichi just barely dodged the shirt Iwaizumi threw at him before running out into their living room. “Coward!” He yelled, a laugh spilling past his lips. 

Suga’s place was the embodiment of him. He lived alone, well he lived with two cats, and it always smelled like fresh laundry and whatever was being baked that day. The soft white walls and matching furniture was a refreshing change from Iwaizumi and Daichi’s “Bachelor and a half pad,” as Suga liked to call it, and their brick walls with minimal sunlight. It was cozy.

When it wasn’t full of people. 

Iwaizumi stood in the entryway of the apartment, standing a little closer to Daichi than he normally would. This definitely wasn’t just their group, something that alone took a lot of Iwaizumi’s energy to handle. There were at least ten other people Iwaizumi either didn’t know or had maybe met once or twice. 

“I tried to call you, I did!” Suga was making his way towards them, his eyes wide and worried. “It’s more people than I told you, I know. Somehow word got out at work and well, you know how I can’t say no. If you want me to tell them to leave I- Well, I’ll make Daichi. But it’s fine. I’m sorry, I should have-”

“It’s fine.” Iwaizumi pushed past the two of them. “Just give me a second.”

He heard Suga try to say something before Daichi pulled him back. Iwaizumi made his way to Suga’s bedroom and shut the door behind him. He knew Suga wouldn’t mind, and right now he kind of owed him. Sitting on the bed, Iwaizumi took a few deep breaths while he raked his fingers through his hair. This was fine. He could be around people, it just helped to have time to prepare before being thrown into a crowd. There was only one pill in his pocket, and he hadn’t planned on using it until after their group got settled to watch a movie. Now, he’d have to keep it just in case. 

There was a knock on the door and Iwaizumi looked up to see Suga slip in. “I’m really sorry, Iwa.” And he knew he was. Suga looked like he was about to cry and before he could do anything to reassure him, Suga was beside him, hugging him too tight. “I really tried to call.”

“I know.” Iwaizumi returned the hug with one arm and then tapped Suga’s arm to know he was at his limit with the contact. Suga pulled back immediately and Iwaizumi was once again grateful he had such an understanding support system. “It’s okay, I’ll be fine. No one’s pounding shots so I’ll be okay.”

Suga nodded, and though he still looked worried, he got up and tilted his head towards the door. “Come on, I made some sandwiches and I’m sure you haven’t eaten yet.”

Iwaizumi followed him to the door and took a deep breath before he followed him back out to the kitchen. He could do this.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little more backstory on Oikawa and Iwaizumi's past.

“Iwa!” Noya ran at him, jumping over one of the throw pillows that ended up on Suga’s floor. He was ready to jump onto him but waited for confirmation from iwaizumi. When he shook his head no, because he wasn’t sure he could handle that much excitement right now, Noya simply brushed it off. “Haven’t seen you in a while man, how’s it going? How’s the gym? You know, I haven’t been in in a while but work is crazy. We’ve been so busy and-”

“Let him answer the first question, Nishi.” Asahi came over to them, wrapping an arm around Nishinoya, before smiling at Iwaizumi. “How are you?”

Iwaizumi got along well enough with the two of them. They both went to school with Daichi, though instead of school they took a few years off to travel and ended up living in Italy for a year or so. Nishinoya could be a lot for Iwaizumi’s anxiety sometimes. He was loud and could talk non-stop for three hours if allowed to, so they never really hung out by themselves. Asahi was a good buffer for them, and really he was a perfect fit for Noya in general. The man was practically twice his boyfriend’s size, and a good few inches taller than Iwaizumi, but he was the most gentle out of all of them. Suga had introduced him as a teddy bear and Iwaizumi would have to agree, though he probably wouldn’t say that outloud. 

They talked for a while before Noya got distracted and dragged Asahi to another group of people. He recognized the one teacher that Suga talked about the most, Tsukkishima, a tall, blonde haired man with glasses and a permanent stink face. He looked annoyed to be in the same room as everyone and he could not for the life of him understand why Suga was friends with him. And that’s when a shorter man, with floppy hair and freckles, handed him a drink. Tsukkishima’s face completely changed into something softer, and he didn’t miss the way freckles blushed before trying to cover it with a drink. He idly wonders if that’s what he seems like to outsiders. 

Iwaizumi wasn’t very approachable. He knew that. He was taller than average, well-built from steady days at the gym, and yeah, he did kind of have a “scary” face. He didn’t mean to look that way, his brows just naturally furrowed and if he didn’t pay attention to it, which was rare, he’d kind of, as Suga put it, pout. It was not only embarrassing but it surely stopped a lot of people from wanting to talk to him- which he supposes wasn’t really that bad of a problem. 

Ennoshita had told him last week that it was okay to not want to talk to everyone. Some people were introverts who liked to be by themselves, and others were extroverts that essentially fed off the energy of other people. Looking at Suga and how he was laughing and talking with everyone while Iwaizumi hid in the corner of the kitchen, he came to the conclusion that Suga was most definitely an extrovert. But Iwaizumi was somewhere in between, Ennoshita said, closer to an ambivert but not quite there. An inbetween. Iwaizumi grabbed another sandwich and stuffed his face. 

“With Intermittent Explosive Disorder, you can have quite a few variations of social personalities. You have definitely improved, Hajime, but I want to be sure you’re taking care not to push yourself.”

Iwaizumi nodded, because it wasn’t like he could argue. The last time he was around too many loud people he’d nearly broken into an episode even though he’d taken his pills that morning. There wasn’t really a cure for IED, but mostly, if he took his medicine, he would be okay. His anxiety was something he was still working on, but he was a lot better than he was freshman year of college. Truthfully, he owed Daichi at least a dozen more steaks for how much he had to put up with back before Iwaizumi got his shit together. 

“Do you think we should up your dosage? Are you feeling lethargic or tired?”

“I’m fine.” Ennoshita waited, and Iwaizumi sighed. “We can try. But I have to be able to work.”

Ennoshita nodded and wrote something down on his little notepad. “Of course. We’ll go up a little, see how it goes. I’ll set up an appointment for a month from now, but if you need to come in earlier-”

“Yeah, I know. Call an ambulance or make an emergency appointment. I know the drill, Doc.”

He got up to grab his things, but stopped when Ennoshita didn’t copy him. “Iwaizumi, I know that this disorder is difficult to deal with, but I want you to know that you’re definitely one of the more successful cases I’ve had. Your episodes are farther apart, and I’m sure it has something to do with your friends.” Iwaizumi feels a flush on his cheeks. He’d told Ennoshita about Daichi and Suga, well, he actually talked about them an embarrassing amount, and so he knows how important they are. “But I also want you to know that I can see you’re trying hard. You’ve improved immensely from four years ago.”

The thought now still makes him want to squirm out of his skin. He didn’t really take compliments well. It wasn’t that he didn’t believe them, he knew he wasn’t completely awful, or at least he’d taught himself to tell himself that he wasn’t completely awful. IED made things more difficult than that. Because day to day, Iwaizumi loved his life. He had a home, money to pay rent and buy food. He had a business he shared with his best friend, whose caring boyfriend brought them home cooked meals twice a week. Iwaizumi was happier than he had been in a long time. 

But there was something missing. Something was wrong with him. He knew the moment after his first episode when he was thirteen. There was nothing he could do to erase the memory of his parents’ faces. Or-

“Tooru?”

Iwaizumi froze at the sound of Suga’s voice. He must have heard wrong, right? 

“Tooru, what are you-? Oh my god how did you-?”

His hand shook as he set his drink down. He was only vaguely aware of Daichi’s presence beside him before he felt a hand in his pocket. “Open your mouth.” He did as the voice said, and felt the familiar shape of a pill on his tongue. A cup was at his lips and he drank, though it was difficult to swallow when it felt like his heart was in his throat. 

Daichi led him back into Suga’s room and helped him sit down on the bed. There was a commotion outside and Iwaizumi turned to look at the door, but Daichi grabbed his face and he swallowed roughly at the site of the concern in his friend’s eyes. “Is he here?” Iwaizumi didn’t recognize his own voice, but he knew he was panting now. His hands were sweating where he had them pressed against his thighs. “Did you know he was going to be here?”

“No. Of course I didn’t.” Daichi sounded pissed, and Iwaizumi knew it wasn’t at him. “Tell me what you need, Iwa.”

Shaking his head, Iwaizumi closed his eyes and tried to remember his breathing exercises. “Headphones? Suga has-”

“Got it.” Daichi was moving around the room while Iwaizumi tried to ignore the sound of voices outside the door. 

“I’m fucking pathetic.” He ground out, and ignored Daichi’s protest. “Fucking worthless asshole.”

The headphones came over his head and then there was music playing. Music itself didn’t help, but it did drown out the sounds around him. He kept his eyes closed and focused on the beat of the song, something slower that he could match his breathing to. He should have stayed home, or at least listened to Daichi’s advice about bringing more pills with him. But he’d been so sure things would be fine. He was comfortable at Suga’s, he knew every room and he was set to be okay with his friends that he knew like the back of his hand. And he could handle the handful of random people he wasn’t expecting. He could handle them. 

Iwaizumi could not handle Tooru Oikawa walking into his life 7 years later. 

_“Iwa-chan, you're not listening to me.”_

_He rolled his eyes. “Because you don’t shut up, Crappykawa.”_

_Oikawa pouted, crossing his arms as he sat back against the slide they were currently hiding in. “Mean, Iwa-chan!”_

_“Shut up.”_

_Iwaizmi watched tears well in those honey brown eyes. “Stop saying that!”_

_He didn’t stop. “Shut up, Shittykawa!”_

_Oikawa gasped, “That’s a bad word! If you don’t stop I’m going to tell on you!”_

_Iwaizumi’s hands curled into fists. He didn’t know what happened next, it was a blur of black and red. But what he did remember, what he couldn’t get out of his head for the next ten years of his life, were Oikawa’s eyes, wide and terrified. And this time it wasn’t because of a scary bug that he made Iwaizumi kill. It wasn’t when he hurt his knee at practice and screamed for Iwaizumi to call the ambulance. The fear in Oikawa’s eye was because of him, and the cut on his lip, the blood pouring down his chin, mingling with the tears that flowed from those eyes- it was because of him._

Suga’s room was bright when Iwaizumi opened his eyes. The curtains were drawn and Iwaizumi realized it was morning. His body ached, his head hurt, but more than that he felt the impending guilt wash over him. 

“Stop overthinking.” He turned quickly and nearly jumped when he saw Suga sitting at the end of the bed, clearly watching him. “It’s not a very good look on you, Hajime.”

He ignored that. “What time is it?”

“Probably about six.” Iwaizumi sighed before looking around the room. As if reading his mind, Suga smiled softly. “Daichi’s in the shower. He wanted me to give you these.” Iwaizumi furrowed his brows at the bottle in Suga’s hand. When- “Daichi went back to get them after you fell asleep...well, passed out.” He tried to laugh, but Iwaizumi could tell Suga was in worried-mode. 

Iwaizumi took the pills and the bottle of water Suga handed him. The room was quiet, and Iwaizumi could hear the distant sound of the shower turning off. “I’m sorry for taking your bed and...and for last night.”

Suga shook his head. “Don’t worry about it. You know you’re always welcome…Well, maybe not in my bed. Daichi might get mad.” Iwaizumi rolled his eyes at that when Suga laughed.

It was quiet again, and Iwaizumi took a deep breath before closing his eyes and leaning his head back against the bed frame. “Is he still here?”

He heard Suga sigh and flop down onto the bed beside him. “No. He’s staying in a hotel for the night.” Iwaizumi let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. “I didn’t know he was coming, Hajime. Yamaguchi set this all up. It was supposed to be some kind of early birthday party and-well Tooru-” Iwaizumi dug his nails into the palms of his hands. It was one of the coping mechanisms that Ennoshita strongly advised against, ever since the time Iwaizumi made himself bleed because of it, but it worked. “...I guess he was my present. I haven’t seen him since I went to Tokyo to celebrate his engagement and that was maybe a year ago?” 

Iwaizumi should have known that one day down the line he would see Oikawa again. Suga and him became acquainted in high school, but they became friends freshman year of college before Oikawa transferred. They kept in touch, but any time they did hang out, Suga made sure that Iwaizumi wasn’t around. At least that’s what Suga told Iwaizumi. He knew the reality of it was that Oikawa wanted nothing to do with him, much less have to suffer through a night with him. 

Suga was still talking, rambling because he was feeling guilty, and Iwaizumi cut him off before he could apologize again. “Suga, please… I don’t want to talk about it. But just… know I don’t blame you or anything, alright?”

“Alright,” Suga said after a moment. Iwaizumi envied the ease with which he could get over something. “Let me make you breakfast?”

“Someone say breakfast?” 

Suga chased Daichi out of the room so Iwaizumi could fully wake up.

Matsukawa rarely came to the gym, and when he did it was mostly just to bug Iwaizumi. “So, we going out tonight or are you gonna chicken out on me again?”

Iwaizumi pumped out two more reps before he laid down on the floor and wiped his face with his towel. “Can’t,” he panted. 

“You can’t?” Matsukawa followed him over to the leg press. “You don’t have plans, so what’s the real reason?”

“Just can’t.” He let out a breath before he pushed his legs against the weights. The ache in his legs felt good, even though he knew he’d feel it stronger tomorrow. 

Matsukawa groaned and stood in front of him. “Come on. Suga told me I had to take you out and distract you for the night.” Iwaizumi stopped. “We won’t go to a bar, okay? How about-”

“Why does Suga want to distract me?”

“Please tell me you’re not this stupid.” Matsukawa frowned at him, his brows pulling together just so that Iwaizumi could kind of see what Daichi meant when he said they could be brothers. “Oikawa’s in town, man.”

Iwaizumi pushed his legs out, a little too fast, and he knew he’d feel that in the morning. “I know that. So what? He doesn’t want to see me anyway.”

“Iwa-”

“I said I can’t, alright?” Iwaizumi pulled his legs towards his chest and added more weight before struggling to push it back. “Just- fuck off.”

His legs were shaking by the time he pulled them back and set them back down onto the ground. Matsukawa knew him longer than Daichi, but he didn’t know the depths of Iwaizumi’s problems, only the fact that when Iwaizumi snapped like that, he had to give him some space. And in that space, Iwaizumi beat himself up over the way he talked to his friend. 

“Sorry.” 

Matsukawa shrugged. “If you’re done throwing a bitch fit...”

Iwaizumi huffed a laugh and stood up to head back to the main desk. Matsukawa, while not perfectly in sync with Iwaizumi, knew how to snap him back to reality fairly quickly. Makki called it tough love, but Iwaizumi was pretty sure Matsukawa just didn’t know what else to do other than be a smart ass. 

“I’ll pick you up at eight, yeah? We’ll have fun. I promise.”

Iwaizumi had no other choice but to agree, and he let Matsukawa steal a protein bar before heading out of the building. 

He was on desk duty again today, but they were slow since it was around lunchtime on a Sunday. Daichi was teaching a kids class today, and Iwaizumi busied himself with a bit of paperwork while he waited for it to wrap up. 

“Nice place.”

Iwaizumi’s “Thank you,” was at the tip of his tongue when he looked up. His mouth went dry and he could practically feel his hands start to sweat at the sight of Oikawa in front of him. 

He was beautiful, and Iwaizumi wanted to kick himself for that being his first thought. Oikawa was always beautiful, but now he was taller, a bit broader, but his eyes were still the same. Honey brown and staring at him. Staring at Iwaizumi. 

And waiting for him to say something. 

He stood up slowly, gauging Oikawa’s reaction at his movement. And a sort of relief washed over him when Oikawa didn’t flinch or move back. In fact, he stood a bit taller.

“Thanks.” He stuttered. Like an idiot. His hands were sweating as much as the rest of him, and he suddenly remembered what he was wearing. How he probably looked disgusting after his workout. He wanted to apologize, for his looks now and for everything in the past. Maybe tell Oikawa he spent the last ten years trying to build up the courage to say anything at all to him. But all that came out was a gruff. “What are you doing here?”

Oikawa, instead of being offended, smirked, his eyes told Iwaizumi he was pissed. Oikawa’s eyes were always so expressive. It was the only way Iwaizumi knew what Oikawa was truly thinking. “I see you’re as rude as ever, Iwaizumi-san.”

And that. His name coming out like that from Oikawa’s mouth was probably worse than Oikawa telling him to fuck off and die in a ditch. “I didn’t mean- I’m sorry I just didn’t expect-”

“I’m here to give Daichi something from Suga. He couldn’t make it today so I offered to bring it for him.” It was then that Iwaizumi saw the familiar containers in his hands. “Why Daichi needs two lunches, I don’t know. But, I suppose I can leave them here.”

Oikawa had an air about him. He was trying so hard to seem unaffected, but Iwaizumi noticed the way Oikawa’s eyes traveled down Iwaizumi’s arms, his eyes widening a bit at the site of Iwaizumi’s tattoos. But then he stopped at his hands. Iwaizumi involuntarily clenched his fists, and there it was. Oikawa’s face twitched into a snarkier smirk, but his eyes were all Iwaizumi needed to see. 

He was still scared. He still hated Iwaizumi. 

His heart sank to his stomach as he nodded. “Right.” His voice sounded rough, even he could tell. “I’ll tell him you dropped by.”

Oikawa watched him for another few seconds before he nodded and turned to walk out of the building. It was only then that Iwaizumi noticed he wasn’t wearing his ring. 

Iwaizumi saw Suga’s texts about Oikawa coming in after he finished his lunch, the small portion he forced himself to eat. He replied to tell Suga to stop worrying again when Daichi came out from the locker room showers. He was frowning down at his phone and Iwaizumi could only assume Suga texted him too. 

“I’m fine,” Iwaizumi said before Daichi could ask if he was okay. “It’s fine.”

“Iwa, you’re shaking.”

Iwaizumi looked down at his hand and saw that Daichi was right. “I’m fine.”

“Did you-”

“Jesus fuck, Daichi!” He sprung up from his chair and rounded on Daichi. “I said I’m fucking fine, alright? What the fuck do I have to do for you to just get off my fucking back?”

“Iwa, back up.”

Iwaizumi’s heart was pounding now. His vision was a little blurry, and he didn’t realize it was tears until he remembered he’d stopped sweating ten minutes ago. “Fucking. F-fucking punch me, Dai. Just do it, okay? Please, man.” He gripped the front of Daichi’s shirt. “My head’s gonna explode. Just do it.” Hands wrapped around his wrists and Iwaizumi ripped his hands away. “Fuck you. Fuck you, Daichi.” He fell back onto the floor and pulled his knees up to his chest. He wanted to punch something, preferably Daichi, the ground, one of the mirrors that made him look at himself- tears drying on his cheeks, his face red and the vein in his neck protruding in an ugly way. He watched his hands flex, his forearms bulge. Iwaizumi tucked his head down between his knees and dug his fingers into his scalp, his nails biting at his skin. “Fuck you!” he yelled again, but this time it was aimed at himself. “Fuck you.” 

He was pathetic. 

Daichi didn’t talk to him on the walk home, and Iwaizumi didn’t bother trying to apologize. He knew Daichi had the right to be pissed at him right now, and the slamming of his bedroom door was enough to let Iwaizumi know he’d fucked up. In his own room, he plopped down onto his bed and ran a hand through his hair. It wasn’t the first time this happened, and he was sure it wouldn’t be the last, but it has been a while since he yelled at Daichi like that. Though he knew the yelling wasn’t the real problem. 

The problem was that Iwaizumi asked Daichi to hit him. 

Daichi didn’t have an aversion to hitting people. He was a trained kickboxer and before they bought the gym, he was training to fight professionally. If it weren't for the gym and Suga’s fear of Daichi getting hurt, Daichi would be hitting people for a living. The problem lied in Daichi’s fear of hurting people he cared about, and his fear of seeing Iwaizumi hurt in particular in this case. 

He heard Daichi’s door open and shut, and for a few minutes there were loud noises in the kitchen before he heard the familiar sound of keys at the door. It felt like an hour passed before Iwaizumi got a text. 

Daichi: I’m going to Suga’s for the night. 

Iwaizumi took solace in the fact that Daichi didn’t hate him enough to leave without saying anything. He texted Matsukawa and told him he couldn't make it tonight. Laying back on his bed, Iwaizumi let his eyes drift shut. This week was already too much. 

**Oikawa**

“You’re a bitch, you know that?”

Suga had the audacity to look shocked. “Says you.”

Oikawa set his bag down onto the ground and toed off his shoes. “You could have warned me Iwaizumi was going to be there.”

“He works with Daichi, honey, I figured your pretty little head would figure that out.” Suga smiled sweetly, but Oiakwa knew him better. He took the wine his friend was offering nonetheless and sat beside him on the couch. “It couldn’t have been that bad.”

Shaking his head, Oikawa sighed before taking a sip of the wine. “That’s the problem.” Oikawa wasn’t really sure what to think anymore. His brain was running a mile a minute, but right now it was only showing him a picture of Iwaizumi, staring at him like he was the sun. “He seems…”

“Hot?”

Oikawa whacked Suga’s shoulder and gave him a stern look. “Stop it.”

Suga shrugged, though he at least had the courtesy to pretend to look sorry. The two of them sat quietly for a bit, the skies just starting to spit at the windows. “He’s doing better, Tooru.” Suga poked a socked foot at Oikawa’s thigh. “He’s a good man.”

“I don’t doubt that he is.” Oikawa’s voice was firm, only because he knew that his statement was true. There was never a moment in Oikawa’s life where he doubted that Iwaizumi was anything but good. Not even when he thought he hated the man. “It’s just difficult. For… whatever reason.”

Suga shifted down into the cushions. “It was good to see him, though, wasn’t it?”

Oikawa hummed in an agreement. “I wasn’t sure what it would be like. I don’t think I’m quite ready to...I’m not scared of him,” he sighed and shook the thought out of his head. “We were kids when he...when he had his episode. I know it’s not him, Suga, I do. I think I’m just very…”

“There’s nothing wrong with wanting to protect yourself, Tooru.” Suga wiggled his toes again and Oikawa turned to look at his friend. “I don’t think your ready to do anything like talk to him about it, but Hajime is my friend and since you’re staying here for….” he trailed off, waiting for Oikawa to finish, but he couldn’t answer. Right now, Oikawa had no idea what he was going to do. He gave Suga what he assumed was a pathetic sort of smile. “Well, either way, you’ll be seeing him more. He’s really working on himself. He’s never hurt me and I think he’d hate himself even more if he hurt you again.”

Oikawa took a sip of wine and leaned back on the couch. “It’s not really Iwaizumi that I’m worried about.” He could feel Suga staring at him, even though he refused to look. “I know he’s better, I can tell just by looking at him. I think it will take a while for me not to be wary, because I’m not around him as much as you and Daichi are, but…” he turned his head and figured he was pouting by the way Suga copied him. “I don’t… Suga I don’t want things to go back to how they were.”

“What do you mean?”

Oikawa closed his eyes and tried to keep his heart at a steady pace. Being there with Suga reminded him of college when they would sneak a bottle of wine into Oikawa’s dorm room and talk about how bad Suga’s crush was on Daichi, how Oikawa’s chemistry partner had a tongue piercing that he thought about having his lips, how they would watch sappy movies and cry when Daichi got a girlfriend and of course, how Oikawa was lonely. He remembered a night, specifically the week before Halloween because Suga had come over with bunny ears on, where he told Suga everything that happened. He told him about how he and Iwaizumi grew up close, how they would sit and watch the stars for hours or how Iwaizumi would bring him pretty rocks. Suga was laughing, probably thinking about how cute they were as kids, and the thought did still bring a smile to Oikawa’s face. 

But the wine kicked in and then he was crying. He told Suga about what happened on the slide that day. How he ran away from Iwaizumi with a bloody lip and woke up the next day with a bruise on his jaw; with his heartbroken. Oikawa told him how he was scared of Iwaizumi and didn’t go to school for a week before his parents transferred him to a private school where he never saw Iwaizumi until college, years later. He begged Suga not to hate Iwaizumi, and he knew Suga wouldn't, because to most people it was probably a little funny. A seven-year-old punching another seven-year-old at the playground. But it was only Oikawa that saw Iwaizumi’s face, scrunched up and red, his eyes completely changed to someone Oikawa didn’t know. He had nightmares of Iwaizumi’s face, of the pain that nearly made him lose a tooth. But the worst part, the part that had him waking up in tears that wracked his body, was the look on Iwaizumi’s face afterward when he’d realized what happened. 

“I don’t want to hurt him again.”

**Iwaizumi:** I’m sorry.

 **Daichi:** Did you take your pills?

He rolled his eyes. 

**Iwaizumi:** Yes.

 **Daichi:** Okay. I forgave you last night.

Iwaizumi smiled, a barely-there movement at the right corner of his mouth. A small amount of tension drained from his shoulders before he decided to finally rolled out of bed. After a long, hot shower, he padded out into the kitchen to find something edible. He settled on eggs that he nearly burnt and black coffee to wake him up, well the bitterness of it did. He wasn’t allowed caffeine. 

**Daichi:** Suga wants to get lunch later at that new bakery. 

**Iwaizumi:** I’m drinking coffee

 **Daichi:** ???

 **Iwaizumi:** I thought we were just stating facts.

 **Daichi:** You’re annoying.

 **Daichi:** Do you want to have lunch with me and Suga at the new bakery, dick?

Iwaizumi laughed and gave up on his eggs. 

**Iwaizumi:** Sure. Suga has good taste.

 **Daichi:** He sure does.

 **Iwaizumi:** Ew.

 **Daichi:** He also wants me to ask if you’d be okay if Oikawa comes with? He hasn’t mentioned it to him yet so you can say no. 

His fingers hesitate over the keyboard. His first instinct is to say no, he probably won’t be okay if he has to be with Oikawa that long. Earlier, the only reason he kept himself together so well was because he was in shock. But he also didn’t want to be the reason Suga couldn’t be around his friends. He knew how Suga was. Suga wouldn’t make Iwaizumi feel bad about it if he said no, but Suga did love his friends. Back in college he wanted to be around them all the time, but Iwaizumi couldn’t handle that many people and he definitely couldn’t handle being around Oikawa. He’s not sure that Suga remembered when he got drunk and cried on Iwaizumi’s shoulder that he just wanted all his friends to love each other as much as he loved them, but the thought stuck with Iwaizumi. 

**Suga:** You’re either shitting or contemplating an answer and I’m serious, Hajime. Tooru doesn’t have to come with us. It’s just if you want to. He’s staying on my couch so I see plenty of him.

Iwaizumi sighs. He hates that his friends can read him so easily. It hurt to know he couldn’t give Suga that simple request, especially after all that Suga’s done for him. 

And Iwaizumi is doing better. He is.

 **Iwaizumi:** Invite him. I’ll be okay. 

**Suga:** You sure?

 **Iwaizumi:** Yes.

 **Suga:** OKAY!!! MEET US THERE AT 12:30!!!! IT’S GOING TO BE FUN. I PROMISE I’LL BUY YOU ONE OF THOSE CHOCOLATE CROISSANTS, OKAY??? :D

He figures that even if he’s not ready, Suga’s happiness is worth a little pain.

After spending too long deciding on what to wear, and only settling on his black jeans and a dark green sweater he’s pretty sure is Daichi’s, Iwaizumi is about five minutes late and hating himself for it. The bakery took a little bit to find and when he was a block away he nearly turned back home two times. He was nervous, plain and simple. Not so nervous that he needed to go home, but nervous enough that the idea of just telling Daichi he wasn’t feeling good didn’t sound like an awful idea. But he knew he could do this. He’d gotten over the shock of Oikawa being here. He’d seen him. He’d talked to him. And now, if he got nervous or fidgety, Daichi or Suga could take over the conversation. He wasn’t alone. It was fine. 

The bakery was smaller than he’d expected, but modern and relaxing when he stepped in. It not only smelled amazing, but he immediately felt comfortable. There weren’t too many people and the tables were spread far enough apart that he didn’t feel closed in. He saw Daichi first, his large build practically blocking Suga, and if he hadn’t heard Suga’s chipper laugh he’d have assumed he wasn’t there yet. 

As he walked closer to the table in the back, Oikawa came into view, and Iwaizumi automatically shoved his hands into his pockets. He looked… good. No, he looked beautiful. His hair was perfect, the blue sweater he wore was soft and light, just like the skin of his collarbone that showed when he reached across the table to grab the cream. 

He saw Iwaizumi first, and the smile on his face fell a little. But then Suga was in front of him and pulling Iwaizumi to the table. “You’re late,” Suga said, but it was only for Iwaizumi to hear. He was sure his friend was smiling. “You’re lucky you look nice.”

He knew Suga was joking. He was put at ease when he got to sit by Daichi, Suga moving around the table to sit beside Oikawa. “Sorry I’m late.”

Daichi bumped him with his elbow. “It’s fine. Suga just hasn't gotten to check out the pastries yet and he’s grumpy.”

Suga scoffed and Iwaizumi watched as Oikawa chuckled. He still hadn’t looked at him yet. Iwaizumi’s stomach was still in knots. 

“I am not grumpy.” Suga pouted and if it weren’t for the twinkle in his eye, Iwaizumi might have been worried they’d have to deal with petty-Suga for the rest of the day. He turned his pout to Iwaizumi. “I just really want to try everything but Daichi’s limiting me only two!”

“How mean, Daichi.” Iwaizumi looked over to see Oikawa copying Suga’s pout almost perfectly. It was amusing, but also kind of freaked him out. “He should at least be allowed three.”

“I’m limiting him to two because he’d get mad at me later for letting him eat too many sweets,” Daichi said, taking a sip of his coffee before standing up. “I’m going to go order for us. Iwa, you’re okay with pork?”

Iwaizumi nodded. “It’s fine. Want me to-”

“Nope. Got it.” He flashed a smile before heading to the counter. Iwaizumi turned to face Suga and Oikawa, the latter not looking directly at him. “I-”

“Tooru’s staying for a while.” Suga cut him off, leaning on the table to sip at whatever he was drinking. Probably an iced tea with too much sugar. “Maybe a week. Maybe more.”

Iwaizumi took a chance and looked over at Oikawa, only to find the other man watching him. Maybe waiting for a reaction. “Oh.” God, he was lame. “What-uh what brings you here?”

Oikawa set his hand on the table and wrapped it around his drink. He’s always had beautiful hands, long delicate fingers that used to point stars out to him. His heart started to beat a little faster and he tore them away, only to meet honey brown eyes that stared right back at him. It wasn’t fair that he was so affected by Oikawa, and yet Oikawa seemed something akin to bored by Iwaizumi. His face was nearly expressionless, his eyes just on the side of cold.

“I broke up with my fiance.” He said it with no emotion, like he was telling them the weather was nice. Iwaizumi didn’t know what to say. Oikawa dragged his eyes away, and he felt as though he could breathe again. “As of right now I’m taking a leave of absence from the world and hiding from my problems.”

Iwaizumi knew how to do that. He did that for middle school and most of high school. He suspected Oikawa knew that too. 

“I’m sorry,” he said. Looking to Suga for a bit of guidance. His eyes hopefully screaming ‘Help me out here!’ “About your break up.”

He felt Oikawa study him, like he was deciding whether or not to believe him. Iwaizumi really was sorry. He didn’t know Oikawa’s fiance, but he’d seen pictures of him. Specifically, he’d seen one that Suga posted when he’d visited Oikawa to celebrate the engagement. Oikawa was tucked under the arm of a man a few inches taller than him, broad, probably broader than him and Daichi. He was handsome and Oikawa looked happy. He wanted to ask what happened, but he knew he didn’t have a right to know. 

Daichi came back to save the mood of the table, bearing food and an iced tea for Iwaizumi. The four of them ate, Suga and Daichi mostly carrying the conversation while Oikawa jumped in a few times. Iwaizumi was listening, well he was trying to. His head was full and it took a lot of his energy to try and not focus completely on Oikawa. Maybe it wasn’t a good idea to come here.

Suga had finished eating his salad and by the time Daichi was nearly done, even Iwaizumi could pick up on the seemingly telepathic message Suga was sending. Daichi sighed as he finished his sandwich, and Suga smiled at him- the one that meant he was going to get what he wanted. “Come on. Let’s pick something out.”

Suga sprung up from his chair and practically ran to Daichi’s side. “Have I told you I loved you today?” Daichi rolled his eyes but Iwaizumi knew he didn’t mean it. “Chocolate croissant for Hajime and a slice of milk bread for Tooru, hm?”

Oikawa nodded with Iwaizumi, and then the two were off. 

Iwaizumi realized that meant he and Oikawa were alone again. 

He figured drinking his iced tea would be a good way to fill the gap of silence, but after one sip it was gone. When he looked up, Oikawa was watching him again, but his eyes were a lot softer. It made Iwaizumi want to throw up all the food he just ate. 

“I’m not going to bite, you know.” 

Iwaizumi blinked and pulled his hands back into his lap. “Sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologize so much, either.”

“S-”

Oikawa smirked, and Iwaizumi took a deep breath. He could do this. For god sake, he was a twenty-five-year-old man. He could have a damn conversation with someone. It was fine. 

“I meant what I said the other day,” Oikawa started. “About the gym- your gym- being nice. Seems like you two do well.”

He nodded, reminding himself to sit up straight and not slouch. “Thanks.” He cleared his throat. “We do okay. It’s fun, most of the time. We have a steady client base and they keep us going.”

“And fit too.” Iwaizumi looked up sharply, only to see Oikawa blushing this time. It made him look adorable. Iwaizumi’s stomach did a flip. “I mean- obviously you never were unfit. You just. You know it must keep you in shape. Being around...all the gym things.”

“Gym things?” Iwaizumi felt his mouth twitch upwards into a smile. His heart was beating rapidly. 

Oikawa huffed and shook his head. “You know what I mean.” He was flustered, and Iwaizumi couldn’t look away. “Just forget it, okay?”

Iwaizumi nodded, a part of him flattered while the other part was trying to figure out what to say next. “You… you look-” Oikawa met his eyes from across the table and he swallowed his words. “How have you been?”

That wasn’t what he wanted to say. He wanted to tell Oikawa he looked good, that he was truly beautiful. But he wasn’t ready for that, and by the relieved look Oikawa gave off, he wasn’t ready for it either. 

“Good, well. I was good. And then…” He gave a long sigh, a piece of his hair falling in front of his eyes. “I’m here now. I suppose that’s what is the most interesting out of everything. Suga’s good company, I feel a lot better.” 

Iwaizumi wasn’t sure what to say. Normally in this situation, when someone was essentially telling someone else they weren’t doing the best, they would be comforted. But Iwaizumi wasn’t the right person to comfort Oikawa.

Thankfully, that was the moment Daichi and Suga came back, a plate of pastries in Suga’s hand and a bright yellow box in Daichi’s. Iwaizumi ignored Daichi’s eyes on him, searching to see if he was okay. 

“That looks like more than one extra pastry,” Oikawa said with a smirk as everyone sat down. 

Daichi grabbed his food and sighed. “He’s sneaky.”

Suga grinned, his mouth already full of something that looked like chocolate.

Iwaizumi laid in bed with his eyes open, staring at his ceiling while his mind replayed the day. 

After lunch they went their separate ways. He was grateful Daichi didn’t ask how he was doing because the entire walk home Iwaizumi’s anxiety caught up to him and all he could focus on was his breathing. He and Daichi spent the rest of the day watching movies in between emailing new clients for appointment setups. 

It wasn’t until Iwaizumi was about to go into his own room when Daichi asked how lunch was. Iwaizumi thought about telling Daichi he’d thought about not going in the first place and his head was killing him, but instead, he told him it was fine. That he was fine. He knew Daichi didn’t necessarily believe him, but he accepted it and that was good enough for the night. 

But now that he was thinking of lunch, he could only think about Oikawa. 

He shut that thought up quickly and closed his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise a spicy scene soon.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What's smut without angst?

Iwaizumi was halfway to the desk when Kiyoko came through the doors balancing four salads and a yoga mat. “Woah there.” He jogged up and grabbed the salad containers from her and laughed when she sighed. 

“I really thought I could carry them all in one trip.” 

“I’m sure you could, I just really didn’t want to deal with a hungry Daichi.”

She smiled at that and set her mat down before following him around the front desk to sit beside him. “I think you could handle him.” Iwaizumi smiled a little at that and helped her sort out the salads for everyone. He ignored the way her fingers brushed against his. “Have you been working on your arms more?”

He didn’t look up at that, instead choosing to shove a forkful of salad in his mouth. Kiyoko raised a brow at him. He knew it wasn’t like that with her. It couldn’t have been. He swallowed his mouthful and reached for his water as he spoke. “Uh, yeah, a little.”

Kiyoko turned away from him and took a much smaller bite than he did. It was sort of amusing that even though she took the smallest bites, she still always finished her food faster than any of the guys here. “You look good.”

Before he could reply, a flash of orange came out of the locker room. “Hey, guys!” Hinata bounced in front of them, his hair still wet from a shower. His shirt was on backward. “Oh did you get me-”

“The one with strawberries? Yes.”

Hinata smiled at Kiyoko and grabbed his container. “Thanks, Kiyoko-san. You’re the best.” He hopped up onto the counter and dug in. “I’m so hungry. Classes kicked my butt today and my intermediate class just made me sweat my breakfast out.”

Hinata had been teaching pilates at their gym part-time when he wasn’t at University or volleyball practice. He only worked about two or three days during volleyball season, but in the off-season he worked nearly every day. He was energetic and a hit during classes, plus it was pretty entertaining when he’d work on reps with Iwaizumi and beat a few of the bigger guys on weights when he was only 5’3”. Hinata was a good addition to their gym, but he knew he’d probably make it big in volleyball, so they’d have to look for a replacement soon. He’d miss the kid, but he was promised tickets to Hinata’s first professional match so he figured it wouldn’t be so bad. 

The three of them were halfway done eating when Daichi came out from the locker room. He looked tired and Iwaizumi checked the schedule to see today was another advanced class for him. “Maybe you’re getting too old for classes.” 

Hinata snorted and nearly fell off the desk when Daichi frowned at Iwaizumi. Kiyoko laughed behind her hand. 

“Shut up.” Daichi snatched his salad from the counter and dragged a chair over to sit by them. 

The gym was always slow around lunchtime. It was Iwaizumi’s favorite time of day because he could relax with people he was fairly comfortable with. Times like these reminded him of how lucky he was. His mental health aside, things were much better for him now than they used to be. His depression was high up until senior year of college when he and Daichi decided to shoot their shot on buying the gym. It was run down and they got a good deal since it essentially needed worked on from the inside and out. But it was the perfect size and the perfect price for two freshly graduated college kids. 

Daichi handled the business side and Iwaizumi put his engineering degree to use. He practically re-wired and built the gym back into a workable state, with help from Daichi and design help from Suga. They officially opened three years ago, and with Suga’s advertisement ideas, which included an embarrassing amount of shirtless pictures of him and Daichi on their Instagram, they had steady membership sign-ups. It wasn’t until earlier this year that he finally let himself relax enough to be proud of what they’d built. 

As he watched his coworkers and friends laughed. He knew he had it good. Which was why it confused him when he felt a sense of dread in his stomach. 

“So,” Daichi dragged out the last syllable and bumped his shoulder against Iwaizumi. They were on their way home and Iwaizumi knew he was being a little more quiet than usual. “Kiyoko looked nice today.”

That made Iwaizumi’s brows pull tight as he looked over at his friend. “I’ll tell Suga. You know I like him more than you.”

Daichi laughed and Iwaizumi relaxed a little. He knew Daichi would never actually do anything to hurt Suga, partly because he was a nice guy, but mostly because according to Daichi, no one else existed to him in that way other than Suga. “I meant that she’s, you know. Pretty. Available. Single.” Iwaizumi knew what he was getting at. He refused to look at Daichi and kept walking. He could sense Daichi’s eye roll. “You’re single.”

“So is Hinata.” 

“Well, actually I’m pretty sure he’s into someone from his volleyball team.” Iwaizumi glared at Daichi. “Oh, come on. How long has it been since you went on a date? Kiyoko likes you well enough and you’d be comfortable with her so-”

“Not interested.” 

“Iwa.”

Daichi stopped and Iwaizumi took two steps before he sighed and turned back around. “What? Look, Kiyoko’s beautiful but I’m not interested. Can you drop it?”

“Then how about the client that comes in and flirts with you all the time? The tall one, you know he’s big and...”

“Kuroo?” Iwaizumi furrowed his brow. “We can’t go out with clients, first of all. And second of all no. Do you even know my type?”

Daichi scrunches his face up and shrugs before falling into step with Iwaizumi. “I don’t know. You haven’t really seen anyone or talked to anyone in a while. I think the last person was that one girl from the bar like… two years ago.”

Iwaizumi couldn’t even remember her that well. It was a stupid quickie in the bathroom that Daichi happened to walk in on. It was funny for about a second before the embarrassment took over and Iwaizumi left without getting her number. “Let’s not talk about that.”

“Good idea.” Daichi sighed and pulled open the door of their building. “Are you… are you interested in anyone?”

Iwaizumi didn’t respond. Daichi was prying, and Iwaizumi really wasn’t in the mood to talk about anything like that right now. “No.” They stepped into the elevator and while Iwaizumi could tell Daichi wanted to say more, he held it in until they got inside. After taking their shoes off, Iwaizumi sighed and crossed his arms over his chest. “Spit it out already.”

Daichi let go of his bottom lip he was chewing on. “I told you earlier that,” he took a breath, “That I wanted to marry Suga.” Iwaizumi leaned back against the wall behind him and dug his nails into his forearms. “I was serious, Iwa. I made an appointment to look at rings tomorrow.”

Iwaizumi let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. His heart was beating too fast and he didn’t really know why just yet. “That’s good, Daichi. That’s… yeah you guys love each other and-and really it’s about time, isn’t it?”

Daichi hums in agreement and Iwaizumi can tell he’s trying to get a read on him. “And usually when people get married, you know they-they move in together.” 

There it was. Iwaizumi felt his heart jump from his throat to the bottom pits of his stomach. “Right. That happens. I know that.” He pushed himself off the wall and walked towards the kitchen, away from Daichi. “It’s good.” He pulled open the fridge, not really looking for anything, maybe just a damn break. “Yeah. Moving out. Good.” He closed the door, but the sound of it made him flinch. Okay, so he slammed it. 

“Iwa.” Daichi’s voice was low and even, and Iwaizumi knew it was supposed to calm him down, but really it just made him sad. Sad that his friend had to treat him like a child so he wouldn’t throw a damn tantrum that would turn into an episode. That thought sent embarrassment through his bones and tears pricked the back of his eyes. “We should talk about this. I shouldn’t have sprung it up like that, I just-” Iwaizumi feels the gentle, but firm, press of Daichi’s hand on his shoulder. He turns around and takes a few deep breaths. “I love him. More than anything.”

“I know.” And Iwaizumi did. He knew that Daichi would die for Suga and that Suga would do the same. He knew that so well he’d be willing to bet his own life on it. And he was happy for his friends, so he stowed his own shit. He swallowed down the idea of Daichi moving out and getting married. This was not about him. “Sorry, I’ve just been in my head. You know how I get.” Daichi nodded and Iwaizumi ignored how that made him feel worse. “Do you need help? With the ring?”

Daichi smiled and Iwaizumi let himself relax a little. “Not sure if that’s really your thing.” He chuckled when Iwaizumi agreed. “But, if Suga says yes-”

“He’ll say yes, Daichi. Are you fucking with me?”

Iwaizumi could tell that he wasn’t, that for some reason Daichi was still anxious. That was what made him feel a little saner sometimes, the reminder that even level headed people like Daichi still got nervous about something as obvious as Suga loving him.

“You’ll be my best man, right?”

Even though he tried to hide it, the smile on Iwaizumi’s face was unstoppable. 

**Oikawa**

“What are we doing for your birthday?” 

Suga hummed as he licked the ice cream from his spoon. They were in a park by Suga’s house, and after a day of stress shopping, they’d stopped for ice cream. “I was thinking a nice relaxing day at home.”

Oikawa rolled his eyes and dropped his spoon in his empty cup. “Yeah, if you want that then I like women.”

Suga laughed and nearly choked on his ice cream. Leaning into Oikawa’s side, he laid his head down on his shoulder. “I don’t know. Maybe dinner at that fancy sushi place Daichi likes, then we can head to Makki’s bar, he’s Iwaizumi’s friend-” Suga stopped and Oikawa knew what was coming even before his friend sat up and turned to look at him with those pleading eyes. “You’ll still come even if Iwaizumi’s there, right? He’s my friend and-”

“Suga, of course, I’ll be there.” Suga smiled at that and though Oikawa wasn’t too keen on the idea, he wouldn’t deny his friend this request anymore. He’d gotten over seeing Iwaizumi again, he’d known what he was getting into when he’d basically decided to crash on Suga’s couch for the unseeable future. Iwaizumi was here first, he had to remind himself, and Suga’s happiness was more important than something in the past. Or at least he’d tell himself that until he could believe it. He put on a smile. “I’m sure you’d be miserable without me anyway.”

“You’re so dramatic.”

“A party is not a party without me and you know it!”

“I regret bringing it up!”

The next day, Suga was on the phone with Daichi while Oikawa scrolled through Instagram, waiting for his shirt to finish in the dryer. He’d spent the entire day at the spa with Suga, getting facials and drinking overpriced champagne before heading home to watch Suga’s favorite movie, something sappy with an extremely unnecessary sex scene, before they decided to get ready for the night. Daichi was working all day but he’d dropped by in the morning to ask Oikawa to give Suga letters throughout the day. Each one made Suga smile wider as the day progressed and the last one had Suga nearly crying before he excused himself to call Daichi. Though Oikawa had known Suga for so long, he wasn’t extremely close to Daichi. Their personalities didn’t quite click as well, but he had given up on any doubt about him after only the third time meeting him. Suga was in love and Daichi was always putty in Suga’s hands. It’s all he wanted for his best friend, so he really had nothing to complain about. Except, okay, sometimes he’d wished they’d cut it out with the PDA. 

It never used to really bother Oikawa. He’d dated before and never really felt lonely. And when he met Ushijima, he fell hard and fast. They went on a date that Oikawa begrudgingly agreed too after Ushijima’s pursuit of him for months, and well, that led to sex which somehow led to Oikawa moving in with him, and then before he knew it he was engaged. And things were fine. He was fine and living in a large home with a professional volleyball player who doted on him whenever he was home… But Oikawa wasn’t really happy. He’d listen to Suga talk about Daichi, how he’d make Suga tea in the morning and buy him stupid little plushies of frogs whenever he saw one because he knew Suga collected them. He watched his friend’s eyes go soft and warm when he even mentioned Daichi’s name. And that was when he knew he didn’t really know what he was doing. 

He wasn’t in love and he wasn’t sure that Ushijima really loved him either. He might have, but not enough to stop him when he’d told him he wanted to leave. They’d never fought before, not a real fight at least, and Oikawa wasn’t even surprised when Ushijima simply nodded and helped him pack. He’d paid for his train and walked him to the station. Oikawa didn’t even cry when he gave him back the ring. 

“You ready to go?”

Oikawa realized that his phone had switched to sleep mode and he was simply staring at a black screen. Suga was giving him a wary look, but Oikawa put on a smile and shoved his phone in his pocket. “Yep, let me just get my shirt.” He grabbed it from the dryer and buttoned it while Suga slipped on his shoes. 

By the time they were heading out the door, Oikawa had pushed the last thoughts of his ex out of his mind and was ready for alcohol. Maybe a lot of it. 

Makki’s bar ends up being a lot nicer than he expected. They went to middle school together and while Oikawa tries not to think about that time in his life too much, he remembered Makki was always kind, if not a little too blunt. The last place Oikawa really expected him to be working was a bar, but this place was nice and he supposed Makki wasn’t the one bussing tables. 

The introductions and catch-ups went on for about thirty minutes before shots were passed around. Makki and Matsukawa were on one side of the booth while Oikawa was barely able to squish himself next to Suga, who was also practically on Daichi’s lap. Though Daichi didn’t seem to mind if the redness on his cheeks was anything to go by. After another round, Oikawa found himself wondering where Iwaizumi was when suddenly he was walking towards him-well, walking towards the group. 

Oikawa couldn’t really help but stare. Iwaizumi had definitely grown since he’d last seen him in passing when he’d visit with Suga at university, and maybe Oikawa’s curiosity got the best of him sometimes and he’d end up stalking the gym’s social media page looking for glimpses of him. Iwaizumi was the same height as him now, and he was a lot bigger than Oikawa. The tight black shirt that was rolled at the sleeves to show off unfairly large biceps that happened to be covered in tattoos was not helping. Neither were the jeans that Oikawa was sure weren’t allowed to be that tight in public. Really, Oikawa couldn’t deny the blatantly obvious fact that Iwaizumi was hot. So hot that Oikawa had to tear his eyes away from him or risk drooling. 

It was pathetic, honestly, because Oikawa was a sucker for muscles. It was the reason he’d been drawn to Ushijima in the first place. The problem here was that he knew Iwaizumi was also a good person, and his kind green-grey eyes were soft when he looked at him and nodded in acknowledgment before turning to Matsukawa. It was incredibly rude of him to be that perfect right in front of Oikawa.

He shouldn’t have drank so much. 

**Iwaizumi**

Iwaizumi was pretty sure he could do this. He was currently staring at himself in the bathroom mirror, trying to calm down after excusing himself from the table and Oikawa’s obvious staring. His friends were all pretty tipsy, so much so that even Daichi was getting a little handsy with Suga, which he rarely did in public. Iwaizumi wasn’t drinking, well he was drinking water and whatever virgin drinks Suga forced him to try, but he was feeling a bit lighter. So much so that he’d nearly forgotten about why he couldn’t let his guard down around Oikawa until he was laughing at something he said and Iwaizumi realized how good Oikawa looked tonight. His jeans were tight, and Iwaizumi shamefully watched his ass walk away as he went to order more shots. And he couldn’t really help himself if he looked towards the bar and focused on Oikawa, who was a head above most of the people there, his pretty face turned up towards one of the TVs. 

There was no use in denying his attraction to the man. But he had to get himself together, no matter how long Oikawa’s eyes lingered on Iwaizumi’s arms. 

The door opened and he looked up to see none other than Oikawa slipping into the small bathroom. He seemed as surprised as Iwaizumi, though instead of leaving he leaned back against the door and met his eyes in the mirror. His breath caught in his throat and when he turned around, he had to remember to breathe. Oikawa’s shirt had come unbuttoned, just the top two, nothing scandalous, but Iwaizumi’s eyes fell to his collarbone, pale and beautiful. The long expanse of Oikawa’s throat made him nearly choke as he swallowed, his mouth suddenly dry. He wasn’t really sure what was happening until he heard a click, which he distantly realized was the sound of the lock, and then Oikawa was stepping in front of him. 

The sink dug into Iwaizumi’s lower back as he pressed himself as far away as possible, but there was no use when Oikawa’s hands were on his stomach, sliding up to his chest and then his neck, finally coming to a rest on his jaw. He knew he wasn’t breathing right, his heart was beating too fast and he didn’t know what to do other than let himself get lost in those round brown eyes that stared right back at him. Oikawa’s body was warm and Iwaizumi resisted the urge to lean into it, to let himself be swallowed completely by his existence. He smelled like alcohol and something sweet. Iwaizumi shivered when Oikawa leaned in close, his nose brushing against Iwaizumi’s before his lips pressed against his. Oikawa was kissing him. 

It wasn’t hesitant. Oikawa’s lips were firm and wanting, his tongue slipping out and making Iwaizumi gasp before it was suddenly slipping past his teeth and sliding against his own. He made a noise, he’s sure it did, but his head was foggy and all he could taste was the vodka on Oikawa’s tongue. He wasn’t sure if he was moving his lips, but his body was on fire and he felt that if he didn’t do something now, Oikawa would pull away and maybe hate him even more. So he tilted his head and sucked on Oikawa’s tongue, the rewarding moan shot through Iwaizumi’s stomach, and before he could think about it, his hands were on him. Oikawa made a noise, a squeak that was just on this side of adorable, when Iwaizumi turned them and lifted him up onto the sink. He pulled back just for a second, to catch his breath, but it only lasted a second after hearing Oikawa say “Fuck, that was hot” before dragging him back to his mouth. 

**Oikawa**

Iwaizumi’s hands were meant to touch him, he’s sure of it, and his body belonged between Oikawa’s legs. He knew it for a fact. He was so sure that when he wrapped his legs around Iwaizumi’s hips and pulled him forward, feeling the bulge in Iwaizumi’s jeans against his own, he moaned into the man’s mouth. Iwaizumi’s hands were squeezing his hips, and Oikawa threw his head back after a particularly hard thrust of his hips. Then lips were on his neck, nipping and sucking so hard that he knew he’d have bruises in the morning, but he didn’t pull him back. His hands slid through spikey locks and he pulled him closer, whimpering, begging for more when he heard a low grunt from the man currently attacking his neck. He wanted more. 

He slid his hands down those arms that were taunting him all night before squeezing the muscles that had effortlessly lifted him up onto the sink. Wall sex. Yes, Iwaizumi would be great at holding him against the wall while he fucked him so hard he would have to carry him to bed. The bulge in Iwaizumi’s pants as he rolled his hips against Oikawa’s ass was enough to tell him that either way he may have to be carried to bed. 

Iwaizumi bit down on his collarbone and Oikawa’s body jolted, his dick throbbing in his too-tight jeans. “Fuck me.”

**Iwaizumi**

Iwaizumi stopped. He pulled back and looked at Oikawa, his cheeks tinged pink, his perfect hair ruined and sticking to his forehead. His eyes glassy and breath coming in fast puffs against Iwaizumi’s face. He pulled his eyes away and stepped back when he saw the bruises already forming on Oikawa’s neck. 

“Iwa?” 

Iwaizumi looked up and met Oikawa’s eyes, unfocused, but beautiful. He realized that if Oikawa told him to get on his knees and lick the floor, he would. He’d do anything Oikawa said right now if he kept looking at him like that. But his eyes trailed back to the bruises, where he’d been biting and sucking that pale, pretty neck, and he stepped back. Oikawa wasn’t sober, hell he could barely get himself off the sink, and Iwaizumi felt the guilt spread from his mouth down to his stomach, quickly quelling his arousal. 

“I-I can’t I have to-” he shook his head when Oikawa stepped closer. “Stop.”

“I locked the door, it’s okay, Iwa.” And there was the name again. Iwaizumi shook his head and reached for the lock. “Please.”

Iwaizumi shook his head and reached for the handle, but not before Oikawa pressed up against him again, his mouth immediately on his neck. He didn’t know what he was doing until he saw Oikawa on the floor, looking up at Iwaizumi with big, round eyes full of tears. His heart stopped. 

“Oik-”

Oikawa’s voice broke. “Leave.”  
Oikawa brought his legs up to his chest as the tears in his eyes spilled over. “I-”

“Get away from me.”

Iwaizumi fumbled with the handle of the door before sprinting out of the room, his legs carried him out of the bar and into the cold night air. He couldn’t hear anything other than the pounding of his own heart in his ears. His face was cold, and he registered that he was crying as soon as he got to his apartment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't really planning on bringing in Oikawa's POV but I felt it necessary to not only get a good read on him, but also Suga. Also... I'm kind of thinking about making an additional part for DaiSuga smut just because I love them so much. 
> 
> I hope you're enjoying this or at least interested enough to keep reading. 
> 
> Comments help me work faster ;)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of the last chapter, and possibly a new beginning...

When Iwaizumi woke up, it was morning if the sunlight in his eyes told him anything. He was in bed, but not his. He turned and saw a picture of Suga smiling with his hair in two pigtails and sat up so quickly his head spun. Daichi was slumped on the couch in the corner of his room, Suga curled up beside him with his head in his lap. Iwaizumi rubbed his eyes but pulled back after wincing. When he looked down at his hands he felt last night rush back at him. His hands were wrapped in gauze, an ice pack firmly in place, and he felt tears prick his eyes as he looked over at his friends again. Daichi had a bruise on his jaw and Iwaizumi frantically scanned over Suga’s face. He was panicking, and then he was crying, curling in on himself and letting an ugly sob rack his ribs which he now realized were sore too. 

He felt the bed dip but flinched away from the warm hand on his back. Digging his nails into his skin, he heard Suga’s soft voice say something about getting his pills before Daichi pried Iwaizumi’s hands away from his skin. “Iwa-”

He tore his hands away and instantly regretted it when Daichi flinched back. “Fuck, Daichi I’m sorry.”

Suga came back to the room. He was wearing one of Daichi’s t-shirts, too big on him so it made him look much smaller than he really was. His eyes were kind and his smile was too warm. Iwaizumi didn’t deserve it. But he took the pills and the water Suga gave him before curling back in on himself. He let Suga changed the ice pack on his hands and took a little solace in the way Suga didn’t seem scared to touch him. When he sat back, Iwaizumi looked over at Daichi again, his eyes trained on his friend's face where the bruise was blooming. 

“You didn’t hit me, Iwa. Oikawa did.”

“What-” Iwaizumi raised his head.

Suga took over when Daichi looked at him. “Well, we saw you leave and then we saw Oikawa going after you, so of course we followed.” Iwaizumi wanted to frown at that, but he ignored it. “And you were gone but Oikawa was-well he was yelling at you, or really at the sky, but Daichi tried to calm him down and then boom! Elbow to the face.” Suga laughed, but Daichi was unamused. “Um, and then Matsukawa volunteered to get Oikawa back to my place and we came here.”

Iwaizumi didn’t know what to think about it, but Daichi wouldn’t lie to him about this. Any time Daichi got caught in the crosshairs of Iwaizumi’s episodes, they’d report it to Enoshita. It was rare now, maybe once a year where Daichi would catch a punch or an elbow, and it would take a month before Iwaizumi would stop completely hating his own existence for it. 

“Why am I in your bed?” 

“Not for a fun reason,” Suga sighed, and Iwaizumi would have laughed it off if it weren’t for the surrounding context. “Sorry,” he said more to Daichi than Iwaizumi. “Um, you kind of trashed your room so… we figured it’d be better for you to sleep in here.”

He groaned. “Fuck.” 

“I cleaned most of it up,” Suga said, ignoring Iwaizumi’s ‘you didn’t have to do that stare’ and reached out to pat his head. “I left the heavy stuff for you, though.”

Iwaizumi looked at his friends and felt the urge to cry again, which annoyed him, but he nodded and let them follow him to his room. His mattress was halfway off his bed, and his night table was tipped over. He supposed Suga had cleaned up the glass from the mirror that was no longer on his wall, and he figured that was why his hands were wrapped. He was sure there was more that had been cleaned up, but he felt awful nonetheless. It had been a while since he got this destructive. He thought he was past this. 

Daichi watched him call Ennoshita, and he made an appointment for later in the evening. 

**Oikawa**

Oikawa woke up to the loud banging of pots and pans, and not the soft muffled sound he was used to when Suga would wake early and make breakfast. No, these were deliberate bangs that, when he opened his eyes, he saw were coming from said friend banging them right in front of his face. 

“Stop!” More banging. “Oh my god, Suga, stop! My head’s going to explode!”

“Sorry, can’t hear you!” Suga banged the pans more until Oikawa rolled off the couch and chased him back into the kitchen. Oikawa was glaring at him from across the counter, but his headache won over his annoyance and he went to get water and whatever medicine Suga had available. “You know you’re in trouble, right?”

Oikawa set down the glass he was about to fill and frowned. “What? Why?”

“You elbowed Daichi in the face! My beautiful, handsome boyfriend’s face is now marred because you drank too much.” Oikawa had no idea what he was talking about, but then he reaches to rub at his elbow and notices it does feel a little sore. “And don’t even think for a second you’re getting away with not telling me what the hell you did to Hajime! And why the hell your neck looks like you had a threesome with two vampires.”

Oikawa’s hand shot up to his neck and suddenly his stomach was turning. He was running to the bathroom, Suga’s voice quickly drowned out after he threw up into the toilet. His heart was racing, and he felt like the worst person in the world when he saw that Suga was still there to take care of him until his stomach was settled. “I fucked up, Suga.”

“Yeah, you did.” His friend’s glare held for another five seconds before he signed and pushed Oikawa’s hair off his forehead. “Shower first. Then food. Then we’ll talk. Okay?”

Oikawa nodded, his head still heavy. 

Suga was staring at him in the way that made Oikawa want to curl in on himself. He loved his friend, and Suga had the kindest soul out of anyone Oikawa knew, but this stare was absolutely terrifying because he couldn’t get any sort of read on him. It was unnerving, to say the least, and he felt his hands start to sweat. 

“You kissed Iwa.”

Oikawa swallowed. “Yes.”

“And when he said stop you kept going.”

Oikawa looked down at his hands in his lap. “Yes.”

“So he pushed you away and you tripped over your own feet, landed on your ass, then yelled at him.”

“Suga, I was drunk and-”

“Really? That’s the excuse you’re going with, Tooru?” Oikawa sighed, which turned into a groan, and he ran his fingers through his hair, tugging at the locks. “How could you be so stupid and-and Jesus, so horny?”

“I don’t know, okay?” Oikawa looked up and kicked his feet out on the couch, stabbing his toes into Suga’s legs. Suga smacked his feet and Oikawa whined. “He looked good, so good, I mean his arms were just-just so-” he clenched his hands into fists and sighed again, ignoring Suga’s look. “And he-I don’t know. I fucked up. I know I did. But he kissed me back!”

“But then he said no.”

Oikawa sighed, hanging his head, he agreed “Then he said no.” 

Suga smacked Oikawa’s foot again and he yelped. “I’m mad at you, but right now I’m just kind of more worried about you. And Iwa. Honestly, Iwa is my main priority right now because he’s sitting at home beating himself up over this. He thinks he hurt you, Tooru. Again.”

“He didn’t.” 

“Well, he thinks he did.” Suga frowned. “I know you don’t really understand him, and you probably don’t understand his disorder even though you’ve researched it.” Oikawa’s face reddens at that. He had been researching it, watching informational videos and reading articles and testimonies from other people who had IED. He had a good grasp on it, but of course, he didn’t know Iwaizumi’s personal struggles with it. He’d picked up certain things, like how Iwaizumi didn’t like crowded places. He made himself look smaller, which was practically impossible, but he’d stuff his hands in his pockets or rubbed them on his jeans. He was anxious and made sure not to talk too loud or too much, and he didn’t really seem to like it when people touched him. He thought back to Iwaizumi’s hands on him and wanted to argue with that statement. “You should talk to him, I think. Even if he doesn’t think he’s ready.”

Oikawa met Suga’s eyes and nodded. “I think I should too.”

“Without alcohol.”

“Then tell him to wear something that covers his arms. Something baggy and ugly.”

Suga laughed. Oikawa needed to hear that. 

**Iwaizumi**

**Unknown number:** Hi, are you free tonight? 

Iwaizumi frowned down at his phone. He really wasn’t supposed to be on his phone at work, his own rule, but he was checking the time when a message popped up. Before blocking them, another one came in. 

**Unknown number:** It’s Oikawa. By the way. 

**Unknown number:** Suga gave me your phone number.

He looked up to make sure no one was obviously struggling with weights before re-reading the text. Why the hell Oikawa was texting him, he didn’t know. Unless he wanted to yell at him, or maybe tell him he wants to take him to court or-

Unknown number: I’m sorry about the other day. I was drunk and stupid. Please let me take you out for dinner and make up for it? (>_<)

Oikawa was sorry? Iwaizumi frowned again and he could practically hear Suga in his head saying “You’re going to get wrinkles if you don’t stop that!” but he couldn’t help it. What the hell was Oikawa sorry for. And why the hell did he want to go to dinner with him.

Goshiki called out for him and Iwaizumi pocketed his phone and put on his work-face. Though it didn’t stop him from thinking about Oikawa. He helped the kid through his reps before watching him work on his broad jumps, giving pointers when needed. 

His appointment with Ennoshita calmed him down enough that he’d been able to explain to Daichi what happened without too much anxiety. Truthfully, his memory of the night was fairly hazy, but he couldn’t forget Oikawa’s eyes. Daichi had told him his reaction was normal, and Suga had facetimed him later and told him it wasn’t his fault Oikawa was clumsy, but Iwaizumi still felt awful. 

He wished he could have just been normal that night. That he could have had drinks with his friends, maybe gotten tispy too. Maybe then, if things were different, Oikawa would have been there with Iwaizumi, and Iwaizumi could have led him into the bathroom on his own, pressed Oikawa against the wall and kissed him breathless. 

But there was no use in thinking like that. Iwaizumi was not normal and he accepted that a long time ago. He could cope well enough and he was a fully functioning adult who could handle himself, but sometimes, sometimes he wished things were different. Maybe he would have gotten to wake up with Oikawa in his bed instead of waking up in Daichi’s. 

After he waved goodbye to most of the clients, he pulled his phone out again and saw he had multiple messages. 

**Unknown number:** You’re probably at work, right? That’s why you’re not replying. 

**Unknown number:** Just text me when you can? Please? 

**Unknown number:** I really am sorry. For kissing you. 

**Unknown number:** Okay, that sounds kind of harsh? Cause you’re not a bad kisser. You’re great, actually. 

**Unknown number:** That was weird, right? Yeah, it was weird. Okay. Pretend I didn’t send that. Um, just pretend I sent the first three messages and ignore all of these, okay? (ノωヽ)

Iwaizumi found himself smiling before he could stop it, but quickly let it fall when he saw Daichi heading his way. 

“What’s that look for?”

“None of your business.” Iwaizumi saved Oikawa’s number into his phone and his fingers hesitated over the keyboard. Daichi was still waiting for an answer, and Iwaizumi sighed. “Fine. Oikawa texted me.”

“Oh?”

Iwaizumi rolled his eyes and let out the breath he was holding. “Suga told you.”

Daichi looked guilty, but not really. “He texted me ten times to make sure you didn’t block Oikawa. Which you didn’t, right?”

“No,” he sighed. “I didn’t. I actually don’t know what to say because he kind of asked me to dinner.”

“Alone?”

Iwaizumi glared at Daichi, his stomach twisting slightly. “Yes. Alone. Because I don’t need a babysitter.” Daichi gave him a look that meant “you know that’s not what I meant” and Iwaizumi looked back at his phone. “I’m gonna do it.”

Daichi nodded, wiping sweat off his forehead. “Okay.”

“‘Okay’?” 

Daichi whipped him with his towel. “Shut up and reply already. I’ll go to Suga’s tonight and you guys can have the place.”

“I think it’d be better if we went out. In public. Where there are people around.” Iwaizumi hoped Daichi would pick up on what he was saying, he didn’t want to spell it out that he wasn’t ready to be with Oikawa alone like that. Not only was he afraid of not having anything to distract himself with, but he wouldn’t be able to hide his attraction to Oikawa if they were alone in his apartment. He knew he couldn't, not after that night. 

“Fine. But I’m still going to Suga’s.”

“Ew.”

“I didn’t say anything about sex!”

“Yeah, but your face did.” Daichi whipped him with the towel again. “Ow! Save that for your boyfriend!”

He should have expected another whip. 

Iwaizumi was nervous, which was nothing new, but now he risked sweating through the t-shirt underneath his button-up and he really needed to get a hold of himself. He was early, mostly because he couldn’t focus on anything else the entire time he was getting ready. He didn’t know what to expect, really. They were meeting at a ramen restaurant, nothing fancy or anything, but Iwaizumi couldn't help but feel like he was back in high school, waiting for the pretty girl in his chemistry class to show up. She never did. 

When he looked up at the chiming of the door, the first thing he noticed was Oikawa’s scarf. It was a dark orange color that made him look soft and cozy. Iwaizumi wanted to reach out and pull him close, take in his warmth, and kiss- He shook his head. 

“Sorry, am I late?” He took off his coat and let it fall behind him. Iwaizumi shook his head and Oikawa relaxed a bit. He took off his scarf slowly, and Iwaizumi’s stomach dropped at the sight of the light bruises littering Oikawa’s neck. “You could be a little less obvious, you know.”

Iwaizumi looked up and noted the pink tinge on Oikawa’s cheeks. “Sorry, I-I’m sorry I-”

“You don’t need to apologize for something I encouraged.” He was full on blushing now, and Iwaizumi couldn’t stop thinking about how pretty he was. “Which...Iwaizumi, I really need to apologize. You were-well I embarrassed myself enough texting, but the point is I shouldn’t have…” he trailed off and thought to himself for a second before sighing. “I’m sorry for yelling at you. You didn’t deserve that.”

His mouth felt dry. “It’s okay.”

Oikawa tilted his head and Iwaizumi was hit with an overwhelming urge to reach out and touch him. How was someone that cute? “No, it’s not. Look, Iwaizumi, you were right to-to push me away. I shouldn’t have gotten so drunk.”

Their server came up to take their orders then, and it’s quiet when she leaves. Oikawa was fidgeting with his fingers and Iwaizumi had to wipe his hands on his jeans. The silence was awkward, and they both knew it. He couldn’t think of anything to say, other than word vomit about how he wants to apologize for everything. 

His phone went off and he nearly jumped from his seat before sliding it out of his pocket. 

**Daichi:** How’s it going?

Iwaizumi looked up to see Oikawa looking at him. “Sorry. It’s Daichi.”

Iwaizumi typed out a quick message to tell Daichi to leave him alone before looking back up at Oikawa. 

“It’s fine.” He took a sip of his water and Iwaizumi watched the condensation drip down from where his lips touched to the table. “You two are close.” Iwaizumi nodded, feeling a little embarrassed by it for some reason. 

“Yeah, I mean. Daichi’s like a brother. But, I don’t know, we’re not-I guess not a brother but-” He stammered, pathetically, and took a breath before he spoke again. “He’s my best friend. He does a lot for me.”

Oikawa hummed and pursed his lips together. If this were a date, Iwaizumi would think he was trying to draw attention to them. “He’s a good man. Suga’s madly in love,” he smiled softly, almost wistfully. “They make me want to gag sometimes.”

Iwaizumi relaxed a bit. Daichi and Suga was a conversation he was comfortable with. “Yeah, Daichi’s been obsessed with him since high school.”

“Suga too.” Oikawa smiled this time, full and a little too bright. Iwaizumi was drawn to him and found himself leaning forward as Oikawa continued. “He would call me after a training camp and whine about how he got to sleep next to Daichi and how he was too scared to say anything because he didn’t think Daichi was into guys.”

Iwaizumi laughed, “Daichi was scared Suga thought he was a creep because he would pretend to fall asleep on the bus so he could put his head on his shoulder.” Oikawa snorted and Iwaizumi watched him blush in embarrassment. “I guess Suga tested the theory and knew Daichi wasn’t asleep one day so Daichi got embarrassed and didn’t talk to him for a week.”

“Oh my god, that’s why he didn’t talk to him?” Oikawa sat back and Iwaizumi felt a smile tug at his lips. “Suga thought it was because he told Daichi he was cute when he blushed.”

They continued to share stories about the two, filling in gaps of the stories they’d heard, and by the time they finished eating, Iwaizumi was feeling okay. His hands were still sweating and every time he met Oikawa’s eyes or looked at his neck, Iwaizumi wanted to apologize, but he was okay. Oikawa paid, despite Iwaizumi’s protesting, and then they were walking out together. He didn’t miss the way Oikawa blushed when Iwaizumi held the door open for him. They hovered awkwardly at the corner of the street. Oikawa was babbling about something Suga said, and Iwaizumi wasn’t really listening. 

He watched Oikawa stutter off and end his story with a chuckle that was clearly a little uncomfortable, and then he met Iwaizumi's eyes and smiled softly. “Walk me back?”

Iwaizumi nodded and fell into step beside him. Oikawa didn’t say anything and neither did he, but the silence now was comfortable. 

It wasn’t until they ended up in a park that Iwaizumi realized Oikawa had no idea where he was going. Oikawa blushed and offered a flustered apology, but Iwaizumi just laughed and tilted his head in the right direction. They were almost back onto the street when Oikawa let out a little exclamation and leaned down to pick something out of the grass. 

Iwaizumi watched as he held up a rock, probably only a few inches big, shiny and smoothed over. In the light of the streetlamp, he could see a dark teal line cutting through the dark grey stone. He realized then that Oikawa was looking at him. He was tilting his head again, and his eyes seemingly couldn’t focus on one part of Iwaizumi’s face. Iwaizumi felt himself be drawn in once again, his feet moving on their own.

“Do you remember...” Oikawa started, trailing off towards the end of his sentence. He met his eyes again, and Iwaizumi realized he was close enough he could see the specks of gold in the eyes that took up so much of his thoughts. “When we were kids? And you’d bring me rocks. Handfuls of them.” He laughed and Iwaizumi wasn’t sure if the feeling in his stomach was good or bad. His hands were sweating again, but he couldn’t look away. “I’d talk and you’d sort them out in front of me.”

Iwaizumi wanted to say something, like how he would spend hours in the creek behind his house fishing rocks out of the water and surrounding dirt. How he’d fill his pockets and drag himself to Oikawa’s house so he could sit and compare them to Oikawa, trying to find the prettiest ones just for him. In the end, he’d only have about five left, and Oikawa would take them with a scrunched up face because _“There were probably bugs on them, Iwa-chan!”_

But he just nodded, and Oikawa’s smile slipped into something that made Iwaizumi’s heart hurt. The feeling in his stomach flipped, and his eyes fell down to where Oikawa was holding out the rock for him. “You should keep it.”

Iwaizumi looked between Oikawa’s outstretched hand and his eyes before reaching out to take it from him. Oikawa let out a shaky breath when Iwaizumi’s fingers brushed against his palm, and Iwaizumi wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do. “Thanks.”

Oikawa smiled then, and Iwaizumi’s stomach flipped again. His fingers tingled and Oikawa chuckled before turning away and taking a step towards the street. Iwaizumi allowed himself to breathe before following and leading Oikawa back to Suga’s. He stayed on the curb while Oikawa took a few steps up to the door, and he waved back when Oikawa turned and told him goodnight. 

Iwaizumi wasn’t sure how long he stayed there, trying to gather his thoughts and his breath. Eventually, his legs started working again, and he walked home with a lightness in his chest that he hadn’t felt in a long time. 

When he got home, he threw caution to the wind and sent Oikawa a text. 

**Iwaizumi:** I had fun tonight.

He stopped fidgeting when he got a reply back just as quick. 

**Oikawa:** Me too, Iwa (´• ω •`)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really like this story. I hope you do too <3


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of the "not-a-date" + tattoo talk

**Oikawa**

Oikawa was ready to walk in and dramatically sigh as he leaned back against the door, wistfully thinking about his night with Iwaizumi. 

Instead, he was met with Daichi moaning. 

“Yeah, baby. Almost there? Come for me, Koushi-”

And then there was Suga’s cry and the faint sound of skin slapping together. Oikawa cringed and stepped back outside to wait for the noises to die down. He gave them another ten minutes before knocking twice and then loudly entering the apartment. Suga was slipping out of his bedroom wearing only a too-large sweater and the bunny slippers Oikawa got him for his birthday. They now had matching ones. They were adorable. 

“Have fun while I was gone?’ Oikawa asked as he slipped his shoes and outerwear off. He was smirking and Suga didn’t even pretend to act shy. 

“Sure did!” Suga followed Oikawa to the couch and practically curled up to his side. “He wanted me to keep the slippers on,” he giggled as Oikawa laughed, quieting only slightly when he heard Daichi come out from the room. 

One thing Oikawa and Suga had in common was their taste in men. Oikawa accepted Suga’s subtle fist bump before smiling at the man. “Sorry to interrupt before round two, but I’m home.”

Daichi blushed and stuttered out something about showering before he was gone again. Suga watched him go before turning his attention back to Oikawa. “I love that man.”

“I know you do.” Oikawa rolled his eyes and pulled his legs up on the couch. “I also basically went on a date with Hajime, so can we talk about that now?”

Suga arranged himself until they were both sitting cross-legged and staring at each other. “Tell me everything.”

And Oikawa did. He told Suga how nervous he was and how Iwaizumi looked like he wanted to run away for the first twenty minutes. He also told him about how easy it was to fall into conversation with the other man, how he liked the way Iwaizumi’s arm brushed against his when they walked, how his eyes were still the same color he would dream about sometimes. 

He was still a little in shock that he got to have the night with Iwaizumi. It felt easy, being with him like that. Iwaizumi was attractive, there was no doubt about that, but he was wonderful on the inside too. He listened, even when Oikawa rambled on about random things, he laughed at his jokes, but mostly he was a warm presence beside Oikawa who didn't seem to have one foot out the door. Iwaizumi wanted to be there, even if he was nervous, even if he kept his hands pushed deep in his pockets, or if he stuttered a few times. He could tell by the way Iwaizumi looked at him, starry-eyed and beautiful. Oikawa stopped and took a deep breath that burned in his lungs. 

“I think… maybe I shouldn’t see him again.” It was a fleeting thought, that maybe if he pulled back now, things would be better. For a moment, the room was quiet, and Oikawa closed his eyes. He knew he didn’t mean it. “But I really want to.”

Suga didn’t say anything, a soft smile on his already pretty face. They both looked over when Daichi stepped back out. “Hey, uh sorry to interrupt... Baby, I think I’m gonna-” He nodded his head toward the door.

“Yeah, I’ll be right back.” Suga got up and walked Daichi back to the door. 

Oikawa heard them kiss and a say few other things he kind of wished he hadn’t heard. His phone buzzed on the table and he sighed before grabbing it. A smile made its way onto his face.

**Iwaizumi:** I had fun tonight. 

“Hajime?” Suga’s soft voice came from beside him, but Oikawa only nodded, unwilling to look away. His fingers were already moving, a blush creeping onto his cheeks. “Cute.”

Oikawa set his phone back down and leaned back against the couch. “Tell me this is a bad idea.”

Suga pretended to think about it. His eyes were bright. “No, I don’t think I will.”

“You’re the worst.”

“You love me.”

**Iwaizumi**

Somehow, Oikawa became a part of his life again. It started with him joining Suga to bring lunch to the gym. He’d stay and eat with them, laughing and taking Iwaizumi’s attention away with just a quick glance. They started texting, and despite Daichi’s teasing about it being a bit childish, Iwaizumi loved every second of it. Oikawa would send him random thoughts throughout his day, pictures of whatever he thought was interesting while he took a walk around the city. Iwaizumi wasn’t sure what he was supposed to say the first few days of Oikawa’s texting, but by now they had a habit of saying goodnight before they went to bed. He tried not to read too much into it, he really did. 

Oikawa whined over text about how Suga’s cooking was going to make him fat, so Iwaizumi suggested he try a few classes today. And then Oikawa started to come to the gym weekly. What he hadn't expected was for Oikawa to show up in shorts that not only showed off his long, pale legs- flashing a bit of thigh- but also an ass that had Iwaizumi’s face turning red when Daichi called him out for staring. 

Oikawa: That tangerine is the devil

Iwaizumi smiled down at his phone, unable to stop the chuckle that passed through his lips. Oikawa’s been taking classes with Hinata because apparently, he used to do pilates back in Tokyo, so he preferred that over Daichi’s kickboxing classes or Kiyoko’s yoga sessions. What Oikawa wasn’t prepared for was Hinata’s master class, though Oikawa insisted he was. _“Don’t be silly, Iwa. I know what I’m doing.”_ He’d rolled his eyes when Iwaizumi tried to warn him. Iwaizumi couldn’t help but smirk when Oikawa came out of class sweating, his legs shaking while Hinata praised him. He probably would have said something about “I told you so” but then Oikawa was in front of him, his face flushed and pretty, pointing a finger at him. _“You owe me lunch.”_ And Iwaizumi had been helpless to do anything but nod. 

**Iwaizumi:** He’s a good instructor. Just excitable

**Oikawa:** He’s the devil wrapped in a tiny, adorable package

**Oikawa:** Where are you taking me for lunch? 

Iwaizumi hesitated. Oikawa was still in the locker rooms getting changed. Iwaizumi’s last client was doing their cool down workout, and he really would only have time for a quick bite before he had to be back for Kuroo’s session, which made him sigh. It wasn’t that he didn’t like Kuroo, the man was just a flirt, even if he didn’t mean anything by it. 

**Iwaizumi:** There’s a place up the street. Salad bar. Kind of lame but I can’t eat anything heavy.

**Oikawa:** Wherever you want to go, I’ll be there.

Iwaizumi pocketed his phone before he could think too much again. Sometimes Oikawa would do that, send little messages that would make Iwaizumi blush or lose his train of thought. He had no idea if Oikawa even knew he was sending Iwaizumi into a flurry of thoughts when he did that, or if this was just how he was. What was worse was that Iwaizumi didn’t hate it. He kind of loved it. 

Oikawa whined the entire way to the salad bar, leaning towards Iwaizumi, their shoulders brushing together every other step. The place was nice, he’d come here a few times before when he forgot to pack something for the day or Suga couldn’t make it. It was casual enough he didn’t feel bad wearing his joggers and a t-shirt. Oikawa had, thankfully, changed out of his ridiculous shorts and was now wearing soft jeans and a t-shirt that had a small alien on the sleeve. 

“Still with the aliens?” He mentioned while Oikawa looked over the menu. 

Oikawa looked up and met his eyes, and Iwaizumi liked that they could look at each other a little easier now. His face still heated up when Oikawa smiled, boyish and a little shy. “Gonna laugh at me if I tell you I even got one tattooed?”

“You’re kidding me.” He stared as Oikawa rolled his eyes, fondly, and held out his right hand. 

“It’s small.” He lifted his pointer finger and low-and-behold, there was a small alien character inked on the inside of his finger. “Let’s just say I was going through a breakup and thought I was being rebellious.”

Iwaizumi chuckled and reached up to hold Oikawa’s finger and bring it a little closer so he could get a better look. He didn’t realize what he was doing until he felt Oikawa’s hand tense before relaxing in his hold. He carefully pulled his own hands back and ignored Oikawa’s wandering eyes. 

Thankfully, Oikawa cleared his throat and leaned back in his seat. “Nothing compared to yours, though.” Iwaizumi followed Oikawa’s eyes where they were roaming over his arms. “When did that happen?”

Iwaizumi unconsciously trailed his fingers over his forearm, to where the ink stopped at his wrist. “Uh, it was actually a present to myself a few years back.” He didn’t look up at Oikawa, sure he was already ready to ask what for. “First time I got my shit figured out with, uh-.” He laughed a little and tapped his temple. He could tell his voice was shaking. 

“You don’t have to tell me Iwa.”

Iwaizumi shook his head, forcing himself to look up at Oikawa, even though his heart was already working a little too fast. He wanted to tell Oikawa, if not only so he felt more comfortable too. “It’s fine, really.” He took a breath and tried to keep his voice quiet, just for them. “I had a bad episode.” He watched for any sign of discomfort on Oikawa’s face and was only mildly surprised to see none. He wasn’t so foolish to think that Oikawa wouldn’t have figured out about Iwaizumi’s disorder. Whether it was his own parents or maybe Suga, Iwaizumi had accepted it a while back that if Oikawa was okay to talk to him, he must know more than Iwaizumi even did back then. “After that, I went to see Ennoshita, my therapist, and we got me sorted and on medication. I’m taking it now, I mean I have to every day.” He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He wasn’t really ashamed of taking medication, he knew it was normal. So many people struggled with mental health and other things. “But, after a few months, I started feeling more like myself. So, I got a present. It’s kind of stupid, but-”

“It’s not stupid.” Iwaizumi looked up and met Oikawa’s eyes. They were warm, and Iwaizumi felt safe. Something lurched in his chest, but he pushed it down. “I don’t know if it means much, but” he shrugged and looked down at the table, “I’m proud of you.”

Iwaizumi let the praise wash over him for a moment before he sat back and found himself smiling. He didn’t answer, unsure if he could without simply confessing everything that was going on his mind. 

So instead he nodded, and Oikawa seemed to understand. 

They hung out more after that. The two of them went to lunch when Oikawa came to Hinata's classes, and they would talk about nothing important. They didn’t delve into the past, and if they did dip into it, like when Oikawa screeched at a bug landing on his shoulder and Iwaizumi swept it off, Oikawa unable to stop himself from saying _“After all these years you’re still my bug champion”_ , well they would laugh awkwardly before Oikawa quickly changed the subject.

Iwaizumi knew they would have to talk at some point. There would be a breaking point, or maybe it would come up at a good enough time that it would be an organic conversation. Iwaizumi doubted it would be the latter, considering he still had nightmares about it, considering the thought of bringing up that memory still made his hands shake. So he pushed it down, and Oikawa did too. 

He liked Oikawa’s laugh, the way he would hide it behind his hand or would snort and his face would turn red. He liked that Oikawa didn’t mind being close to him, because Iwaizumi was able to smell the vanilla shampoo Oikawa used and whatever cologne he was wearing. He liked that Oikawa would text him at three in the morning about how stupid the idea of a flat-earth was. 

Iwaizumi liked their time together, and the longer they avoided the situation, the longer he could pretend things were okay. That he’d met Oikawa through Suga, that the only reason they didn’t talk sooner was because Oikawa lived in Tokyo. He wanted to pretend, even if it were just for a little while longer. 

**Oikawa**

Oikawa knew he shouldn’t have been doing what he was doing. 

Scrolling through the gym’s Instagram page had become a guilty pleasure of his ever since Suga proudly showed him. At first, he could write it off as appreciating his friend’s work and supporting Daichi in his career. But then the pictures of Iwaizumi started to show up. They were tame, at first. Iwaizumi in the background of some shots, Iwaizumi hammering a nail into the wall, Iwaizumi with a hardhat on while he carried heavy objects that made his muscles bulge in a ridiculously tight shirt. And then there were the shirtless pictures. The ones that were clearly there to get more attention for the gym, the ones that he could tell Iwaizumi wasn’t really a fan of simply by the small wrinkle in his forehead.

But man, did he look good. 

Oikawa was a simple man. Muscles and tanned skin, arms tattooed up to his shoulder, a handsome face to match; he was sold. In the particular picture he was trying not to drool over, the one that made his stomach flutter, Iwaizumi was doing a squat with a barbell on his shoulders. His back was gorgeous, ripped, and slick with sweat that Oikawa wanted to taste. His arms looked even more ridiculous than they did in person, and Oikawa slipped his hands down into his shorts before he could stop himself. He was on Suga’s couch, but really he couldn’t care less. The other man was sleeping and Oikawa had a perfectly gorgeous picture of Iwaizumi in front of him. 

He thought about what it would be like to touch him again. In the picture, Iwaizumi was looking back at the camera in the mirror in front of him. His eyes were sharp and daring, but his face was calm, his jaw set. Oikawa gripped himself and wondered if that’s what Iwaizumi would look like if he were the one touching him. He thought back to how effortlessly Iwaizumi had picked him up, how the first thing that came to his mind was how badly he wanted to be ruined by this man. Closing his eyes, Oikawa let out a soft moan that he hoped was quiet enough. He thought back to Iwaizumi kissing his neck, his lips, and tongue, the occasional nip of his teeth. How he rolled his hips like he would if he were fucking him. A shiver ran down his spine and Oikawa knew he was already close. Iwaizumi’s hands were so big and strong, but the press of his fingers were gentle at his hips. Would he fuck him like he wanted to back in the bathroom? Would he look at him like he was looking at the mirror in that picture? 

No, Oikawa didn’t think he would. He arched into his hand at the thought of Iwaizumi doing all of those things, but he came to the image of Iwaizumi above him, his eyes soft like Oikawa was something precious, his lips just barely ghosting over his. He shuddered as he came down from the high, and he immediately looked at the next picture of Iwaizumi. He was laughing, his head thrown back and his eyes squeezed shut. He was beautiful, and Oikawa let himself look until his come cooled in his hand and the post-orgasm guilt settled in. 

After cleaning himself up in the bathroom, Oikawa sighed as he laid down on the couch and pulled the blankets up to his chin. Suga’s couch was getting less comfortable as the days went on and he knew that he wouldn't last here much longer. He didn’t feel like he was intruding, mostly because he went out for most of the day to look for his own place and also a job. After moving in with Ushijima, Oikawa rarely had to use his own money, so he had enough saved to get by until he figured out exactly what he wanted to do. 

Before Ushijima, he was on track to work for a marketing company back in Tokyo. And then, well, he sort of got caught up in being what Suga would call a trophy husband. It wasn’t anything like he’d planned it. He hurt his knee during his first year of university and suddenly his volleyball career was over. His future plans were crushed, and that’s when Ushijima came into the picture. They fucked, they dated, and suddenly he was engaged. Oikawa didn’t have to think about his future, all he had to do was pretend that watching Ushijima play didn’t make him ache for the sport he used to love. He just had to be who he thought he should be. And Ushijima wasn’t a bad man, no he was kind and smiled when he was supposed to, but it didn’t feel right. It didn’t feel like it did when he was with Iwaizumi. 

Oikawa rolled over onto his side and tried to think about anything else. He was getting ahead of himself. A few good weeks with Iwaizumi didn’t mean anything. They hadn’t even talked about what they needed to talk about. The thought was stupid, really, but Oikawa couldn’t help but think that he really liked the way Iwaizumi looked at him. He’d caught it only a few times, but Iwaizumi’s eyes would go soft when Oikawa smiled, like maybe he thought he was beautiful. Oikawa didn’t doubt his looks, he knew he was handsome, pretty even, but Iwaizumi looked at him like he hung the moon. 

He was pulling out his phone before he could stop himself. They’d texted earlier, about the movie night Suga had been planning. Apparently, it was a monthly thing between him, Iwaizumi, and Daichi. Suga had been pressing for details about Oikawa spending so much time with Iwaizumi, but Oikawa refused to give in. Of course, Suga pulled out the puppy-dog eyes and Oikawa told him just about everything. And he told Suga, as much as he didn’t want to admit it, he was looking forward to the idea of possibly cuddling up next to Iwaizumi on the couch. He sighed. He was getting ahead of himself again. 

**Oikawa:** Will I see you tomorrow?

**Iwaizumi:** Do you want to?

**Oikawa:** Yes, of course I do

**Iwaizumi:** I’ll be there.

**Oikawa:** Do you want to see me?

**Iwaizumi:** Yes, I do. 

Oikawa stared at the last message until the screen went black. He couldn't tell if he was nervous or excited, but he couldn’t stop the way his heart was beating just a bit faster. 

“Will you please stop pacing?” Suga’s voice filtered throughout the room. He was in the kitchen, finishing making whatever delicious meal he had planned for dinner. “We’re just going to hang out.”

Oikawa nodded, knowing Suga couldn’t see him. “Yep, just hang out.”

“Daichi and I will be right there with you.”

“Yep, you and Daichi and-and Iwaizumi.” He sighed and flopped onto one of the barstools in the kitchen. 

Suga turned around, a pink apron that read ‘Kiss the cook’ was tied around his waist. “Why are you getting nervous on me now? You weren’t nervous when I told you about it, and you weren’t nervous last night.”

Oikawa shrugged, and he looked away from Suga’s questioning gaze. “Because it’s different now.”

“Why?”

“Because…” He looked down at his hands and played with his fingers, right now he wanted to focus on anything else. But he couldn’t because Iwaizumi was on his way here and Suga wouldn’t give in until he got an answer. “Because it’s Iwa." Because they would be closer. They wouldn't be in a public setting and Oikawa would be seeing Iwaizumi in an environment he was comfortable in. They would probably sit on the couch and if Oikawa suddenly felt his cheeks flush. God, he felt stupid. He took a breath and met Suga’s concerned eyes. "I’m really scared I’m going to ruin everything and lose him for good.”

“Oh, honey.” Suga rounded the table and hugged Oikawa. He smelled warm and sweet, and Oikawa let himself relax, if only a little. “You’re not going to ruin anything, and I don’t think it’s possible for you to ever lose him.”

“You don’t know that.” Oikawa’s voice was muffled in Suga’s sweater, but he didn’t make any move to adjust. Suga sighed and pulled back. Oikawa yelped when he pinched his arm. “What the hell-!”

“Don’t be baby, it didn’t hurt that bad.” He rolled his eyes when Oikawa rubbed at his arm. “And stop worrying about what-ifs. That doesn’t help anyone, and it certainly does you no good when you’ve only been out with him once.” He huffed and went back over to the stove to continue stirring and adding spices. “In your head, you have your Iwa, and while that’s still a big part of who he is, you don’t know him like I do.” Oikawa tried to ignore the way that stung. “He’s different. He’s… Iwaizumi is very important to me, and he’s extremely important to Daichi, which means he’s _double_ important to me. Now, you know I love you, but doubting everything and being so wary that you don’t treat him like a normal person is what’s going to make or break this.”

“I’m not going to treat him like anything different, Suga.” He’d read that in one of the articles on IED. People with the disorders had talked about how their personal relationships changing hurt more than it did any good. 

“See, you say that, but you’re already worried about losing him forever, over what? Sitting too close to him on the couch?" Oikawa looked away. Of course, Suga figured it out. "If Iwaizumi really wanted you gone, he would have done it by now.”

Oikawa knew he was right, so he nodded and got up to see if there was anything else to help with. After cleaning up a little, Suga sighed and reached out to squeeze Oikawa’s arm. “It’s going to be okay. Iwaizumi might need a little more time to adjust to you, though. So try not to take it to heart, all right?”

Oikawa was ready to respond, but there was a knock at the door and suddenly keys were turning. He heard Daichi’s voice, announcing their arrival, and then Iwaizumi’s. Oikawa took a deep breath and steadied himself. He was fine. He was fine and he could do this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I rewrote this chapter a few times... but I like how this turned out. Also next chapter seems to be heading in a ;) direction, but of course it all just depends on where the story takes me. 
> 
> I have a rough idea of how I want this story to go. I really love these guys and I want the best for them. But I do love some angst... 
> 
> Thank you so much for all the comments!! They're amazing to read and make me want to keep going for you all! I hope you're all doing well and staying safe.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Night at Suga's.

**Iwaizumi**

Suga’s place always helped Iwaizumi relax. He was dressed in his comfortable grey sweatpants and one of his nicer zip-up hoodies. Their movie nights were casual and Suga stressed that tonight wouldn’t be any different, even if Oikawa was joining them. After slipping his shoes off, he followed Daichi into the kitchen. Oikawa was there, leaning against the counter wearing a long sleeved t-shirt and a pair of blue shorts that had alien heads on them. The aliens distracted him from Oikawa’s long legs, and he was grateful. Iwaizumi smirked at them and Oikawa crossed his arms. 

He huffed, “I know you’re laughing at my shorts, Iwa.” To which Iwaizumi did laugh as Daichi and Suga greeted each other. “They’re cute and comfy.”

The pout on Oikawa’s face reminded him of when they were younger, and he couldn’t help but roll his eyes as he put the drinks he brought over onto the table. “They are cute, and you’re obsessed.” He had to look away from the smile on Oikawa’s face. 

They all fell into easy conversation about their days, and somehow Oikawa had drifted towards him. Iwaizumi couldn’t help but take another look, and he was happy to find it didn’t make him as nervous. Being around Oikawa was becoming normal, and he was really, really enjoying the way Oikawa would casually touch him, like they really had been friends for years. Whether it was a brush against his shoulder or bumping his hip against his, Iwaizumi liked to let himself fall into his presence. Oikawa was inviting, and Iwaizumi seemed to be welcomed. 

They moved to the couch, plates of food in hand, and Iwaizumi found himself in between Daichi and Oikawa, with Oikawa pressed against the far end of the couch because apparently, that was the best spot. 

Suga was saying something about him being wrong, but Iwaizumi’s thoughts were too focused on how close Oikawa was. With Daichi sitting beside Iwaizumi, his weight shifted Iwaizumi a little closer to Oikawa, and he froze when he felt his thigh brush his. He didn’t look over at Oikawa, but he could hear Oikawa’s voice stutter, if only for a second. Instead of moving, however, Oikawa seemed to relax against him, and Iwaizumi tried to focus back on whatever Suga was saying. 

Iwaizumi leaned back into the couch and let Daichi and Oikawa fight over what movie they were to watch. He tried to focus on eating his food, but every now and then Oikawa would wiggle or adjust in his seat and his leg would continue to brush against him. By the time the movie was finally started, he sighed and adjusted again. And then he wouldn’t stop. He wiggled and huffed, stretched his legs out, and then bumped his shoulder into Iwaizumi too hard that he dropped the last bite of his food on his zip-up.

Daichi laughed, Suga was trying not to giggle, and Oikawa looked like he was about to get on his knees and apologize. Iwaizumi’s face grew red at that image. “I’m sorry, Iwa. I was trying to get comfortable-”

“It’s fine.” He put his plate on the table in front of him and sighed as he took off his zip-up. Oikawa shut up and took the jacket for him before mumbling something about taking it to the laundry room. 

Daichi was still chuckling, and Iwaizumi bumped his shoulder, almost making him spill too. They ended up having a little shoving match until Suga told them to stop before they ruined his rug. 

**Oikawa**

**Oikawa:** I AM SO STUPID

**Oikawa:** HE’S PROBABLY ANNOYED WITH ME NOW. KILL ME.

**Suga:** Oh my god chill. He’s fine! It was just a jacket and it’ll be fine. 

**Oikawa:** I should just stay in here and maybe crawl in the dryer and die.

**Suga:** Tooru. Get out here. They’re literally play wrestling. Iwa’s fine.

**Oikawa:** Fine, but I’m going to sulk.

Oikawa started the wash cycle and slowly walked back into the living room. Iwaizumi and Daichi were, indeed, about to tackle each other to the floor, but Suga put a stop to it with his scary-mom-voice. Iwaizumi’s cheeks were flushed and he was smiling, and god his biceps were now on display. Oikawa met his eyes and Iwaizumi didn’t let his smile fall. 

“Sorry again.” He sat back down on the couch and gave Iwaizumi a weak smile. 

Iwaizumi chuckled and bumped his shoulder against his, making Oikawa’s entire arm burn with warmth. “It’s fine.” He smiled and Oikawa believed him. “It was Daichi’s anyway.”

“Oh, fuck you, Iwa.” Daichi said around a mouthful of food. 

Oikawa huffed a laugh and settled back in for the movie that Suga eagerly started. He couldn’t resist adjusting again, blushing when his leg brushed against Iwaizumi’s again. He really couldn’t get comfortable without pressing his entire body against Iwaiazumi’s, and he wasn’t sure the other man was ready for that much contact yet. He knew Iwaizumi had a limit with touching others, mostly because he’d been hyper fixated on how much Iwaizumi would touch Daichi and Suga because as much as he hated to admit it, Oikawa really, really wanted to touch him too. 

“Oikawa?” Oikawa stopped moving and peeked over to see Iwaizumi had turned his head towards him. The movie was still playing and Iwaizumi’s voice was only loud enough for Oikawa to hear. He was ready to apologize when Iwaizumi spoke again. “Do you want to-I can move if you want?”

Oikawa immediately shook his head. The last thing he wanted to do was for Iwaizumi to be any farther away from him than he already was. “No. Sorry, I-I just… I’m kind of squished and-” he sighed and took a deep breath. His heart was in his throat. “Can you-you don’t have to put can you just-”

He hesitantly reached for Iwaizumi’s wrist. Iwaizumi was watching him, but he didn’t pull away when Oikawa brought his arm around his own shoulders. He waited a moment for Iwaizumi to either tell him to fuck off or maybe yank his arm back, but his arm settled heavily around Oikawa’s shoulders, warm and solid. Oikawa took a chance and leaned into his side, his head resting against his solid chest. He could feel his own heart pounding in his chest, and in this position he could hear Iwaizumi’s. He breathed for a moment, and when he felt Iwaizumi’s hand relax against his arm, he spoke quietly. “Is this okay?”

Iwaizumi was taking deep breaths, and Oikawa let himself feel how warm the other man was. He smelled good, so good, and he tried to soak in the moment for as long as he could. “Yeah. It’s-it’s fine, Oikawa.”

Oikawa was resisting the urge to scream, so instead of speaking he just nodded and blinked back at the TV screen. He had no idea what was happening anymore. He was completely focused on the Iwaizumi and Iwaizumi’s body, the way his fingers started to hesitantly trace patterns on his arm, how his breath would tickle the top of his head. He let himself relax and found himself fighting a smile.

**Iwaizumi**

Iwaizumi was fairly certain his heart was about to leap out of his chest and his Oikawa right in the face. Somehow he ended up with his arm around Oikawa, who was now practically snuggling into his chest, his hand dangerously close to Iwaizumi’s thigh. He was positive his hands were sweating and probably his underarms too, each time Oikawa shifted he was certain he was going to sit up and ask him why he was freaking out so much. But he loved this. Oikawa was warm and with his head so close his hair tickling his chin, Iwaizumi could smell his shampoo. He could feel his smile against his chest and his hot breath through his shirt.

He didn’t remember the last time he sat with someone like this. Suga and Daichi didn’t count, really, because there was no hoping they would just lean up and kiss his jaw. No, he’s pretty sure if either of them did that he’d push them off the couch and ask if they were drunk, but if Oikawa did that… Well, Iwaizumi still might think he was drunk, but he would revel in it for the rest of his days. 

“Anyone want popcorn?”

Iwaizumi looked up at Suga who was straight up smirking at him from where he stood. He felt Oikawa shake his head and he stuttered around a no. Daichi clapped his shoulder when he stood up and volunteered to help Suga make some. Iwaizumi stared frozen at the TV when they left the room. He and Oikawa were alone and he had no idea what to do or say, frankly because Oikawa finally moved his hand to his thigh.

“They probably just wanted to go makeout.” 

Oikawa’s voice was annoyed but very tired, and Iwaizumi felt a rush of warmth travel from his chest to his face when he rubbed his face against him. “If they wanted to do that they would have just done it in front of us.”

Oikawa laughed and the sound was absolutely beautiful. Iwaizumi felt himself unconsciously squeeze his arm, wanting the sound closer. Oikawa sighed and titled his face up, his breath fanning against Iwaizumi’s neck. He resisted shuddering. “You’re probably right.” The sound of Suga’s giggle following a small moan made them both chuckle. “They’re disgusting.”

Iwaizumi laughed, and Oikawa smiled again. “They’re in love. But yeah, they’re way too comfortable with it.”

“That reminds me of how desperately I need to find my own place.” Oikawa groaned and tilted his head up again. “If i have to wake up to the sound of them going at it again I’ll start living in the streets, I swear.”

Iwaizumi knew the feeling all too well. “Yeah, I used to keep headphones in my room but now I just leave until they’re done.” Oikawa chuckled, and Iwaizumi soaked the vibrations in before he cleared his throat. “How long are you staying?” It was a thought that he’d had in the back of his mind. All he really knew was that Oikawa came here for Suga’s birthday but he’s been staying since he was suddenly single. He still didn’t know all the details, but he didn’t know when was an appropriate time to ask. 

“Probably a while.” Oikawa sighed, and he took a breath before sighing again, a little more dramatically. “The only thing I really have back in Tokyo is an ex and I really don’t see a point in going back there.”

Iwaizumi felt Oikawa’s fingers shift against his thigh. “I was uh- I was wondering when to ask about that.” Oikawa looked away, and Iwaizumi continued. “You don’t have to say anything, I just… last thing I knew… you were engaged.”

Oikawa nodded, and then he sat up. Iwaizumi was worried he ruined everything, but Oikawa was suddenly looking at him now, his face close enough that if Iwaizumi looked hard enough, he could count the shades of gold in Oikawa’s eyes before he looked away. “I was, and now… I’m not. We just didn’t work out, I guess.” He shrugged and Iwaizumi watched a few emotions run across his face before he looked up again. Oikawa seemed to settle on indifference, his eyes instead watch Iwaizumi carefully. “We wanted different things and he just couldn’t give me what I needed.”

Iwaizumi couldn’t stop himself now. Oikawa’s eyes were round, warm, and he couldn’t look away. He could hear his own heart beating, his words getting caught in his throat. “What do you need?”

Oikawa didn’t break eye contact either, and Iwaizumi was overthinking the concept of them just looking at each other like this, but he didn’t want to look away. He felt safe right here, despite the way his hands were definitely shaking now. Oikawa either didn’t notice or was really good at pretending he didn’t. Oikawa’s voice was quiet, and his eyes scanned over Iwaizumi’s face before he sighed quietly. “I’m not sure yet, but I think I’ll know when I find it.”

Iwaizumi watched Oikawa glance down at his lips, and he suddenly wanted him closer. If he leaned in, he could brush his lips against Oikawa’s, he could kiss him right then and there. 

Daichi and Suga came back in, and Oikawa muttered something under his breath before he ducked his head back down into Iwaizumi’s chest. Iwaizumi wasn’t sure that he was breathing right, but he was sure that he was going to kill Daichi later. 

They put on another movie after the first one, and Iwaizumi was noticing how Oikawa’s voice was growing more and more tired. When the movie was nearly finished, he felt his breath start to even out, the subtle rise and fall of his shoulders became deeper and a little farther apart. Iwaizumi settled in for the long haul. 

**Oikawa**

He knew it was probably a cheap move, but he really was tired and Iwaizumi was just so warm and close. He smelled good and Oikawa was weak. He was weak! And now he was snuggled up close, the TV was playing credits, and he could hear Daichi and Suga get up from the couch, he could hear them talking, but he didn’t want to move. Iwaizumi’s arm was still around him, his fingers tracing little patterns on his arm and he just felt so good. 

“...It’s fine. He’s tired so I’ll just-I’ll just stay.”

“Sorry, Iwa.” Suga’s voice said, and Oikawa prayed to God his friend would use his secret mind-reading skills to figure this one out. “He’s a really heavy sleeper.” Oikawa resisted the urge to smile. “If you want to leave just put him on the couch, okay?”

He felt Iwaizumi nod and then bid the two goodnights. The room got darker, and Oikawa was sure Iwaizumi would sit up soon. Instead, he just breathed deeply, and Oikawa tried not to react when he felt his lips brush against the top of his head. “I know you’re not asleep.” Oikawa froze, and he really should have gotten up, but he didn’t want to move. “You used to do this when we were kids, you know? Pretend you were sleeping so you could stay the night.” Iwaizumi didn’t sound mad. Oikawa relaxed. He tilted his head up but didn’t make a move to sit up. “I don’t think my parents ever believed you.”

“They still let me stay.” Oikawa smiled when Iwaizumi chuckled, the sound coming from deep in his chest, so Oikawa could feel it rumble up his throat and past his lips. His heart was still beating a little too fast, but he leaned up so he could look at him again. Iwaizumi looked soft and tired, his cheeks a little rosey. His eyes were a darker shade of grey, the green barely visible in the low light of the room, and Oikawa liked this Iwaizumi. “They loved me.”

He could feel the way the man's breath stuttered when he spoke. “You know, back then I fucked up a lot.”

“We were kids, Iwa.” Iwaizumi didn’t look convinced, and Oikawa didn’t hesitate to bring his hand up and press it against the man’s face. He leaned into the touch, and it hurt to see the look in his eyes. He didn’t really know how they got to this point, but Oikawa couldn’t stop himself. “You have to know I don’t blame you for it.”

“But you should.” His reply was quick, but Oikawa didn’t back away. He expected it. “You should probably still hate me, actually.”

Oikawa sighed and let his thumb brush against Iwaizumi’s cheekbone. “You’re ridiculous to think that.”

“I hurt you, Oikawa.”

“And so did the neighbor kid who pushed me down the steps at school.”

Iwaizumi wanted to look away, Oikawa knew that. He let his hand drop to his chest, and Iwaizumi looked down at it, his brows furrowing. “That’s not the same thing.”

Oikawa sighed. He’d thought about what he wanted to say to Iwaizumi for years. For a long time, he _was_ scared of Iwaizumi. He was too young to understand what happened in the moment, why his best friend was suddenly so angry, why he was suddenly pushing him to the ground and punching him in the face so hard he remembered the cracking sound. But when he learned why he’d hit him like that, Oikawa forgave him immediately. He just wasn’t ready to see Iwaizumi because for years he was scared that maybe he would make Iwaizumi mad again, maybe he was the reason for it all to happen in the first place. In Oikawa’s head, the best thing for him to do was stay away and maybe Iwaizumi would get better. Oikawa wouldn't annoy him anymore, he wouldn’t push the buttons that only he knew how to push. Oikawa was the problem in the scenario he’d created in his head. It was never Iwaizumi’s fault. But thinking about it now, it didn’t make any sense, and it really wasn’t fair. Iwaizumi clearly thought he’d waited years to come back to him because he hated him. 

“Did you want to hurt me?” Iwaizumi looked up, and his eyes were terrified, horrified at the very idea. He was whispering nos, nevers, and Oikawa leaned in, quieting him with the press of his forehead against Iwaizumi’s. “I know you didn’t want to. I never hated you, Iwa.” His hand clenched the t-shirt beneath his hands. “I could never hate you.” Iwaizumi’s breath was coming a little too fast, but Oikawa didn’t move away. He trailed his fingers up to his jaw until he could lift his face up. Iwaizumi looked at him then, his eyes a little red, his cheeks pink. “I’m sorry I ran away for so long.” Iwaizumi’s eyes flickered down to Oikawa’s lips, and Oikawa brushed his nose against his. “Can I kiss you now?” 

Iwaizumi nodded, just a small movement, but it was enough to send a shiver down Oikawa’s spine. He took a second to steady his own breath before leaning in and pressing his lips to Iwaizumi’s. For a moment, it was just the two of them, and Oikawa thought back to the first time they did this. They were too young to know what kissing really meant, too young for it to mean anything. Oikawa had been crying, he cut his lip open during recess, and Iwaizumi kissed it better. This was nothing like that first time. 

**Iwaizumi**

Oikawa’s lips were pliant against his, soft and pillowy when he sucked on the bottom lip between his own. He was warm all over, kissing Oikawa like this, slow and steady like they’d done this a million times before. And then his hand slid to the back of Oikawa’s head, his fingers sliding through silky hair, and he tugged lightly, a barely-there pull, and Oikawa let out a small gasp against Iwaizumi’s lips. He pulled back just enough to look at him, at the way his lashes were fluttering, his cheeks red and his eyes hazy as he blinked to look at Iwaizumi. Then he was leaning in again, licking at Oikawa’s bottom lip until his jaw fell open enough for him to lick into his mouth. Oikawa’s answering moan was low, coming from deep in his chest, and Iwaizumi pressed closer. 

His nails scratching against Oikawa’s scalp drew out a shudder from the other man, and he curled his tongue against him as Oikawa shifted and moved to practically sit up on his knees. Iwaizumi slid his hands down his back and pulled back again, their breaths coming hot and a little too fast as they looked at each other. Oikawa threw his leg over Imaizumi's lap, and before he could say anything, he was kissing him again, his arms wrapping around the back of his neck, one hand in his hair. 

“You okay?” Oikawa asked, his voice shaking. 

Iwaizumi nodded, not sure that he could speak even if he wanted to. Oikawa smiled then, and Iwaizumi smiled back, brushing his nose against Oikawa. They were kissing again, Iwaizumi’s hands sliding down to grip at Oikawa’s waist, pulling him just a little closer, so their chests were nearly touching. Oikawa made a small noise against his lips when his hands slid to his thighs. He couldn’t hold back a noise of his own when he felt the smooth skin underneath his palms. Oikawa settled his weight down onto his lap.

Their sweatpants didn’t hide their arousal, and Oikawa pulled away to press kisses against his jaw, down his neck. Iwaizumi shivered when Oikawa nipped at his skin, and the small movement of his hips pressed them even closer. He pulled Oikawa back up and kissed him, letting them swallow each other’s moans at the feeling of their erections brushing together through their pants. 

Iwaizumi pulled away when Oikawa rolled his hips, a gasp on his lips, but it got caught in his throat. “Oikawa-”

“Sorry-” Oikawa pressed his forehead against Iwaizumi’s and kissed him softly this time, just a barely-there brush of his lips against his. “Sorry, we should slow down.” Iwaizumi nodded and tried to catch his breath, it was coming a little faster than Oikawa’s. “Iwa?”

He realized his hands were shaking when Oikawa slid off his lap and reached down to grab them with his own. “I’m fine.” He knew he was lying, and that Oikawa could tell too, by the way his voice sounded. “Sorry, I think I just-”

Oikawa shook his head. “No, I shouldn’t have- sorry, I got carried away.”

Iwaizumi huffed a weak laugh and managed to look at him. “Don’t apologize for that.”

Oikawa gave him a weak smile back, his thumbs rubbing circles onto the back of his hands. He calmed down soon enough, though he could feel the beginnings of a headache starting. “Sorry. Sometimes I just-I think I was feeling too much at once and-and sometimes it gets like that. Sorry.” He frowned down at his hands, his hands in Oikawa’s slender pale ones. His fingers were definitely still longer, but Iwaizumi’s palms looked a lot larger against his. 

“It’s okay.” Oikawa pulled one of his hands away and tilted Iwaizumi’s face up. He leaned in and pressed a kiss to the corner of his mouth. “I’m not sure it’s a good idea if we continued that with Daichi and Suga one room away anyway.” Iwaizumi smiled crookedly, and Oikawa kissed him again. He closed his eyes and let himself relax against him. 

When they pulled apart, Iwaizumi chased him for another one, just to see Oikawa smile. “Five year old me would be so jealous right now.”

Oikawa laughed, pulling away but keeping his body pressed alongside his. “You’re an idiot, Iwa-chan.”

Iwaizumi blinked at the name, and he felt a smile creep up his face on it’s own. Oikawa was still chuckling, and Iwaizumi wasn’t sure if he even noticed what he said, but he felt a piece of his own heartbreak off just then. It didn’t hurt, in fact, he felt a little lighter, knowing a piece of his heart was Oikawa’s once again. 

**Oikawa**

When Oikawa woke up, he was curled up against Iwaizumi’s chest and it was still dark out. He shifted and felt Iwaizumi’s arm tighten around him. Warmth flooded his chest, and he bit down on the smile on his lips when he looked up to see Iwaizumi with his mouth parted, a soft snore spilling from his lips. The lips he kissed. Oikawa snuggled back down against him and breathed in deeply, taking in Iwaizumi’s sleepy scent, relishing in the warmth he gave off, and let his eyes close shut again. He stopped fighting his own smile. 

_“Iwa-chan, do you think frogs can fall in love?”_

_Iwaizumi jumped into one of the puddles and cackled when the water splashed up even higher than before. “I dunno.” He shrugged and hopped out of the puddle, his shoes completely drenched. “Probably not.”_

_Oikawa pouted and jumped in his own puddle. His rain boots keeping him safe and dry. “Why not?”_

_Iwaizumi rolled his eyes and ran to jump in another one. “Because they’re frogs. They don’t get married or anything.”_

_“How do you know?”_

_“Because I’ve never seen it.”_

_Oikawa ran to catch up with him. “Just because you can’t see something doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist, Iwa-chan.”_

_“Frogs aren’t your stupid aliens.” Iwaizumi jumped in another puddle and laughed when it splashed onto Oikawa’s clothes._

_“Iwa-chan!” Iwaizumi laughed and let Oikawa push him away, but he still followed Oikawa back to his house so he could change jackets. When Oikawa came back out of the house, Iwaizumi was holding a bucket and he was smiling proudly. “What did you catch, Iwa-chan?”_

_Iwaizumi held out the bucket for Oikawa to look inside, and he chuckled when Oikawa squeaked and jumped back. “Don’t be a baby, Oikawa.”_

_“I’m not a baby.” Oikawa furrowed his brows and took a breath before stepping closer to look in the bucket again. “There’s two in there.”_

_The two little frogs were practically clinging to each other, one just a little bigger than the other. Oikawa smiled down at them and when he looked up, Iwaizumi was already watching him. “Found ‘em behind the tree.”_

_Oikawa looked down at them again and laughed when one nearly jumped at him. They looked at them for a little bit until Oikawa ran to get his book on frogs. They figured out what type they were after some arguing, and then he followed Iwaizumi back to the tree. Oikawa kneeled down next to him when Iwaizumi tilted the bucket and tapped it a few times. The frogs eventually crawled out, one over the other, and Oikawa watched them hop together through the grass._

_“I still don’t think frogs can fall in love.” Iwaizumi said, sitting down and watching the frogs hop off together._

_Oikawa plopped down next to him and kicked the bucket closer to Iwaizumi. “Maybe not.” He shrugged. “Maybe they just stay friends forever, but I think they fall in love.”_

_Iwaizumi was watching him now, and Oikawa wanted to ask what he was staring at, if maybe he had something on his face. But Iwaizumi furrowed his brows at him then, his mouth twisting up in the corner. Sometimes when he did that it meant Oikawa was getting on his nerves. Other times, it meant he was thinking really hard about something, like when he was trying to figure out what color he wanted his birthday cake to be. Oikawa sighed and fell back into the grass, his eyes staring up at the sky. Iwaizumi copied him and threw his hands above his head, stretching out underneath the sun. “Maybe they do, Oikawa.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter might take a little longer to get out. Kinda feeling bleh, mentally, and I'm stuck between two ways to go with the next few chapters. But please let me know what you're liking so far to whoever is reading :) thank you so much!!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one took a little longer to get out! I was debating on a few scenes in here and wanted to add a few details and then I sort of got sidetracked by DaiSuga...and ended up writing a few other small fics. Anyway, hope you enjoy! Next chapter should be fun ;)
> 
> ps I did change my username so it matches my twitter now!!

**Iwaizumi**

Iwaizumi was convinced he’d been floating for about a week now. Oikawa still visited the gym, but now he pulled Iwaizumi into the locker room and kissed him hello. They’d been texting more, Oikawa using more of his ridiculous little faces, and Iwaizumi would get flustered every time Oikawa reminded him of kissing him again. Daichi thought it was hilarious. 

“You know we could definitely hear you guys that night, right?”

Iwaizumi shoved Daichi’s shoulder and went back to glaring at the carrot he was currently chopping. “Shut up, as if the entire floor hasn’t heard you and Suga.”

Daichi chuckled but Iwaizumi took the reddening of his ears as a win. They both went back to prepping dinner and Iwaizumi relaxed in the easy silence. Daichi was the first to break it. “I’m happy for you though. Suga and I both are.”

He hummed in response, moving on to the celery now. “It’s...nice.”

“Nice?” Daichi scoffed and pointed his own knife at him. “Iwa, you are not about to downplay this.”

“And you’re not about to blow this up into something more than what it is.” He replied quickly. This was something that was actually a Daichi thing rather than an Iwaizumi thing. 

Anxiety makes Iwaizumi overthink just about everything. He still hesitates on whether or not he should hold the door open for people because he really doesn’t want to be overbearing, but if he doesn’t do it then he’ll think about how much of dick he probably looked like. And that was where Daichi’s more… Glass half-full type thinking came in. Since Iwaizumi overthought, he didn’t let himself enjoy things as much; he didn’t celebrate much at all so Daichi overcompensated. The first month Iwaizumi took his pills without forgetting, Daichi brought home his favorite food and baked him a goddamn cake. If Iwaizumi didn’t go into an episode, Daichi would go on and on about how great his new medicine must be, and how he’d leave a good yelp review for Ennoshita. Iwaizumi was grateful for Daichi, he really was, but sometimes he just wished his friend would not treat him like a five year old. But the reality was that Daichi loved him and wanted to help, so overcompensating was a thing.

It didn’t mean he wasn’t going to get pissed about it. 

“Oikawa likes you. You like Oikawa. You clearly have sexual chemistry-”

“Can we not-”

“You’re good at spending time with him, and I can tell you’re happy about it. Suga talks about Oikawa-”

“You need to stop talking about us-”

“And he likes you too. So just ask him to be your boyfriend and-”

“Daichi-”

“Just suck it up and it’ll be-”

“Fuck.” Daichi stopped talking and followed Iwaizumi’s eyesight to his finger, which was now bleeding all over his freshly chopped celery. “Goddamnit.”

“Shit.” Daichi moved out of the way as Iwaizumi walked over to their sink and rinsed off the cut, hissing at how cold the water was. “Is it deep? Do we need to go to the hospital?”

Iwaizumi shook his head and squeezed at his finger, watching where the blood started to pool again. “It’s fine, just-” he took a deep breath and leaned his body weight onto the counter. “Just get me the first aid kit.”

“Right.” Daichi left the room and was back just as quickly. “Sorry.” He mumbled as Iwaizumi pulled his finger out from under the water and let Daichi bandage it. “I got carried away.”

“No shit.” Iwaizumi mumbled, clenching his jaw when the disinfectant was poured on. Daichi mumbled a few more apologies before finishing up. When he left the room, Iwaizumi scrapped the celery and started to clean up the mess. His finger didn’t hurt too bad, but it definitely stung every time he moved it. He was more worried about Daichi’s sagging shoulders and carefully stoic face as he came in to finish cooking dinner. “Daichi.”

Daichi paused what he was doing and looked up at Iwaizumi. He was instantly reminded of the first time he met Daichi, when they were back in high school and Iwaizumi was a fucking asshole to everyone around him. He knew the only reason he was allowed to keep coming back to practice was because he was a good wing spiker. His teammates hated him, calling him a ticking time bomb behind his back. They weren’t wrong. Iwaizumi still didn’t know what was wrong with him, but he was seeing therapists and on his second round of medication that decidedly wasn’t working. 

They were at a training camp and they’d lost a game when Iwaizumi had to go outside to cool down before he flew into another episode. Daichi had been there too, finishing a call with his siblings before he dropped down in a crouch in front of Iwaizumi and helped him through breathing exercises. Daichi honestly looked terrified, rather than comforting, but it was enough that he was able to stow his shit for a later time. He learned years later that Daichi’s sister had anxiety, bad enough she would have to call Daichi when he was away just to know he was still alive and coming back home. 

“I’m not mad at you or anything. And my finger is fine. I’m fine. I should have been paying more attention, alright?” 

Daichi watched him for a second, clearly trying to read him, before he nodded and went back to cooking. They finished up quickly after that and settled on their couch to eat and watch whatever game was on. One of the many things he appreciated about Daichi was that he never really held grudges. He got pissed off and would leave until he was cooled down, but he always came back. 

“I found a ring.”

Iwaizumi furrowed his brow, thrown off by the comment until realization hit. “Holy shit.”

Daichi was smiling, the tips of his ears red. He set his empty plate down and turned to Iwaizumi. “It’s expensive, but nothing crazy.”

“Suga would kick your ass if you wasted your money on something like a ring.”

“I know,” Daichi laughed and Iwaizumi wanted to simultaneously coo and vomit at how full of love Daichi’s eyes were. “But it’s perfect. I’m picking it up next week.”

Iwaizumi knew Daichi was looking for one, but he didn’t think everything would happen so fast. His hands were sweating now. “When are you popping the question?”

“Next month.” Iwaizumi nearly choked on his own tongue. Daichi’s smile was shaky now. “It’s stupid that I’m nervous, right?”

“Very.” He took a deep breath and tried to tell his head to shut up. But that stupid part of him was thinking all those thoughts again. “You know he loves you.” This was a very good thing. A great thing, even. 

Daichi nodded. Even with his own eyes downcast, he could feel Daichi watching him, looking for any signs that he needed to stop talking about it. He dug his nails into his own palm, instantly regretting it when he remembered the cut on his finger, and pushed back his selfish thoughts. He’d thought about all of this already, he’d worked through it on his own and then Ennoshita, and he was fine with it, he really was. Daichi and Suga would never just forget about him. He just wasn’t a fan of change, especially not this fast, even if the idea of Daichi and Suga getting married wasn’t really surprising. But he was happy, really. If not just a bit anxious. 

“I’m happy for you.” He forced himself to say, which was stupid because it was true. He took a breath and faced Daichi now, putting more determination in his voice. “How are you going to ask?”

Daichi took a moment just to double check before he sighed and sunk back into the couch. “You’re going to laugh at me.”

He smiled, ready to laugh. Daichi was a fucking sap. “Yeah, I probably will.”

Daichi was red in the face as he explained his elaborate plan, and Iwaizumi did indeed laugh. It was over the top and cheesy, but he knew Suga would love it. He figured that’s why they worked so well. 

Iwaizumi and Oikawa have been spending a lot of time together. It was casual, and a lot of the times Daichi or Suga, or the both of them, were there with them, but it didn’t feel like they were buffers anymore. Oikawa was funny, even though a lot of the times he wasn't not sure that he meant to be.

They were in Iwaizumi’s room, sitting cross legged on Iwaizumi’s bed while they looked at apartments for Oikawa. His excuse for moving so quickly was that if he kept eating the sweets Suga baked, he would get fat. Iwaizumi laughed because he knew that feeling all too well. Suga’s solution to anything and everything was to eat some sort of baked good. 

Oikawa was pouting. Iwaizumi was ignoring him. And after the fourth sigh, Iwaizumi looked over to see Oikawa already looking at him with pleading eyes. “Anyone ever tell you you’re a brat?” The pleading look didn’t change, even as Oikawa nodded. Iwaizumi sighed, because he was weak when it came to Oikawa, and let his shoulders drop. “Fine. Go get it.”

The smile he got in return was bright, and ridiculously adorable. Oikawa scrambled off the bed and into the kitchen, where Iwaizumi could hear him opening cupboards and probably making a mess. He smiled to himself anyway, because when Oikawa came back in the room he was clearly trying to hide an excited smile, and he was thrumming with an excitement that was contagious. Which was, again, absolutely ridiculous because all Iwaizumi did was agree to doing a facemask with him. 

“I promise you’ll love this Iwa. It’s all-natural and great for your skin type.”

Iwaizumi sighed. “And what’s my skin type?”

Oikawa sat back down on the bed and smirked at him. “Sweaty.” He frowned, and Oikawa laughed at him. He was so cute. “And very, very handsome.” Iwaizumi felt his cheeks flush, if only a little. “But mostly dry as hell, so that’s why this will help.”

“Fuck you.” Oikawa laughed again, but dug into the bowl with his fingers and reached out to essentially paint his face with the mixture. “Doesn’t smell too bad.”

“It’s mostly just honey and avocados.” Oikawa’s tongue was poking out between his lips, and Iwaizumi tried not to smile. Adorable. “Oh, and a little oatmeal.” Iwaizumi hummed in acknowledgment and waited patiently until Oikawa was done. Once his face was completely covered, Oikawa sat back and smiled proudly. “I’m taking a picture.”

Iwaizumi didn’t even protest, because he knew it was useless, but he refused to smile. Which apparently was hilarious, and then he did end up smiling anyway because it was impossible not to smile when Oikawa was laughing. 

Too many pictures later, Oikawa decided he needed to wash his hands. He got up to go to the bathroom, but Iwaizumi frowned. “Hey, aren’t you going to do one too?”

Oikawa laughed and patted the top of Iwaizumi’s hand as he walked past him. “Oh, Iwa-chan. My skin’s already perfect!”

Iwaizumi couldn’t even be mad at him, not when he heard that nickname again. He smiled and shook his head. His heart doing a little flip each time Oikawa said it the rest of the time they were together. A part of him knew it was probably stupid, that he should probably be annoyed at the childish nickname, but he couldn’t help but long to hear it again. That part of him could shut the hell up, because the other, bigger part of him that thought he’d never hear it again was ecstatic. 

**Oikawa**

He’d spent the week on cloud nine. Being able to kiss Iwaizumi was some sort of fever dream he never wanted to wake up from, and texting him all the time made him feel like he was back in high school. Suga would laugh at him but he couldn’t find it in him to care. Oikawa didn’t know what he and Iwaizumi were, but he figured they were something like boyfriends. Though, maybe Oikawa was getting ahead of himself. 

After another class with Hinata, Oikawa slowly worked through a cool down job on one of the treadmills. And if he picked the one in front of the mirror that was angled towards Iwaizumi, it would have been pure coincidence. He watched Iwaizumi go through the motions with some woman. She looked incredibly tiny next to Iwaizumi, probably an entire foot shorter, blonde and jittery, but she was strong and worked through all her sets. Iwaizumi’s arms flexed as he helped her with the bench press, and Oikawa thanked whoever came up with the idea of tank tops. 

He hopped off the machine just as the woman was thanking Iwaizumi, and Oikawa worked through some stretches while he waited for Iwaizumi to finish with his last client. This man was tall, taller than Iwaizumi and maybe even taller than himself, though his messy black hair may have helped with that. He was attractive, maybe the type of guy Oikawa would pick up at a bar, and he was a flirt. He stood closely to Iwaizumi, smirking and mumbling something when Iwaizumi would have to physically correct his stance. By the looks of the man’s body, he knew what he was doing and he just wanted Iwaizumi to touch him. Now, Oikawa wasn’t really a jealous person. He wasn’t. He refused to be because no matter how hot the fantasy of jealousy was, real jealousy was not attractive. Iwaizumi was doing his job, his hands weren’t lingering, and his face never slipped into anything other than professional neutrality. Iwaizumi was doing his job. The other man, however, was kind of pissing him off. 

After they seemed to have wrapped up, the other man shook Iwaizumi’s hand a little too long, the smirk still on his face, but that seemed to be all. Oikawa let out a breath of relief. He finished his last stretch and waved at Iwaizumi when he looked over and smiled at him. He was really gorgeous, and hot, and Oikawa was so into him that it made his heart beat a little too fast. He nodded when Iwaizumi mouthed he’d be over in a bit, and Oikawa watched as he went to talk to the woman at the front desk. Kiyoko, Oikawa remembered. She was beautiful, and seriously what was up with this gym and all the attractive people here? Oikawa had talked to her a few times and though she was very quiet, she was quite funny and he promised to try one of her classes sometime. But then he watched her touch Iwaizumi’s arm to get his attention, and she kept it there. Iwaizumi didn’t seem to notice, but Oikawa did. 

He felt his jaw clench, because surely this wasn’t a new thing if Iwaizumi wasn’t thrown off by it. Clearly she’d been doing this for a long time, even before Oikawa came into town. Clearly, she liked Iwaizumi. This was only proven further when she laughed and squeezed his bicep, just enough that Oikawa nearly squeezed the water from his bottle he’d been clenching. He wasn’t jealous. He wasn’t. He and Iwaizumi weren’t dating. They talked and hung out and they kissed but they weren’t. 

Oikawa looked away and pulled out his phone.

 **Oikawa:** I want Iwa to be my boyfriend.

 **Suga:** The icecaps are melting at an alarming rate.

 **Oikawa:** What???

 **Suga:** Oh, I just thought we were stating obvious facts.

 **Oikawa:** I hate you

 **Oikawa:** I’m kidding. I don’t. But I’m being jealous and I hate it.

 **Oikawa:** The pretty yoga teacher keeps touching Iwa

 **Suga:** Kiyoko? Oh. 

**Oikawa:** “Oh”?? Does she do that a lot?

 **Suga:** Um, well she used to like him back in college. 

**Oikawa:** WHAT?? WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME THIS.

He looked up and saw that the two were still talking. Kiyoko had thankfully dropped her hand but they were still close and she was smiling all pretty and Iwaizumi was as stoic as ever. 

**Suga:** I don’t know! I don’t think she still likes him though.

 **Oikawa:** She touches him a lot. And she’s pretty.

 **Suga:** Tooru.

 **Oikawa:** (╥_╥)

“Hey, you ready?” Oikawa closed his messaging app and looked up. He nodded and Iwaizumi reached out his hand, and Oikawa grabbed it and let him pull him up. “Get enough cooldowns in while you were not so subtly watching me work?”

Oikawa blushed at Iwaizumi’s smirk, but didn’t drop their hands. “Shut up, Iwa. So mean.” Iwaizumi chuckled and tugged him towards the front doors. Kiyoko waved to them and Oikawa tried not to be petty, he did, but he still didn’t wave back. Iwaizumi started talking about something, and Oikawa listened and nodded at all the right times, but he could still feel the jealousy tugging at him. 

It was still kind of crazy to think that they were together again. Oikawa wasn’t sure that it would ever actually happen, and when they first talked he had no idea they would get even this far. He didn’t think that he’d ever be able to hold his hand or kiss him. Iwaizumi always felt so far away, and it was partly Oikawa’s fault for keeping it that way. They’d both been terrified, for different reasons that still made Oikawa heart ache, and now they were together and Oikawa felt a little bit of that fear creeping back in. He didn’t want to rush anything and he didn’t want anything to be based on jealousy. He knew it was stupid, but then Iwaizumi looked over at him and squeezed his hand and Oikawa understood that it wasn’t really jealousy. Because he trusted that Iwaizumi didn’t like anyone but him, there was no chance he looked at anyone else like that.

“Iwa?”

Iwaizumi slowed to a stop. “You okay?”

Oikawa nodded and met his eyes. “I want-” He took a breath and settled his voice. “I want us to be together. Officially.” Iwaizumi blinked owlishly, and Oikawa adored how he could go from hot to cute in less than a second. “Be my boyfriend.”

His brows furrowed, but Oikawa knew it was his thinking furrow, not his grumpy one. Oikawa smiled and Iwaizumi blushed before tugging him a little closer. “You’re serious?” Oikawa nodded, his smile not fading. “Yeah, I’ll be-” He huffed and tugged Oikawa’s jacket. He was too cute. “I’ll be your boyfriend.”

Oikawa pulled him in for a kiss and laughed when Iwaizumi blushed even harder. 

**Iwaizumi**

Iwaizumi settled deeper into the chair and let out a deep breath. He was comfortable in Ennoshita’s office. It was clean but didn’t feel or smell like a hospital, and he had a Godzilla poster on his wall that made Iwaizumi feel like he was back in his room. 

“So, you and Oikawa are boyfriends?”

Iwaizumi nodded. They’d gone over medication and then Iwaizumi had told him about his week. He wasn’t really planning to tell Ennoshita about his new relationship status but he’d been spending so much time with Oikawa lately that it slipped out. “Yeah, it’s...It’s new.”

“A good new?”

He looked down at his feet and fiddled with the Rubix cube in his hands. Ennoshita left things out for his patients to mess with, and for some reason, Iwaizumi always grabbed that one. “I like him. I mean,” he laughed morbidly. “I’ve always liked him, I think. Since we were kids, probably. You know we grew up together and everything that happened.” He swallowed and shook his head. “We talked about it a little. He wasn’t mad at me, and I’ve done a lot better at getting over it, I think.”

“You’ve been doing much better at handling your past, Iwaizumi.” Iwaizumi felt himself relax. Ennoshita always made everything sound better. 

“Yeah.” He nodded. “And things are good, I mean… He’s good. He’s really talkative, which is good because sometimes I don’t like talking, you know? And he’s funny, even though I don’t think he means to be. He’s still kind of stuck up.” Iwaizumi laughed at that. “He’s just confident, and he knows what he wants.”

“He seems like a good man.”

He nodded again. “I like him. A lot.” His throat felt a little tighter as he swallowed, and he felt his hands start to sweat. He set the Rubix cube down and wiped his hands on his jeans, ignoring the way Ennoshita leaned forward. “Can I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

His face was hot and he was embarrassed as hell, but he shook it off. He was paying Ennoshita for help and it wasn’t like he was in high school and had to worry about Ennoshita telling anyone anything. Iwaizumi took a breath. “Is it normal to be scared to have sex?” He looked away when Ennoshita raised a brow. “I mean I’m not-I’ve had sex. I just-”

“Iwaizumi.” Iwaizumi stopped stuttering and looked up. Ennoshita’s face was as stoic as ever, and he let his shoulders relax. “Do you want to have sex with Oikawa?”

His face burned. “Y-yes.”

“Are you experiencing erectile dysfunction?”

“No.” He looked away again. “It’s-everything’s working...down there.”

Ennoshita sat back in his chair. “What happens when the two of you get intimate? What goes through your head?”

Iwaizumi collected himself before he spoke again. “We’ve been kissing. A lot. And it’s great, it’s really, really good. And a few times we’ve… I mean we’ve gotten close but I start to get anxious about it. I think- I guess the problem is I start to think too much. When we-back when he uh, kissed me. In the bathroom. Before everything.” Ennoshita nodded, and Iwaizumi continued. “I felt out of control. He makes me lose control and I worry that if we-if things get too.” He groaned and looked up. “You know what I’m trying to say?”

“I think so.” Ennoshita scribbled something on his notepad and leaned back in his chair. “You’re worried that if things escalate and get too rough, you’ll lose control and possibly hurt him again.”

Iwaizumi flinched at the again, but he knew it was true. “Yeah.”

“Have you talked to him about this?”

“Uh...No.”

Ennoshita scribbled again. “I think you should speak to him about it, but only when you’re comfortable doing so. Maybe if it happens again, when you have to pull away, you can tell him why you’re afraid of going any further. I don’t think he would be upset with you, Iwaizumi. Communication is very vital for a relationship to prosper.” Iwaizumi nodded. He knew he was right. “Right, now tell me about Daichi’s proposal idea.”

Iwaizumi was thankful for the change in the subject. 

A week later, Iwaizumi is helping Oikawa move into his new apartment. He was just as surprised as Suga was to hear he’d found a place, but it was month to month and only temporary. The place was fairly small, but clean, and Iwaizumi made sure to check the faucets and all the doors for anything wrong. Oikawa watched him while he sat at the counter, a small smile on his face, and Iwaizumi knew he was acting like a Dad, but he wanted to make sure his boyfriend wasn’t getting scammed. After a few trips up and down the stairs, Oikawa’s belongings were pretty much put away. His bed was half made but they both collapsed onto it easily.

“Thank you,” Oikawa said, turning on his side to look over at Iwaizumi. “Glad I have a big, strong boyfriend to help me carry things.”

Iwaizumi chuckled and turned to look at him, his comeback dying on his tongue. Oikawa had a slight flush to his cheeks, and the sun peeking through the blinds hit his face just right; he looked like an angel. “You’re beautiful.”

Oikawa’s blush spread and Iwaizumi couldn’t help himself. He rolled onto his side so they were facing each other, their noses close enough that he could brush them together, and then he was leaning in and pressing a kiss to Oikawa’s lips. Oikawa sighed against him, and when Iwaizumi brought his hand up to cup his jaw, he relaxed and opened for him. Iwaizumi loved kissing him. His lips were soft and pliant, and he made the sweetest noises when Iwaizumi sucked at his bottom lip. His body shuddered when he slipped in his tongue, and Iwaizumi dragged him closer. They kissed like that for what felt like an hour, happy to just kiss and feel each other. There wasn’t any heat to it. Iwaizumi thought to himself that he could do this forever, just holding Oikawa, kissing him. He liked to pull different sounds from him, from the way he moaned when Iwaizumi sucked on his tongue to the way he would sigh as his hand trailed up his side, slipping beneath his shirt. 

“Iwa,” Oikawa whispered against his lips. He felt Oikawa tug at his shirt, and he pulled back from their kiss. “Want to be closer.” He said before sitting up and stripping off his shirt. Iwaizumi swallowed and looked at him, his chest and toned body, and he nodded when Oikawa tugged at his shirt again. He sat up and slipped his off, blushing when Oikawa bit his lip. “You’re seriously so hot it’s not fair.”

Iwaizumi chuckled, slightly embarrassed, and pulled Oikawa towards him. “You’re gorgeous.” He whispered before kissing him again. Oikawa smiled against his lips and followed him until they were laying back down, Oikawa halfway on top of him. He sighed as their chests touched, and brought his hand up to push Oikawa’s hair out of his face. He shivered when Oikawa’s hand trailed from his jaw to his chest. He gasped when Oikawa brushed his nipple and Oikawa took it as an opportunity to deepen the kiss. 

Iwaizumi tugged at the hair in his grasp and Oikawa groaned against his lips, moving languidly to straddle him. Iwaizumi’s breath stuttered and Oikawa pulled back to look at him, his eyes round and searching. “Are you okay?”

He nodded. His heart was beating fast, but his hands weren’t shaking, and he used them to pull Oikawa closer. They kissed again, and Iwaizumi tried to match his breathing to Oikawa’s. He felt good against him, his skin soft and warm, his tongue insistent and his lips wanting. Oikawa broke their kiss to move to his jaw, to kiss and suck at his neck while Iwaizumi ran his hands over any body part he could reach. Oikawa’s mouth made it’s way back up to Iwaizumi’s ear, and a quick nibble at his lobe had his hips twitching upwards. 

Oikawa moaned as their erections bumped against each other, and Iwaizumi immediately reached down to grab his hips “Iwa-” Oikawa’s voice was low and whining by his ear, and it made him hot all over. His breath was picking up now, he could hear himself, and Oikawa pulled back to look at him again. “Do you want to stop?”

Iwaizumi shook his head immediately, but Oikawa kissed the corner of his mouth and he took a deep breath. “Just… I want to be careful.” Oikawa nodded, and slowly brought his hips down to brush against Iwaizumi again. They both held back their moans. They were both hard, straining against their sweatpants, and Iwaizumi could tell Oikawa wanted him, that he was holding back just for him. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

Something flashed in Oikawa’s eyes, but it was gone just as fast. He leaned down and kissed him again before he rolled his hips. Iwaizumi’s lips parted, a small noise slipping past as Oikawa started a pace with him. “You won’t hurt me.” He whispered before sucking on Iwaizumi’s bottom lip. “We’ll stop when you want.” Iwaizumi nodded, and Oikawa smiled. “You feel good.”

Iwaizumi nodded, pulling Oikawa back into a kiss that made them both relax. His heart was still pounding, but he felt good. Oikawa felt good. Iwaizumi trailed his hands down Oikawa’s back, loving the way he arched into it and how his jaw fell open in a moan when Iwaizumi grabbed at his ass. Oikawa pulled back and bit Iwaizumi’s lip before he kissed along his jaw again. Iwaizumi squeezed his hands when Oikawa sucked just beside his ear, and he rolled his hips up when he moaned. 

Iwaizumi turned his head and met Oikawa for another kiss, this one more sloppy, the two of them more focused on rutting against each other. Oikawa’s fingers slid through Iwaizumi’s hair and tugged, just enough to make him focus. “Touch me?” Oikawa asked, breathless. “Please.”

“Yeah, yeah, okay.” He kissed him once before rolling them over. Oikawa’s hair spread across the pillows like a halo, making Iwaizumi stop for just a second to admire him. It goes beyond a second, however, because Oikawa is looking at Iwaizumi, he’s blushing for Iwaizumi. Oikawa is beautiful, and he is Iwaizumi’s. 

“You get forever to look at me, Iwa,” Oikawa said, his cheeks reddening. 

Iwaizumi swallowed as the words sunk in for both of them. “Yeah?”

“Yes.” Oikawa nodded and pulled him in for a kiss. “Now touch me.”

Iwaizumi kissed him slowly while his hand trailed down Oikawa’s stomach and slipped past the band of his pants. Before he could ask, Oikawa nodded, and Iwaizumi slipped his hand under his boxers. Oikawa choked through a moan when Iwaizumi wrapped his hand around his dick. He started stroking him slowly, keeping his eyes on Oikawa’s face, watching his eyelids fall half shut, his lashes flutter. He paid attention to each breath, each moan, the whine that fell past his lips when his thumb brushed over the tip. Iwaizumi kissed him again, breathed with him while Oikawa thrust into his fist. 

He pulled back and twisted his hand. Oikawa gasped and spread his legs. “Tell me what you need.” Iwaizumi said his heart in his throat. 

Oikawa reached down and pushed at his sweatpants, his boxers, and then he was kicking the clothing off and onto the floor. He laid back down and pulled Iwaizumi in for another kiss, and when he pulled back, he was smirking. “More comfortable.” 

Iwaizumi looked down and bit his lip at the sight of his hand on Oikawa’s dick. Of course, it was pretty, just like the rest of him, but he stopped and let it fall against his stomach. Oikawa let out a frustrated noise and pouted when Iwaizumi looked at him. He was starting to feel nervous, just a little, but mostly he was too hard to focus on the way his hands were shaking. “Can I-”

“Yes.”

Iwaizumi smirked and leaned down to kiss him, just a light brush of his lips against Oikawa’s. “Let me finish.” Oikawa pouted but stayed quiet, and Iwaizumi chuckled, thankful for the fact that Oikawa was a brat. It helped him calm down, knowing that even if things were getting heated, Oikawa was still Oikawa, and Iwaizumi could still be himself. “Let me blow you.”

Oikawa was already nodding, and he brought one of his knees up to make room between his legs. “God, please.” 

Iwaizumi pressed another kiss to his lips before he hovered over him again, and he made his way down Oikawa’s body, kissing and nipping at his skin until he got to where he wanted to be. Oikawa had shoved pillows under his head and was eagerly watching from above, and Iwaizumi kept his eyes locked on his as he mouthed at Oikawa’s cock. Oikawa’s lashes fluttered, and he tentatively brought his hand down to Iwaizumi’s head. He thread his fingers through his hair when Iwaizumi licked a thick stripe on the underside of his dick, and he tugged when he wrapped his hand around it, to finally close his mouth around the tip. He let his eyes close as he let his mouth adjust to the size, he hummed as he lowered himself until he felt his eyes prick with tears. Oikawa was breathing heavily above him, his fingers felt good massaging at Iwaizumi’s scalp, and he cried prettily when Iwaizumi pressed his tongue against him. 

It’d been a while since Iwaizumi sucked anyone off, probably at least a year or two, and he knew he was rusty, but Oikawa didn’t seem to care. His legs were twitching, his hips just barely thrusting into Iwaizumi’s mouth, and every time he swallowed around him, Oikawa moaned, high and whiney. “Iwa-Iwa please I need-” His voice trailed off when Iwaizumi rolled his balls in his hand. “I want, Iwa, I want to touch you too. Please- oh god.” Iwaizumi smirked around the cock in his mouth, his tongue flicking against the tip, drinking precome while Oikawa gasped for breath. 

He pulled off and let Oikawa drag him back up to his mouth. He was too busy with Oikawa sucking the taste of himself off his tongue to notice Oikawa slipping his hands into his pants when suddenly his hand was around his own dick. Iwaizumi pulled back and cursed, moaning when Oikawa bit down on his lip and swiped his thumb across the head. Things were heating up, faster than Iwaizumi knew what to do with, and soon enough his pants were gone and Oikawa’s legs were locked around his waist. Oikawa’s hands were at his back, his fingertips digging into his skin, and his hips were rutting with Iwaizumi’s. Their cocks rutting against each other’s stomachs, brushing just against each other every time Iwaizumi rolled his hips. They were barely kissing, mostly breathing against each other, cursing and each time they found a good rhythm. 

Iwaizumi ducked his head and kissed along Oikawa’s jawline, his neck, and Oikawa shuddered as he licked at the sweat forming there, moaned when Iwaizumi nipped at his earlobe. His heart was pounding in his chest, and he was sure Oikawa could feel it against his own. They were moving fast, the room was warm, their bodies impossibly close, and Iwaizumi felt good, Oikawa felt good against him, but he could tell something was off. He could feel it, just thrumming under his skin, the slightest bit of anxiety that he was worried would turn into aggressiveness. And he knew that Oikawa wouldn’t mind something rough, but it was more than that. He pulled back when Oikawa tugged at his hair, and he met honey brown eyes as he pressed his forehead against his. 

“Iwa I don’t wanna come like this-” He whined, his hands sliding down to Imaizumi's ass, making his thrusts stutter. “I want-can you-”

Iwaizumi kissed him then, swallowed his words because he knew what Oikawa was going to say, but he wasn’t ready. He slowed the roll of his hips and Oikawa immediately whimpered, tried to roll his own against him. Iwaizumi broke their kiss and spoke against his lips. “I don’t think- I’m not ready.”

Oikawa let out a breath, but nodded, his fingers started to massage his scalp again. “Okay, okay.” He nodded again, trying to convince himself, Iwaizumi supposed. “Can we still, uh…” He rolled his hips and Iwaizumi let out a groan which made Oikawa smirk. 

“Yeah we can-” Oikawa rolled them over then, and Iwaizumi watched him as he sat back on Iwaizumi’s thighs and ran his hands over his chest. Iwaizumi bit his lip when Oikawa’s fingers brushed over his nipples, and he smiled down at him. “You look good like that, Iwa.”

“Like what?”

Oikawa tilted his head to the side, his lashes lowering, his eyes shutting halfway. He looked sinful as he smirked down at Iwaizumi. “Under me. Like you’re mine.”

A shudder ran down Iwaizumi’s spine, and Oikawa’s smirk grew. “I am yours.”

It was Oikawa’s turn to shudder, his hips rolling against Iwaizumi’s again, and he reached out to slide his hands up Oikawa’s thighs, squeezing when Oikawa gripped both of their cocks in his hand. “Get the lube. Bedside drawer.” Iwaizumi raised his brow at him before he reached over to grab it. “Yes, it was like the third thing I moved in here, shut up.”

Iwaizumi laughed and handed it to him, watched as he drizzled some directly onto their cocks before working them together. They both let out groans, and Iwaizumi’s hands dug back into Oikawa’s thighs. He was torn between watching their cocks and Oikawa’s pretty fingers around them or Oikawa’s face. He settled for watching Oikawa and the rise and fall of his chest, the pert, pink nipples that he occasionally brought a hand up to tweak, just to watch Oikawa’s back arch, to hear him whimper. He watched his mouth start to fall open and his breath start to quicken as his hand faltered. Iwaizumi watched as his eyes locked with his own as they came together, Oikawa’s eyes falling shut halfway through as he fell back over Iwaizumi, his hand barely catching himself. 

He stayed like that, half bent over Iwaizumi, as they fought to catch their breaths, before giving up with a pout and letting Iwaizumi pull him against his body. “Gross,” he grumbled against Iwaizumi’s neck, as their come squished together between them. 

Iwaizumi chuckled but didn’t let him go just yet. His heart was still racing, and he was exhausted. Oikawa felt good against him and he wasn’t ready to let him go until he was sure he could breathe right again. He closed his eyes and let his fingers trail along Oikawa’s spine. He breathed, in and out, deep breaths that were supposed to calm him, but they started to make him feel worse the longer he lay there. He could feel Oikawa pressing kisses against his skin, but they were muted. His skin was still itching with something. “We’ll shower.” He settled on, and let Oikawa sit up and roll off of him.  


As Oikawa pulled him up and out of bed to lead him to the shower, Iwaizumi was thankful he didn’t seem to notice his hands were shaking.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No, I didn't forget about Makki and Matsukawa...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little bit of a shorter chapter just to tide you over. The next one is fairly long and I'm just doing some final touches! Thank you for all the comments, they get me excited to write :)

Iwaizumi was busying himself with sanitizing the weights, his mind not really focused on what he was doing. He enjoyed the menial tasks of cleaning up for closing the gym, they helped him unwind after a long day of work and he got the place mostly to himself. Hinata was finishing up paperwork at the front desk and he always played music when they locked up together. It was nice, relaxing, and he liked his taste in music. 

His phone started ringing just as he finished up wiping the rest of the machines down and adjusting the seats. He immediately winced as the name came up on the screen. “Hey-”

“You got a boyfriend and didn’t tell me?” Matsukawa’s voice was loud, and maybe a little upset, and Iwaizumi had no response other than a weak apology. “You’re coming over tonight and telling us everything.”

“I uh-I kind of have plans with Oikawa-”

“Oh, perfect. Bring your boytoy too.”

Iwaizumi sighed and went to throw away the now dirty paper towels. “You guys are going to interrogate him.”

Matsukawa laughed darkly. Iwaizumi could picture his thick brows rising up on his forehead, and Iwaizumi knew he wasn’t getting out of this. “You can bring beer and I’ll try my best to reign in Makki.”

“Deal.”

“Why are you so nervous Iwa-chan?” Oikawa bumped his shoulder against his and leaned a little closer. They were walking to Makki and Matsukawa’s place and Iwaizumi had kept to himself, mostly because he was trying not to voice his anxiety over this. It wasn’t that he didn’t want Oikawa to meet his friends, he was just worried that they would make Oikawa uncomfortable. Because as much as he loved the duo, they were a lot to handle. 

Iwaizumi realized he hadn’t answered Oikawa, and he shook his head. “Sorry, I’m-I’m not really nervous. Just kind of...wary.”

“Wary?” He felt Oikawa link their hands together, and he slightly relaxed when he felt Oikawa’s thumb start to rub his hand. “They can’t be that bad.”

“You’d be surprised.” He muttered, and when he looked over, Oikawa was frowning at him. He was really cute when he was confused, and Iwaizumi had to look away before he felt the urge to kiss him. “They aren’t bad. They’re just… eccentric. They’re not like Daichi or Suga.”

“Well, no, not everyone can be perfect angels in love.” They both chuckled at that. “I’m sure I can handle them, Iwa-chan. Don’t worry about me.”

Oikawa was right, of course, he was. He and Makki hit it off, because apparently, Oikawa had always wanted pink hair and Makki was all too eager to tell him that he could pull it off and he would even give Oikawa a discount if he came into his salon. Iwaizumi couldn’t help but feel a bit of fondness at the sight of the two of them talking, and he really couldn’t help the smile on his face when Oikawa laughed so hard he snorted. 

Iwaizumi had followed him in here to help grab some plates of pizza for them, and he hadn’t realized he was watching Oikawa and Makki until he was called out. 

“Oh my god, you are so gone on him.” Iwaizumi looked over at Matsukawa who was smirking at him as he took a drink from his beer. 

Iwaizumi felt his face flush with heat, and he flipped his friend off. “Shut the fuck up.”

“Aw, don’t be mean. I made the pizza extra cheesy just for you.” Matsukawa laughed and started placing slices onto four separate plates. Iwaizumi would have flipped him off again if it weren’t for the fact that Matsukawa would probably withhold the pizza from him. It was homemade, and no matter how hard Iwaizumi tried to replicate it, Matsukawa’s was always better. “It’s nice, you know.” Iwaizumi raised a brow at him, and Matsukawa shrugged. “Seeing you happy. Looks good on you.”

Iwaizumi looked back over and through the kitchen to Oikawa, who caught the end of his gaze and smiled before smacking Makki’s hand away from his hair. He turned back and ignored Matsukawa’s pointed look. “Thanks.”

Matsukawa smirked to himself and went to put the pizza cutter in the sink. “Gonna assume you’re doing okay despite everything else?” Iwaizumi sighed because he knew his friends meant well, but he didn’t want to talk about himself all the time. “Don’t give me that. We haven’t talked in a while.”

“You text me every other day,” Iwaizumi quipped. 

“That doesn’t count.”

Iwaizumi knew that too. And with Matsukawa, he knew he wouldn’t have to go into too much detail, not like he had to with Daichi. Matsukawa and, by extension Makki, knew about Iwaizumi’s IED, but they didn’t quite know the extent of it. They knew he got anxious a lot, and they knew his boundaries with his anger, but they’d never been caught in an episode. Iwaizumi was thankful for that. “I’m good. Really.”

Matsukawa took his answer as the truth, and Iwaizumi felt himself relax when he smiled. “Good. Now, come on. It’s best when it’s just out of the oven.”

Iwaizumi took the other two plates not grabbed and followed him back into their living room. They all piled on the floor, and when Iwaizumi sat beside Oikawa, he flushed at the smile Oikawa gave him as he snuggled closer. They watched a movie that was really only funny because it was so stupid, and he felt himself relaxing as he ate his fill. Oikawa complimented Matsukawa’s cooking skills and gave his olives to Makki who looked like he was given gold instead. Iwaizumi felt himself a smile when Oikawa leaned his head on his shoulder halfway through the movie, and he threaded his fingers through his. He was content, with Oikawa leaning against him and his friends laughing on the other side of him, he was happy.

**Oikawa**

They ended up back in Iwaizumi’s room. Daichi was going over to Suga’s, and Oikawa essentially invited himself over, not that Iwaizumi cared. Not when he was kissing Oikawa like it was the easiest thing in the world. He smiled against his lips, and Iwaizumi smiled back at him. He had his hands on Oikawa’s hips, gently resting there, holding him close while Oikawa was on his lap, his arms wrapped around Iwaizumi’s neck, gently massaging at his scalp just to watch his lashes flutter. Iwaizumi was handsome, but his eyes were pretty, his lashes dark and thick, and Oikawa pressed a kiss to each eyelid just because he could. 

“I had fun today,” Oikawa mumbled as he pulled away. He pressed his forehead against his, loving the way Iwaizumi’s hands squeezed his hips every once in a while as if reminding himself Oikawa was still there. “I like your friends.”

Iwaizumi didn’t open his eyes, but he hummed and gave him a small smile. Oikawa had picked up on the limits of Iwaizumi’s social interactions. After a few hours, he would get a little tired, maybe a little grumpier, but the biggest tell was that he got very touchy. Oikawa felt a little guilty for finding it adorable because he knew it wasn’t a normal tired, he was exhausted and drained. But Oikawa couldn’t do much about it other than hold him a little closer and let him relax against him. It was a nice feeling, knowing Iwaizumi felt comfortable with him, maybe even safe with him. 

“Wanna go to bed?”

Iwaizumi looked up and nodded. “Tired.”

Oikawa pressed another kiss to his lips before pulling back to smooth out the furrow in his brows. Iwaizumi blushed, and Oikawa smiled softly at him before he got up from his lap. He laughed when Iwaizumi practically fell back onto his bed and mushed his face into his pillow. 

“You’re going to sleep in jeans?” Iwaizumi grunted into his pillow and Oikawa sighed before he helped him tug them off. “Cute boxers.”

“Shut up.” Iwaizumi chuckled, peeking up at Oikawa. He was really cute, Oikawa squealed to himself in his head. His hair was a bit of a mess, from the pillow and Oikawa’s fingers running through them, and he was blushing, his eyes not meeting Oikawa’s as he asked, “Wanna stay?”

Oikawa nodded, knowing to keep a teasing comment to himself because he could tell Iwaizumi was nervous to ask. It was a little funny, however, because Oikawa had been staying the night with him fairly often, or Iwaziumi would stay at his place. He liked sleeping next to Iwaizumi, especially when he pulled him closer and got to bury his face in his chest. Iwaizumi smelled good, he always did, something warm and fresh, with an underlying hint of leather, maybe some cheap cologne that made him smile. He also really loved the way Iwaizumi would press kisses to the top of his head, or how his fingers would play with the curls at the back of Oikawa’s neck. He slept easily with Iwaizumi, in the comfort of his arms, to the sound of his steady heartbeat and deep breaths. He realized that night that he might be falling in love. This time, it didn’t scare him, his heart didn’t beat any faster. Oikawa snuggled closer, smiled when Iwaizumi hugged him a little tighter and realized this felt like home. 

_“Hey, Iwa-chan.”_

_Iwaizumi turned his head towards Oikawa’s sleeping bag and squinted, though he couldn’t see much with how little light there was in their tent. “What?”_

_“I can’t sleep.”_

_“Try harder.” He mumbled, finally making out the outline of Oikawa’s face, the downturn of his lips._

_“Iwa-chan…” He was whispering, almost too softly, and Iwaizumi frowned at the way his voice shook. “I’m scared.”_

_Iwaizumi watched him for a moment, but he sighed when he saw Oikawa wipe at his eyes, his nose. He always got a runny nose when he cried. “You’ll get sick if you keep crying. Come here.” Oikawa sniffled and scooted closer until their knees were touching. The light in between them showed the tears glistening on Oikawa’s lashes, the redness of his eyes and nose. “Why are you scared?”_

_Oikawa shrugged and wiped his face again. “What if a bear gets us?”_

_“Bears only attack if their babies are in danger.” Iwaizumi huffed and reached out to wipe Oikawa’s nose with his sleeve. His mom did it for him all the time, and Iwaizumi didn’t want Oikawa to get sick. “We’re not hurting their babies. We’re on the porch.”_

_Oikawa nodded, burrowing down in his pillows. “Yeah, you’re right Iwa-chan.” Iwaizumi nodded, satisfied that he’d fixed the problem, and rolled over onto his back. He closed his eyes and tried to sleep again, but he a few minutes later he heard Oikawa shift a little closer. “Iwa-chan?”_

_He pretended to be asleep because sometimes he had to do that or Oikawa would talk all night and their parents would get mad at them for being up late. Oikawa moved closer, and Iwaizumi sighed softly when he felt Oikawa’s head land on his pillow. This wasn’t new either, but Iwaizumi opened his eyes this time and looked over at his friend. Oikawa’s eyes were closed now, his lashes still a little wet, his lips slightly parted. Iwaizumi felt that weird feeling in his chest again, watching Oikawa sleep next to him. He swallowed, embarrassed at how loud it sounded in the quiet night air, and tilted his head a little closer, until Oikawa’s hair was tickling his cheek._

_“If a bear comes, I’ll protect you.” He whispered. Iwaizumi closed his eyes and tried to match his breathing to Oikawa’s._

**Iwaizumi**

Daichi was pacing in front of Iwaizumi’s door when he woke up, and he watched the shadow of his friend's feet moving for a good few minutes before he sighed and gave in. “Come in before you wear a hole on the floor.”

The shadow stopped moving and the door opened to Daichi’s nervous smile and wide eyes. “I’m freaking out.”

“You’re a fucking idiot, you know that?” He sat up and patted the end of his bed. Daichi immediately came into the room and plopped on the bed, though he kept bouncing his leg nervously. “There’s no reason to be nervous. Suga’s going to say yes.”

Daichi ran a hand down his face and chuckled, the sound was a mix of nervousness and excitement. “It’s stupid because I know he will, right?” He pulled his hand away and then stared at his fingers. “But I just love him so much that I want everything to be perfect. I want him to always remember today and I want him to surprised and-”

“Daichi.” Iwaizumi cut him off. He’d only ever seen Daichi like this once, and it was when he was about to ask Suga to be his boyfriend. It was stupid and ridiculously sappy that every one of Daichi’s big moments revolved around Suga, and yet he still had doubts about things. Suga would say yes, there was not even a sliver of doubt in Iwaizumi’s mind about that, and the two of them would be happy, just like they always were. “You ordered like twelve dozen roses and a fucking band, it’ll be perfect.” Daichi’s ears were red now, and Iwaizumi wanted to laugh, but he didn’t. Because Daichi was always there when Iwaizumi needed him, so he held back his snark and settled on facts. “Suga would say yes to you if you asked him to marry you anytime, anywhere. And it’s all going to be special because you’re special to him. And you two… you two are one of the few things I can count on to be true.”

Daichi looked over at him, his eyes wet with tears that normally Iwaizumi would tease him for because Daichi’s a sap. He’s a giant, cuddly, sap who loves his friends and family more than anything in the world, and he really, really loves Suga. Iwaizumi wasn’t lying. He has doubts about many things. Before the medication helped, he was constantly worried about everything and he was terrified of hurting people which caused him to draw back from people. Daichi never let him, and when Suga came along he backed Daichi up. The two of them were the most constant things in Iwaizumi’s life and he never once doubted that the two of them would be together forever. Because he could joke about them being disgusting and sickeningly cute, but the reality of it was that Daichi and Suga were the reason Iwaizumi was positive people had soulmates, and that as cheesy as it sounded, love was real. It gave him the slightest bit of hope on days where he felt more alone than anything, that maybe one day he’d find someone to love him like that. It wasn’t something he sought out, or something he really thought about too much, but it was some sort of hope that he held in a deep part of himself. 

Oikawa brought it all to the surface, with his laugh, the way he smiled, how he looked with his glasses perched on his nose while he read, and in the way he kissed Iwaizumi. That strange little feeling of hope crawled from his stomach up into his chest and was beating at the door of his heart every time Oikawa looked over at him and reached for his hand. He was beautiful, his hair, his smile, his skin that tinged pink so easily, and his eyes that felt like coming home to a warm cup of coffee on a fall day. They always reminded him of his childhood, of summer nights and frog chasing with him, of sharing snacks a school and holding hands when they ran off into the woods for the day. It was a strange feeling of simplicity, of days when he didn't get anxious about everything when he wasn't scared to get close to people. Oikawa made him feel safe, he made him feel warm all the way down to his toes. 

He looked over at Daichi and saw him smiling to himself, probably thinking the same way about Suga. Iwaizumi got out of bed and ruffled his friend’s stupid bed head before he tugged at his shirt. “Come on, idiot. I’ll make breakfast today.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for quick reference to past suicidal thoughts. 
> 
> Sorry this chapter is so late. Holidays snuck up on me and I really just needed a little mental health break. I have the next chapter written, and I will try to get it out sooner rather than later! I hope you all like this <3 I really love Iwaizumi.
> 
> Also... I might go back and delete the POV change indicators and change them to a symbol or something? Or take them out completely.

**Iwaizumi**

Daichi was out for the day, trying to get everything ready so he could propose to Suga this weekend, so Iwaizumi was working some extra hours. He didn’t mind, considering he loved his job, and Kiyoko was fun to work with. They talked about nothing important until Oikawa came up. 

“So, you’ve been seeing a client?” Iwaizumi blushed and Kiyoko laughed at him. “You know we can see when you tug him into the locker room right? And Hinata and I are smart enough to figure out you aren’t just doing extra workouts.”

“God, I’m sorry.” Iwaizumi covers his face with his hands while Kiyoko laughed again. She hip-checked him and he peered over at her. “That obvious?”

She nodded and he sighed as he dropped his hands. “He seems special.” Iwaizumi bit down on his bottom lip and nodded to himself. “Guess it’s a good thing I didn’t ask you out the other day.” He turned to look at her and noticed the small smirk on her face. He knew she had some sort of crush on her, he wasn’t completely dense, but he figured it was just a friend thing or at least just on the basis of attraction. Iwaizumi knew he was kind of fucked up but he wasn’t ugly. “You seem happier. He’s good for you.”

Iwaizumi matched her small smile and turned away to lean back on the front desk. He waved to one of the last gym members leaving and then sighed again. “I like him. A lot.”

“That’s a good thing when you’re dating someone.”

“Shut up.” He rolled his eyes at her sass, and she giggled beside him. “It’s just been a while and… I guess I’m just in a constant worry I’ll fuck things up.”

She hummed in acknowledgment before poking his arm, and Iwaizumi met her eyes. Kiyoko was very beautiful, but what he appreciated most about her is that she was very honest, even to the point of being blunt. She was a great coworker and an excellent person, someone he didn’t mind spending long hours with. He trusted her and her judgment. “The best and only thing that you can do is be honest with him always.” Her voice was quiet, as always, but strong and sure. “I know I don’t know everything about you, Iwaizumi-san, but I know you struggle with things that most of us don’t.” Iwaizumi bit his cheek at that. The staff knew the basics of why he had to take sudden breaks, but they didn’t know all that Daichi did. “Just...try not to write yourself off so easily. I think that if Oikawa-san wanted to be gone by now, he would.”

Iwaizumi nodded and watched her leave to go start closing duties. He thought to himself the rest of the night and by the time he was home, he was already calling Oikawa. 

Oikawa met him for dinner at one of the ramen shops by his apartment. He let Oikawa chat about his day, how he did some consulting work and even talked to Ushijima about sending more of his stuff over. Iwaizumi learned that Oikawa and Ushijima were still on good terms and that they were even invited to one of his games if they were ever interested. He wasn’t jealous, and he asked Oikawa if he should be after he stared at him for a long time after Oikawa mentioned Ushijima. Oikawa had laughed at that and told Iwaizumi not to be so perfect, and Iwaizumi accepted the compliment even though he wasn’t trying to be anything but honest. 

The truth was simply that he trusted Oikawa. Things were good between them, so good in fact that Iwaizumi was starting to second guess everything. He’d been questioning things for the past few days, or rather, he was questioning himself. He’d been making sure he was taking his medication every day, at the same hour, and he even bought one of those silly weekly pill containers to be sure he didn’t miss a day. Truthfully he should have been doing that since day one, but it served as a blatant reminder that he needed to take medication in the first place. He took psychology courses in college, he knew taking medication for mental health didn’t mean he was any crazier than the rest of the world, but sometimes he just wanted to wake up and not think about it. He liked waking up with Oikawa in his arms and whenever he had to move to take his medication, he was reminded once again that he could fuck things up with the angel in his bed. 

They’d gone back to Iwaizumi’s after dinner and were currently doing just that, laying in his bed while they talked softly. The ending credits of their movie was playing in the background and Oikawa was fiddling with Iwaizumi’s fingers. Iwaizumi could tell he was tired, but they weren’t ready for sleep yet. Iwaizumi watched Oikawa’s lashes brush his sharp cheekbones when he blinked, how his eyes crinkled when he laughed at something stupid Iwaizumi said. Oikawa liked cheesy sci-fi flicks and Iwaizumi liked to rate them out of ten afterward. Oikawa never agreed with his rating but he entertained Iwaizumi’s ideas about how to make a better movie. 

“Iwa-chan you’d make horrible movies.”

He smiled at Oikawa and brought his hands up to his lips so he could kiss Oikawa’s fingertips. “You’d still watch them.”

Oikawa blushed and proceeded to try and poke Iwaizumi’s nose and cheeks. Iwaizumi ended up poking him back which resulted in a tickle fight that had Oikawa gasping for breath underneath Iwaizumi. He kissed him then, smiling against Oikawa’s lips when he whined, “Not fair, Iwa-chan.” before kissing him back. Kissing Oikawa was one of his new favorite things, and he loved that they could kiss just like this without the need for anything more. Oikawa’s lips were soft, the small noises leaving his mouth were quiet and sweet, making Iwaizumi want to dive in and taste him more. 

He pulled away, eventually, though he would kiss Oikawa all day if he could. Oikawa’s cheeks were flushed and his eyes were just a little darker, though mostly tired and heavy. Iwaizumi laid on his back and pulled Oikawa to him so his head was on Iwaizumi’s chest. He wrapped his arms around him and turned his head so he could bury his face in Oikawa’s soft hair and breathe in his shampoo. They stayed like that until they were calm enough, almost on the verge of sleep, but Iwaizumi looked at his bedside and saw the pillbox and he gripped Oikawa a little tighter. 

“Oikawa?” Oikawa hummed and tilted his face towards Iwaizumi. “Can I tell you something?”

“Of course.” Oikawa’s voice was soft, but Iwaizumi could tell he was awake. He felt his arms squeeze Iwaizumi a little tighter. 

“I might, uh, I might talk a lot so just...can you just listen for a bit until I’m done?” Oikawa moved to sit up but Iwaizumi held him tighter. “And-and can you stay there? It might be easier if you’re not looking at me.”

Oikawa settled back down but he gripped Iwaizumi tighter. “Are you okay?” He mumbled into Iwaizumi’s t-shirt.

Iwaizumi nodded and rubbed Oikawa’s back a little, trying to settle him. He’d already made Oikawa anxious. “Yeah, sorry, I just...I know we talked about um, you know me and my shit but-” he sighed and started to play with one of the loose threads on the t-shirt Oikawa was wearing. “I guess sometimes I just want-I don’t know how to-”

“Iwa?” Iwaizumi let Oikawa sit up this time and he realized he had closed his eyes only because Oikawa was kissing his eyelids. When he opened his eyes Oikawa was smiling at him, something soft and gentle, and he brushed his fingers along the side of Iwaizumi’s face, his thumb brushed over Iwaizumi’s bottom lip. “Whatever you want to talk about, I’ll listen.” Iwaizumi met honey brown eyes and felt himself start to relax, if only a little. 

Iwaizumi locked onto Oikawa’s eyes and let himself fall into whatever state of comfort he could. Eventually, Oikawa laid back down beside him and Iwaizumi’s breathing evened out enough that he could relax and figure out what the hell he wanted to say. 

**Oikawa**

“I used to think I was crazy.” Oikawa frowned and reached out to grab Iwaizumi’s hand. Iwaizumi’s voice was quiet, still low and deeper than Oikawa’s ever would be but almost soft now as he stared at their hands and spoke. “When I was younger, you know? I got angry so easily, over stupid things, and I knew they were stupid but I couldn’t stop myself anyway. It was over little things like losing my keys. I’d yell at my mom and tear the house apart trying to find them and then they’d be in my pocket anyway.” He shook his head. “And it wasn’t just once in a blue moon, it’d happen so often that my mom was scared of me for a while. I was so angry that I didn’t care, and then one day I-” he tried to pull his hand away but Oikawa held him tighter. “I told her I-that I hated her, that I hated dad.”

Oikawa didn’t want to interrupt him, but he couldn’t stop himself from reaching out and brushing a tear from his cheek. Iwaizumi continued. “I ran away for two days after that, and they almost had to call the cops. I was at the park when they found me and they took me right to the hospital. I yelled at them too. Hit a nurse, maybe, I don’t know I was...I mean I was probably fifteen. It took almost five years to really figure out what was going on with me. I was on a lot of medication up until then, trying different things and treatments until they figured it out. By then I was exhausted, tired of everything and all the questions and poking and prodding. I was close to just...” He sighed and Oikawa watched the way he shrunk in on himself. He hated it. His heart broke when Iwaizumi looked up at him, his eyes were incredibly tired and full of tears, and Oikawa knew he was crying too. “I didn’t actually try... I uh, I just wanted to. A few times.”

Iwaizumi gripped Oikawa’s hand and then looked away again. “Daichi helped, you know, with all that. Having someone give a shit about you, who wasn’t morally obligated to like my parents were, it meant a lot, I guess. Suga came along later and things got better. I just… I still wasn’t okay. I mean I don’t know that I’ll ever be okay, cause there’s not a cure-all to this shit, but-” he shook his head and seemed to regain a little composure. “I’m not-I don't get... violent every time. Sometimes I just can't control myself, my anger. If I get too anxious or stressed then it just boils up to a point where I can't stop myself. I say stupid shit I don't even really mean and I do shit I never want to do or think of doing. I-I know I've hurt people. Hurt you."

“You didn’t mean to.”

Iwaizumi gave him a weak smile and brought his hand up to kiss Oikawa’s knuckles before he set their hands back down on the bed. “Doesn’t mean it didn’t happen. Logically, I know that I didn’t mean to, that I never want to. I know that I don’t want to hurt anyone, especially not people I lo-care about.” He cleared his throat. “But it doesn't change the fact that I did. And I can never promise anyone that I won't do it in the future." Iwaizumi’s voice is more solid now, though he still won’t meet Oikawa’s eyes. "And-and the meds and Ennoshita help, you know? I could be worse. I knew people in the group sessions I had to do and they-I mean some of them had it way worse, Oikawa. So I know I'm lucky. I have help and I have Daichi, who knows my triggers and he can-he can take a punch or an elbow if it happens. But I can't expect him to be around forever."

Oikawa wasn’t sure what to say, because he knew that what Iwaizumi was saying was true. He knew that when he got into this relationship with Iwaizumi. His disorder wasn’t pretty, it wasn’t easy to understand and impossible to completely fix. He couldn’t replace Daichi and he would never try to replace medication or therapy. 

"But I can do better." Oikawa looked up from their hands and met Iwaizumi’s gaze. His tears were gone now, his eyes clear and sure. He squeezed Oikawa’s hand and leaned in closer. "I want to do better than I have been. I know I can. I don't want to hurt anyone and I-I can’t hurt you ever again Oikawa. In any way. I can’t.”

Oikawa moved closer and kissed Iwaizumi with as much feeling he could muster. Iwaizumi’s hands were shaking as he cupped Oikawa’s jaw and drew him closer, their lips seared together and their hands clinging to anything they could reach. Oikawa broke away first, and pressed his forehead to Iwaizumi’s. He knew Iwaizumi couldn’t promise anything, but he could. “I’ll be whatever you need me to be, Iwa.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for being patient with me. Enjoy the smut :)
> 
> Also, I decided I hate this title and changed it to just "Honey"

Oikawa wasn’t supposed to know that Daichi was going to propose to Suga today, but Iwaizumi had accidentally let it slip one day when Oikawa joked that Suga and Daichi should just get married already. Daichi figured it out and instead of getting mad, he decided to use Oikawa as a ploy in his idea. Last night he had Oikawa get him out of his apartment, so Oikawa invited Suga out for drinks and then they ended the night watching a movie at his new place. When Suga got back the next morning, he sent Oikawa about ten text messages screaming about how cute Daichi was. Apparently, he’d left him a love letter under his pillow, in the coffee cabinet, on the mirror in the bathroom, on the tv, and the last one on a present that sat on the dining room table. 

Suga had face timed him crying. “Tooru, I love this man so much.”

Oikawa smiled, partly because it was nice seeing Suga look a little ugly for once, it made him look human. “He is a good man.” And he wasn’t lying. Daichi was a very good, dependable and loving partner, and Oikawa couldn’t have been happier when he knew that he was going to propose. “But show me what he got you!”

Suga set the phone back against something and held up a sweater and a new scarf, one that, thanks to Oikawa’s intel, Daichi knew Suga had been eyeing. Suga had a bit of an obsession with scarves, but this one was expensive and little fancier than anything he already had. “It’s that scarf I’ve been wanting! And he said we’re going out to dinner tonight. I’m supposed to meet him at this new restaurant. He always goes all out for our yearly anniversaries, but Tooru-” He grabbed the phone and flopped down onto the bed. Oikawa laughed when he squealed into a pillow. “The letters he wrote me...You know, he did that on my birthday too, but these ones… Tooru what if he- you know?” His face was bright red and his soft eyes were bigger than usual.

Oikawa put on his best actor’s face. “What?”

Suga was chewing on his lip now, his cheeks bright red and adorable. “What if he asks _the question_?” Oikawa tried to keep a straight face, or at least something that didn’t give everything away. “I’m probably overthinking it,” he laughed nervously, “I mean, we’re still young and it’s a really big step. We’ve talked about it, but you know. Finances and-and as I said, it’s a big step. Really big. Like the biggest.” He trailed off and Oikawa watched him, watched the way his cheeks kept getting more red, and how a smile crept onto his face. “But I’d say yes.” His voice was so quiet Oikawa thought he may have just been saying it to himself. But Suga looked at Oikawa and smiled, beautiful and bright, and Oikawa smiled back. “Wish me luck?”

Oikawa nodded and did just that before the two of them stayed on the phone until Suga had to go to work. Oikawa immediately texted Iwaizumi and asked if he could come over, to which he got a quick reply. He smiled and headed out of his tiny apartment to head to the store and then Iwaizumi’s. He liked his apartment, as much as one could like a month-to-month leased place, but it was his first place to himself. He had a roommate in college and then he lived with Ushijima, which wasn’t awful, but now he could do whatever he wanted when he wanted without caring about anyone else’s personal space. Oikawa knew he would get tired of it soon, he was a social creature, but now that he was in Osaka, he had Suga and Daichi and even Makki to hang out with; and of course, there was Iwaizumi. 

He smiled at the thought of Iwaizumi, which made him feel a little stupid, maybe a little crazy too, to be falling so fast, but mostly Oikawa was happy. A relationship wasn’t something that he needed, Iwaizumi wasn’t someone he needed to survive. He could live without him, he _did_ live without him, and Iwaizumi lived without Oikawa, which was part of the reason Oikawa felt so genuinely good when he was with him. It was easy, it wasn’t always, but it was easy now. 

It took a while to break through Iwaizumi’s nervous shell, the one that held him back from touching Oikawa whenever he wanted, but when it finally broke, Iwaizumi was more relaxed. They’ve spent days simply laying on the couch together, with Iwaizumi’s head in Oikawa’s lap or the other way around. Iwaizumi liked to stay at home and Oikawa didn’t mind. He went out with Suga and would go home to either call Iwaizumi or beg him to come over. They held hands, Iwaizumi played with Oikawa’s hair and his fingers, he kissed his cheeks and ran his hands over his back and legs. Iwaizumi teased him more now, told him to shut up even when he didn’t mean it. He listened to Oikawa rant about trying to find a job and hating his degree choice. Sometimes they went on runs together that would end up with them touching each other between kisses in the shower. Iwaizumi laughed a lot too. He mostly laughed at Oikawa, but he didn’t mind it, because when Iwaizumi laughed his nose scrunched and he’d throw his head back, his entire body moving as he did so. Oikawa loved it, and he’d happily make a fool of himself if it meant he would get to see Iwaizumi laugh like that. 

It was a total difference from when they first met again. They were both scared, terrified of hurting each other, and he wanted to laugh at the idea of them not talking about things sooner. Because though it wasn’t an easy fix, he knew Iwaizumi was still holding back and that they had a long ways to go, Oikawa was willing to stick it out with him. He wanted to hold his hand a little tighter when he got anxious, he wanted to kiss him whenever he got worried Oikawa was upset with him, and he wanted to wake up to him and stay wrapped in his arms until he fell asleep from social exhaustion. Oikawa wanted to be there for Iwaizumi. He wanted Iwaizumi to get better, of course he did, but it was a long process that Iwaizumi had been working on and Oikawa wasn’t stupid enough to think loving him was going to fix anything. 

He stopped in his tracks just outside of Iwaizumi’s apartment building. He loved him? Oikawa looked down at his hand and the bag filled with snacks and drinks Iwaizumi didn’t ask for. He hadn’t really thought about it, but Oikawa knew Iwaizumi got hungry at the odd hour between lunch and dinner. He felt kind of stupid, kind of giddy, because holy shit he loved Iwaizumi. 

A rush of affection for the man ran through his body and his legs carried him up the four flights of stairs to Iwaizumi’s door. He knocked three times and smiled at the sight of Iwaizumi, brows furrowed and lips pouting, grumpy and tired because he had morning training sessions, but Oikawa didn’t care. He stepped inside and set the bag down before wrapping his arms around Iwaizumi and kissing him soundly on the mouth. Iwaizumi made a surprised noise against his lips but easily melted against him. Oikawa’s body was still tingling, and he shuddered when Iwaizumi swiped his tongue against his lips and walked Oikawa backward until his back was pressed against the door. Oikawa shivered when his hand slid up and under his shirt, just to tease him with a light brush of fingers at his hip bones. 

Iwaizumi pulled back and Oikawa smiled. “Not that I don’t like being greeted like that but what’s gotten into you?”

Oikawa chuckled and ran his fingers through Iwaizumi’s hair, down his jawline and neck, and then back again, watching Iwaizumi’s lashes flutter against his tan cheekbones. _‘I just realized I’m in love with you.’_ “Missed you, I guess,” he said before leaning in to kiss him again. He mumbled against his lips. “A lot.”

Iwaizumi made a small noise against Oikawa’s lips before kissing him back. Oikawa trailed his hands down his back and nipped at Iwaizumi’s bottom lip just because he could. One of Iwaizumi’s hands trailed up his chest until it cupped the side of Oikawa’s face, his thumb lightly rubbing against his cheekbone until Oikawa pulled him closer, and then his hand was moving down and a steady press of his thumb at Oikawa’s chin had his mouth falling open. Iwaizumi smirked before he tilted his head at just the right angle to sweep his tongue past Oikawa’s lips to slide against his own. He moaned and Iwaizumi swallowed it eagerly. This wasn’t really the plan, but Oikawa couldn’t help but turn to putty in his hands. 

His back arched off the door when a thigh was suddenly slotted between his own leg and pressed up against his erection. “Iwa,” he gasped, opening his eyes only for a moment before Iwaizumi turned Oikawa’s head with his hand and kissed at his jaw and down his neck. His hands gripped the back of Iwaizumi’s shirt and he couldn’t help but thrust against his muscled thigh. Iwaizumi’s lips were slow-moving, and Oikawa could tell he’d have a mark or two there tomorrow. He didn’t mind if it meant Iwaizumi wouldn't stop touching him. “Iwa-”

“Hajime.” Oikawa stilled and looked down at Iwaizumi who was pulling away from his neck. He leaned in and kissed Oikawa, his lips brushing against his when he said, “Call me Hajime when we-”

Oikawa cut him off with another kiss, this one deep and hopefully portraying everything he was feeling in the moment. Something warm and strong, something that made his bones ache and his heart want to leap to his throat. “Hajime,” he whispered, repeating it when Iwaizumi shuddered and tightened his hold on Oikawa’s hips, his jaw, and he kissed him again, this time pushing himself off the door. “Take me to bed, Hajime.”

Iwaizumi hesitated, only for a moment, before he nodded. What Oikawa didn’t expect was to suddenly be picked up bridal style and carried into Iwaizumi’s bedroom. He squawked and smacked Iwaizumi’s chest when he laughed at him, and then he was practically plopped onto the bed. His snarky comment was cut off when Iwaizumi slipped off his shirt and smirked down at him. He resorted to a whine instead. “So mean, Iwa-chan.”

Iwaizumi’s smirk never left his face, and Oikawa bit down on his lip as he watched him undress, pushing his sweatpants down before staring at Oikawa expectantly. He kept his eyes on Iwaizumi as he stripped his own clothes off, smirking at the look on Iwaizumi’s face when he slipped down his boxers too. Oikawa noted the way Iwaizumi wiped his hands on his own boxers before he slipped those off too, and he knew he was getting anxious. They’d talked about it, and it was the main reason they hadn’t had sex yet, but Oikawa trusted Iwaizumi, even if he didn’t trust himself. He’d even gone to one of Iwaizumi’s sessions with Ennoshita, where he came in during the last ten minutes and they discussed this very thing. Iwaizumi was embarrassed and beyond anxious, but Oikawa assured him things would be okay and that they could stop anytime. 

He watched as Iwaizumi kissed up his stomach and chest, and smiled when they were eye level, Iwaizumi’s body pressed against his. “Hi.”

Iwaizumi took a deep breath and pressed their foreheads together. “Hey.”

Oikawa ran his fingers down the side of his face and watched as his lashes fluttered. “Have I ever told you you’re beautiful? Cause you are.”

The corner of Iwaizumi’s mouth tilted up at that, and he brushed his nose against Oikawa’s. “Have you seen yourself?”

Oikawa blushed and kissed him before he said something stupid. He didn’t want to say the three words just yet, if only because Iwaizumi was nervous as it was and he didn’t want to ruin anything with more emotions. They didn’t have to have sex now, Oikawa reminded him as they kissed. They could wait and it’d be perfect all the same, but Iwaizumi shook his head and kissed him a little harder, the air between them changing into something even hotter, more intense, when he pulled back and met his eyes. “I want you.”

Oikawa pulled him down harder then, kissing him and running his hands everywhere he could. Iwaizumi pressed more of his weight down and they both groaned as their cocks slid against each other. He wrapped one of his legs around Iwaizumi’s hip and rolled his hips up. They swallowed each other’s moans until it wasn’t enough just to rock against each other. “Iwa- please. Touch me, Hajime.” 

Iwaizumi nodded, understanding, and pulled back to root in his dresser until he came up with lube and a condom. “Do you want to-”

Oikawa shook his head. “You.” He watched Iwaizumi’s eyes darken and a shiver ran down his spine as he spread his legs. “I want you inside of me, Hajime.”

Iwaizumi stared at him for a beat or two before his brain caught up with his dick, and Oikawa held back a self-satisfied smirk. He kissed Iwaizumi while a hand trailed down his stomach, and he threw his head back when said hand teased his cock and his balls before sliding down further. He didn’t realize he was holding his breath until he felt a nip of teeth at his collarbone and a thumb press against his entrance. He gasped as Iwaizumi moved down to capture his nipple between his lips and teeth, and then there was the click of the cap of lube and a slicked finger at his entrance. Iwaizumi was looking up at him, his eyes dark, but steady, and Oikawa nodded. His eyes fell shut as Iwaizumi’s finger pressed inside of him, and he sighed at the feeling. Oikawa wasn’t a virgin, and he played with himself enough that he knew his limits, but Iwaizumi was still gentle and didn’t add another finger until Oikawa let him know. He started rocking down on his fingers, two now, and pulled Iwaizumi up to his mouth when he curled them just right. “Iwa-” he moaned and panted against his mouth. “If you don’t put another in me I’m gonna kick your ass.”

Iwaizumi nodded and complied easily. Oikawa tugged at his hair as he slipped a third inside. His back arched now as Iwaizumi pressed and tapped at his prostate, his eyes zeroed in on Oikawa’s face. It was intense, the way Iwaizumi was looking at him; his entire focus was on nothing but Oikawa. He felt like his body was on fire, but he wanted more. When he turned to look at Iwaizumi, he seemed to already know what he was going to say. After slipping his fingers out, Oikawa whimpered, which easily turned into a sated hum as he watched Iwaizumi roll on the condom and slick himself up. His hands weren’t shaking, but he was tugging at his bottom lip with his teeth. Oikawa grabbed his hand as he moved to hover over top of him, and he threaded their fingers together. 

Iwaizumi wasn’t looking at him now, his eyes hyper fixated on their hands. “Hajime.” Oikawa squeezed his hand before reaching down and guiding him to his entrance. Iwaizumi gasped at the contact and then groaned as he pressed inside, all the while their eyes never leaving each other. Oikawa’s lips parted, his thighs shaking slightly at the stretch before he pulled Iwaizumi closer, his fingers unwinding from Iwaizumi’s to run through his hair and down his back instead. Iwaizumi didn’t move, but he kissed Oikawa in between gasps and a slight grinding of their hips until Oikawa was ready. He nodded and rocked his hips up, licking into Iwaizumi’s mouth as soon as they found a good rhythm. 

Oikawa felt full, from Iwaizumi’s cock and the way his heart was pounding in his chest when they caught each other’s gazes. Iwaiziumi was ridiculously hot and Oikawa was positive he was sent from the heavens himself by the way he was fucking him, his hips snapping and his kisses were paired with small nips to his bottom lip and neck. But it was more than just good, _amazing_ sex. Iwaizumi was paying attention to every gasp and moan Oikawa made, he kissed him as if Oikawa were the most precious person in the world, even as he fucked him hard. Oikawa’s knees were practically pushed to his chest, his legs thrown over Iwaizumi’s shoulders, but he never stopped kissing him for too long. 

Eventually, Oikawa’s knee started to twitch with pain and before Iwaizumi could worry, he tapped Iwaizumi’s shoulder, flipped onto his stomach, and looked over his shoulder at Iwaizumi. In this position Iwaizumi felt even bigger as he eagerly pushed back inside, his body covering him completely, and Oikawa moaned at the feeling of the sheets against his cock as Iwaizumi fucked into him. His thrusts were long and powerful, his lips on the back of Oikawa’s neck sent a thrill throughout his entire body. He was moaning into one of the pillows before Iwaizumi moved it out of the way, his lips leaning down to brush against Oikawa’s ear. “Wanna hear you, Tooru.” His entire body tightened at that, and Iwaizumi groaned deeply, ducking his head down to press his forehead to the top of Oikawa’s spine. His thrusts quickened, and Oikawa realized he was whining and moaning even louder when Iwaizumi threaded their fingers together and bit into his shoulder. “Fuck. Fuck you sound so pretty.”

Oikawa was torn between rutting into the sheets or thrusting back against Iwaizumi’s cock just before Iwaizumi pressed Oikawa’s legs together in between his own thighs and rolled just right as Oikawa tilted his hips up. Oikawa’s groan caught in his throat as he came, barely noting how Iwaizumi’s own hips faltered. He fell back onto the bed and tried to stop his legs from shaking as Iwaizumi rutted against him, his breath hot against Oikawa’s throat as he came. 

They didn’t move, Oikawa’s legs still trembling as Iwaizumi held his cock inside of him while he caught his breath. Oikawa squeezed his fingers and Iwaizumi pulled out of him, making Oikawa whimper pathetically. He vaguely heard Iwaizumi say something about a towel before he let his eyes fall shut. When he opened them again, it was to whine that the cloth was too cold, and Iwaizumi apologized again before sliding back into the bed. Oikawa let Iwaizumi gather him up onto his chest, and he smiled up at him. Iwaizumi looked at him for a few moments, and Oikawa knew he was checking to see if he was okay. 

“I’m good,” he said. “Very, very tired, but good. So very good, Iwa-chan.” Iwaizumi smiled at that, though he was clearly trying to hide how proud of himself he was. It was sort of adorable, really. “We should do that more often.”

He did smile then, and he laughed before leaning down to kiss him. They did that for a while, kissed and touched each other until they grew too tired to move. Oikawa fell asleep cradled in Iwaizumi’s arms, his face pressed up against his chest, sated and happy. 

At two in the morning, Oikawa woke up to the sound of his phone going off. He ignored it the first two rings, but after Iwaizumi groaned in annoyance, he gave up on sleep and reached over to grab his phone. He chuckled to himself when he saw it was a facetime from Suga. 

"Daichi and I are getting married!" Suga screamed, yes, screamed. His face was so close to the screen that Oikawa wouldn't know it was him if he didn't have caller ID. "He asked me to marry him!"

"I know. And yay!" His voice was groggy, but he smiled nonetheless. Iwaizumi leaned over and settled his head on his shoulder. "Iwa, say yay."

Iwaizumi mumbled out a weak 'yay' and Suga squealed again. "Tooru it was so beautiful and the ring let me show you!" Oikawa got an eyeful of a shirtless Daichi in the bed next to Suga as he angled the phone down to show him the ring. "Look!"

"Suga are you in the middle of sex?"

Suga tilted the camera back up to his face and Oikawa laughed at how red it was. "Um, no?" He giggled and Oikawa heard Daichi mumble something in the background. "Actually... maybe? Um I just remembered I had to tell you after round two and-"

"Suga!" That was definitely Daichi. 

"Oh hush." Suga leaned out of the frame and Iwaizumi made fake gagging noise as the sound of whispers and the rustling of sheets was heard. "Anyway, I just wanted to tell you and let you know because I think we won't be leaving my apartment tomorrow."

"Too much information." Iwaizumi grumbled before turning over onto his side, away from the phone.

Oikawa laughed at him before looking at Suga again. "Okay, okay. I promise I'll squeal with you later when it's not two in the morning."

Suga's eyes widened. "Two in the morning-" he looked over at Daichi before turning red and smirking again. "Oops. Didn't realize we were-"

The phone turned blurry and then the call ended. Oikawa was laughing to himself while Iwaizumi grumbled to himself even more. He got a text a second later. 

**Suga:** Daichi stole my phone ): Sorry, babe, didn't know it was so late! Meet me for lunch tomorrow... not tomorrow but the day after. You know what I mean. I'm going to be spending the day with my FIANCE :D

 **Oikawa:** Happy for you. Lunch "tomorrow" got it. Please don't break him. Broken Daichi means Iwa works more which means I see Iwa less.

 **Suga:** No promises :P

 **Suga:** I'm engaged

 **Oikawa:** Yes, you are :)

Oikawa chuckled to himself before he put his phone away and turned to curl up behind Iwaizumi. "Sorry about that."

Iwaizumi hummed and Oikawa kissed the back of his neck, drawing out another hum that had Oikawa repeating the kiss. He was more awake now, though he was still to tired to do much. His body, however, seemed to not get the memo, and neither did Iwaizumi's. Oikawa gasped when Iwaizumi pressed his ass back against Oikawa, and they both let out matching moans that hung heavily in the air. "Iwa, what-"

Iwaizumi moved again and reached up to grab Oikawa's hand to bring it down the space just below his stomach. Oikawa's breath caught and his fingers twitched when Iwaizumi rocked backward, clearly feeling how hard Oikawa already was against his ass. They were naked, it would be so easy to just- "Touch me." Iwaizumi's voice was sleepy, deep in a way that it sent a shiver up Oikawa's spine. He slid his hand down and grasped Iwaizumi's cock, the two of them moaning together as Oikawa started to roll his hips against him at the same time. He kissed Iwaizumi's neck, sucked at the juncture between his neck and shoulder, and bit down when Iwaizumi cried out and came all over Oikawa's hand. He lasted a few more thrusts against Iwaizumi's ass before he was coming too and Iwaizumi shivered when he felt his come splatter against his back. Oikawa was breathing hard, content to never move again before he got the strength to clean them up with one of the discarded shirts. 

Oikawa pulled Iwaizumi close after that and kissed him until he was surely ready to fall asleep again. "That was..." Iwaizumi nodded, kissing him again before he pulled back and nuzzled against his neck. "Goodnight, Hajime."

"G'night, Tooru."


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ... oops

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took a lot longer to get out than I wanted to ): Holidays came up and those just aren't the best time for me. I wish everyone a Happy New Year!
> 
> I'm thinking maybe 3 or 4 more chapters after this one!
> 
> Comments are always appreciated.

Oikawa wasn’t perfect. As much as wanted other people to think he was, he just wasn’t. He got mad over small things, he had a jealous streak that he knew he needed to get under control, and he overthought things. He worries. He and Iwaizumi slept together and after they had breakfast, Iwaizumi walked Oikawa home and then didn’t text him for two days. Of course, he was going to think that was weird. And okay, maybe it was more like a day and a half and Iwaizumi told him he’d be working a lot the next few days to cover for Daichi, but that didn’t mean he didn’t suddenly get cold feet about Oikawa after sex. Or maybe it was just bad sex and Iwaizumi was trying to figure out a way to dump Oikawa.

Oikawa stopped pacing and laughed to himself. No, that definitely wasn’t it. The sex was… probably the best sex Oikawa’s ever had. Which was saying something considering the fact that Oikawa’s slept with his fair share of people. But with Iwaizumi, everything was more intense. He fell back onto his bed and sighed, remembering the way Iwaizumi touched him, how he kissed him, his skin, the way he filled him and made his toes curl. The sex could not have been bad in any way. Oikawa’s sure of it.  
He sat up and grabbed for his phone. Still no texts from Iwaizumi. Oikawa was worrying for nothing, he knew that. He threw his phone back down. Iwaizumi was working and Oikawa didn’t need to talk to him every day. Even if he wanted to. Even if he really, really wanted to. He was in love, there was no blaming him for his stupid actions. And he couldn’t talk to Suga since he was having a weekend-long sex-fest with Daichi and there was no way Oikawa wanted to get in the middle of that. 

His phone went off and he practically jumped to reach for it, but he sighed and then furrowed his brows in confusion at the caller ID. 

“Hello?”

“Tooru. It’s Ushijima Wakatoshi.” 

Oikawa tried to hold back his laugh. “Uh, yeah, I know who it is, Ushiwaka.”

“I wasn’t sure if you deleted my number or not.”

“Of course I didn’t.” His voice softened. Ushijima, despite his stature, was kind. They didn’t work out and it wasn’t really anyone’s fault. Oikawa didn’t hate him, he wasn’t sure that he ever really could, and there wasn’t any animosity between them. “We’re still friends.”

He could tell Ushijima was smiling through the phone. “I’m glad that we are. You know I’m not good with relationships. I wasn’t sure how to go about calling an ex.”  
“Well, don’t think too hard. Wouldn't want you to hurt yourself.”

Oikawa was ready to pause and wait for Ushijima to get the joke but was instead surprised when he laughed. That wasn’t a sound he was used to. “Funny, Tooru.” Funny? Oikawa pulled the phone back to check that it really was Ushijima on the phone. “I take it you're doing well?”

“Uh,” Oikawa shook his head. “Yeah, yeah, I’m doing well. Really good. I just- Are you? Are you feeling okay?” It wasn’t that Ushijima wasn’t funny or that he didn’t ever laugh, but it always took him a little while to understand jokes like that. And sometimes Oikawa would still have to explain it to him later. He didn’t find it annoying or anything. It was endearing sometimes. But this was odd.

“I’m doing excellent. I’ve fallen in love.” Oikawa blinks once. Then one more time. And he has to check again if it was Ushijima on the phone. “I’m getting married in a month.”

“You’re- Married?” He caught his voice right before it got too loud. “What? To who?”

“Tendou Satori.” Oikawa’s brows drew together. “You’ve met him when we went to Paris? We went to high school together. He has red hair, very tall, very beautiful. He’s funny as well. And he is very good at kissing.”

Oikawa laughed a little at that, more out of shock than anything. He remembered Tendou, barely, but the red hair comment brought back memories. They went to Paris after Ushijima’s first win on the national team and ran into the man. He seemed to understand Ushijima as well as Oikawa did, which was saying something. He remembered liking him and being a little intimidated. To think that he was marrying Ushijima now- Oikawa wondered if he should be feeling some sort of hurt about it. Instead, he felt... Good. Oikawa was happy with Iwaizumi, and even if he didn’t have Iwaizumi, Oikawa wanted nothing more than for Ushijima to find his own person. He just didn’t expect it to be Tendou. 

“Well, you caught me by surprise, but I’m happy for you. And yes, I remember Tendou. I’m...glad he’s a good kisser.” Oikawa laughed. “When did you propose?”

“Two days ago.” Oikawa laughed again. “I love him very much.”

Oikawa smiled. “Good. That’s good.”

There was shuffling on the other side of the phone and then Ushijima was back. “Are you still in Tokyo?”

“No, I’m in Osaka. I went to visit Suga.”

“I liked him.” Oikawa rolled his eyes playfully. Everyone liked Suga. “Osaka is nice. Have you found employment?”

“Oh,” Oikawa blushed to himself and looked around his ugly little apartment. “Uh, no I...I haven’t yet.”

Ushijima hummed and then spoke as though he was giving a speech. “I was calling to ask if you wanted your job back here. There’s still a position and I know the agency liked you, and you would have liked working there.” Oikawa’s mouth twisted down into a frown. Truthfully he never really liked it there all that much, he was simply good at his job and it was conveniently on the way to Ushijima’s training center. They would have carpooled to work. “I keep getting the messages they are leaving on the home phone and they’ve sent a few letters… I didn’t know how to get them to you.”

Oikawa picked at the blanket on his bed. “I’m not sure I can. I… like it here.”

“You always have been much happier on your own.” Oikawa ignored the pain in his voice. It wasn’t anything substantial, but Ushijima still cared for him, Oikawa knew that. “What will you do for finances then? Would you… Would you like me to send more-”

“No, no, no.” Oikawa sat up in bed again. “I couldn’t, and you shouldn’t. You have a wedding and-” Oikawa shook his head. “You’re too kind for your own good. I’m an adult, I’ll… I’ll figure something out. I’ve been looking here.”

Ushijima was quiet on the other end and Oikawa was beginning to feel awkward. “Well, if you insist. But please do let me know if you need anything. Like you said, we’re friends.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Oikawa started to feel nervous on top of the awkwardness. 

They said their goodbyes and Oikawa sighed as he looked around his tiny apartment. He really couldn't stay here. He wasn’t necessarily running out of his savings but he would be soon, and he didn’t want to waste it all on this place. Grabbing up his laptop, Oikawa pulled up his old resume and cringed as he went to update it. He hadn’t worked in a while and he wondered if his experience would be enough to land something decent here, at least enough to afford a new apartment and to feed himself. He frowned and got to work. 

Iwaizumi was tired, emotionally, and physically. He’d been working all day, which wasn’t anything new, but without Daichi there to take on most of the social roles, Iwaizumi was tired of talking to their members. After locking up and thanking Hinata for the hundredth time for volunteering to clean up, Iwaizumi went home. He showered the second he got inside and practically collapsed onto his bed right after he deemed himself dry enough. His body sunk into the mattress and he felt as though he could almost cry in relief. Being social exhausted him more than a hard workout could. All he wanted to do was fall asleep right there, starfished on his bed, but his heart ached for something else. 

He begrudgingly got up to dig his phone out of his gym bag and frowned when he saw all the missed texts. Most of them were from Oikawa, and a few were from Daichi. He fell back onto the bed and quickly skimmed through Daichi’s since they were just updates on when he’d be back and one that he really didn’t want to know about. He laughed to himself before opening Oikawa’s, the smile staying on his face while he read through the messages talking about his day and how he missed him. Iwaizumi felt a bit like a high schooler with a giant crush, even though Oikawa was officially his boyfriend and he was pretty sure he was falling in love fast, Oikawa was like a breath of fresh air. He texted back that he was finally home, and laughed again when his phone immediately started ringing. 

“Can I come over?”

Iwaizumi smiled and closed his eyes. He wondered if it was normal to miss his voice after just 36 hours. “Yeah, of course you can.” He heard traffic in the background and laughed again. “You were already on your way over, weren’t you?”

Picturing Oikawa’s face, his eyes wide and cheeks tinted pink, made Iwaizumi’s heart skip a beat. “Maybe.” 

“You’re an idiot.”

“But I’m your idiot.” Iwaizumi could tell he was smiling, and he couldn’t help but do the same. 

“You’re right. Hurry up, I’m tired.”

“Be there soon!”

Oikawa practically jumped onto Iwaizumi when he opened the door, and Iwaizumi nearly fell over with how tired he was. 

“Hi.” Oikawa mumbled into Iwaizumi’s shoulder before pulling back and smiling at him.

“Hi,” Iwaizumi replied. Oikawa was as beautiful as ever, and Iwaizumi pulled him closer by his hips. “Missed you.”

With a blush on his cheeks, Oikawa leaned in and kissed his lips once, then twice. The second lingering a little bit longer. Iwaizumi resisted the urge to pout when he pulled away. “I missed you too.”

Despite wanting to never move away from Oikawa, Iwaizumi’s body was telling him he needed to move or he’d pass out right there. “Can we go to my room?”

Oikawa smirked and Iwaizumi rolled his eyes. “Oh, Iwa-chan, already trying to get me into bed?”

“Not like that.” He ignored Oikawa’s giggles and turned, pulling his boyfriend along to his room. “As great as that does sound…” He felt his ears burn red and Oikawa laughed a little louder. “I’m exhausted.”

“Okay, okay, okay.” 

Iwaizumi practically fell back into bed and sighed while Oikawa laughed at him from the foot of the bed. He watched with greedy eyes as Oikawa stripped out of his jeans and shot him an overly flirty wink and a smirk as he slowly took off his sweater too. After stripping to his underwear and a t-shirt that looked suspiciously like one of Iwaizumi’s, Oikawa climbed into bed next to him and curled up with his head on his chest. By the time they got comfortable, Iwaizumi’s eyes were already drifting shut.  
He felt Oikawa press a kiss to his chest while his fingers drew shapes on his stomach. His heart ached, he missed him more than he thought he would. “Sorry for being distant lately,” he whispered into Oikawa’s hair. “And for being so tired we can’t talk much or-”

Oikawa leaned up and kissed him, effectively cutting off the start of an anxious rant. Iwaizumi clung to him, his heartstrings tugging. “You’ve been reasonably busy, Hajime. I get you now. Let’s sleep, okay?” Iwaizumi kissed him again and felt Oikawa smile against his lips. “You can’t even keep your eyes open. Sleep, you big oaf.”  
Iwaizumi did as he was told and fell asleep with a smile on his face and Oikawa curled up beside him. 

Waking up to Oikawa beside him was becoming his favorite thing. He pressed kisses to Oikawa’s forehead and cheeks, his pointed nose and then finally his lips. “I know you’re awake.” He whispered before kissing him again, this time getting a smile in return and a few more kisses. “You’re a bad faker.”

Oikawa blinked up at him and rolled his eyes. “Shut up and kiss me.” 

Iwaizumi chuckled and leaned down to do just that. Their kisses were slow, a little lazy from still being half asleep, and perfect. Iwaizumi pulled Oikawa on top of him and they both sighed as his hands traveled up and down his body. It felt so good to touch him, to feel his weight and the press of kisses on his lips, his cheeks, his neck. Iwaizumi groaned when Oikawa sucked beneath his jaw, and he gripped his hips, rolling his own up into him. 

“Hajime-” Oikawa buried his face in Iwaizumi’s neck and rolled down to meet his lazily thrusts. “Can we- I missed you so much.” His voice was breathy, but deeper with sleep still stuck in his throat. Iwaizumi caught his lips in a kiss again and nodded. Iwaizumi opened him up slowly, his eyes half-lidded as Oikawa rolled his hips back to meet his fingers. “Ready.” He panted after a third finger. “Hajime, come on.”

Iwaizumi kissed him as he slicked up his cock and pressed into Oikawa, the two of them gasping as Oikawa sat back to fill himself completely. They didn’t stop kissing, even if half the time they were simply breathing into each other. Oikawa’s fingers were in Iwaizumi’s hair, tugging when Iwaizumi hit the spot that made him see stars. Iwaizumi brought him to orgasm with a few flicks of his wrist and several strong thrusts up into him. He finished in Oikawa’s mouth and they collapsed back onto the bed together. 

“Oh my god.” Oikawa laughed, out of breath, and crawled back over Iwaizumi. His face was flushed red and Iwaizumi was sure his was too. “I might become insatiable if it’s going to be like that every time.”

Iwaizumi turned away and tried to hide his face in his pillow, but Oikawa kissed every inch of his face until he looked at him again. “You’re such an idiot.”

“You’ve said that at least four times since you last saw me.” He smiled cheekily and Iwaizumi was hit with a rush of affection for him. “Tell me something new.”

“You’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen.” Iwaizumi said without hesitation. Oikawa stared down at him with a look of shock on his face and Iwaizumi smirked nervously. “Will that do?”

Oikawa closed his agape mouth and nodded. “Yeah. That’ll do.”

They spent the rest of the morning together, and by lunch, Oikawa was fidgeting in his seat. Iwaizumi was making them sandwiches in the kitchen, and he was nervously trying to think of a way to ask Iwaizumi if he took his medication without seeming like his parent. Oikawa blamed himself for distracting him all morning, and he wanted to be sure he wasn’t the reason Iwaizumi was uncomfortable the rest of the day. 

“Sorry, the avocados were bad so it’s kind of just a boring sandwich.” Iwaizumi set them down on the table and Oikawa smiled and took his. They ate and talked idly about what their days would consist of, and Oikawa put off the question until after lunch at least. “Any luck on the job search?”

Oikawa swallowed his food and frowned down at his plate. “Uh, nothing interesting. I applied to a few places but since I haven’t worked in a while my resume isn't really anything exciting.”

“Right.” Iwaizumi’s foot tapped against Oikawa’s, and he smiled at the comforting gesture. “You’ll find something. No one could say no to Tooru Oikawa.”

Oikawa laughed and shook his head. “Speaking of…Ushijima called me the other day. He was asking about my finances, which of course I told him weren’t really his business anymore. He’s sometimes a little too blunt about those things. But he mentioned my old job, the one that was interested in me before the whole engagement thing? Yeah, they apparently still want me.” He laughed and mumbled under his breath. “Wish I could put _that_ on my resume.” 

After taking another bite, Oikawa looked up to see Iwaizumi’s fingers tapping on the table while his eyes were laser-focused on his own food. “Hey, you okay?” He asked, his mouth still full. Swallowing his food, he took note of the way Iwaizumi’s brow was furrowed and his jaw was clenching and unclenching. “Iwa-”

“Do you want-” Oikawa was surprised by not only the volume of his voice but also it’s depth. He set his food down and watched Iwaizumi try to articulate his thoughts. Was he… jealous? No, that didn’t make sense. Iwaizumi knew that he didn’t work out with Ushijima, there was nothing there. But still why would he- “It’d be a good job, right? The one in-in Tokyo?”

Oikawa nodded slowly, waiting for Iwaizumi to look up at him. His eyes were hard, but Oikawa could tell he was working to keep his jaw relaxed. “It would be but it’s in Tokyo, Iwa. I live here.”

“You rent a month to month apartment here. You don’t really live here.”

He tried to hide his surprise at how snappy Iwaizumi was being. “Well, I don’t want to live in Tokyo.”

“You’d have a job there.” 

“Iwa I don’t-”

“You can’t just live off your ex and your savings Oikawa, that’s not even remotely rational. You can’t be that stupid just because you want to live here and not in Tokyo!” Oikawa didn’t have time to process anything before Iwaizumi pushed back from the table, grabbed his plate and went for the kitchen. 

Oikawa sat there, stunned, as Iwaizumi’s chair fell to the ground. He jumped to his feet when he heard the plate clatter in the sink and the sound of glass breaking. Iwaizumi was in the kitchen, his hands on either side of the sink as he stared down at where the plate must have shattered, muttering under his breath He watched the muscles in Iwaizumi’s arms tense and relax, his shoulders heave up and down, and felt his own heart start to beat a little faster. Iwaizumi was heading towards an episode or he was already in one. Oikawa thought about maybe calling Daichi or Suga, but his phone was in the bedroom and he didn’t want Iwaizumi to think Oikawa couldn’t handle him. And "handle" was the wrong word, wasn’t it?

Oikawa took steps forward until he could reach out and touch him. “Iwa-Hajime.” Iwaizumi was breathing heavily and he was clearly trying to ignore Oikawa. “I need you to tell me what you need me to do.”

“Shut up.” Oikawa tried not to react to how quickly Iwaizumi reacted, but he couldn’t help but flinch a little. “You don’t-you don’t think, Oikawa. You don’t use your head.” That hurt, if Oikawa were to be honest. He wasn’t stupid, and he didn’t think Iwaizumi thought he was. He watched Iwaizumi turn to him. “Why wouldn’t you go to Tokyo? You could get experience and then find something better but you’d rather-rather be here because of what? Because you like it better? That’s fucking stupid. You’re being stupid and not even thinking straight.”

Oikawa stood taller with every sentence and felt his jaw clench, his hands starting to sweat. “I’m not stupid, Iwa-”

“I didn’t fucking say you were stupid, Oikawa! I said you’re being stupid! What’s here for you anyway? Nothing more important than being able to fucking support yourself or-”

“Don’t cut me off!” Oikawa was surprised by how loud his own voice was, but not by how shaky it was. “Don’t-don’t talk to me like I’m a child or some idiot who doesn’t know how to take care of themselves. And I have something here, I have Suga and-”

“Friends are a stupid reason to stay somewhere. You have Ushijima in-”

“Ushijima is not my friend, Iwa! He’s my ex!” Oikawa ran his fingers through his own hair and tugged at the strands. He needed to calm down if Iwaizumi wasn’t going to. This wasn’t how he wanted to talk about this. “We should...Let’s talk about this after you’ve- Iwa you need to take your medication.”

When Oikawa met Iwaizumi’s eyes, he wasn’t sure what he expected to see. But he didn’t expect him to laugh. It wasn’t a laugh of relief, it contained no joy. It was full of anger, maybe hurt. Mostly it was full of a hatred for Oikawa he could feel in his bones. “Fuck you.” Oikawa was stunned into a silence that amplified the beating of his heart in his throat. “You were going to say me too, weren’t you? But you can’t even handle this, Oikawa. How the fuck do you expect to stay with me if you-”

“Stop!” Oikawa stepped out of the kitchen and took long strides to Iwaizumi’s room. His hands were shaking as he pulled open the side drawer and looked for the bottle of pills. He felt frantic. Scared. Not for himself, not for his safety. But for Iwaizumi. Oikawa knew he'd hate himself if Oikawa didn't stop this now. 

“Don’t touch my shit.”

He ignored Iwaizumi’s voice that was coming from the doorway and twisted off the cap of the bottle. He poured out the pills and stuck his hand out to Iwaizumi. “Now, Hajime.” His hands were trembling, his entire body was. 

“I’m not a fucking dog, Oikawa-”

“Hajime Iwaizumi if you don’t take these pills right now I will shove them down your throat myself.” Oikawa surprised himself with the steadiness of his voice and the way his eyes didn’t waver from Iwaizumi’s. “Now. I’m serious.”

Iwaizumi stared at him from across the room, his arms crossed and his eyes hyper-focused on the hand Oikawa was holding out. Oikawa stood his ground as Iwaizumi walked forward, and he watched as Iwaizumi took the pills. “Suga’s getting married and he’s going to leave.” Iwaizumi’s tone was unwavering. “You should go too. Before he does.” He swallowed the pills dry in front of Oikawa. 

They stared at each other for what felt like hours before Oikawa could get his body to move again. He walked past Iwaizumi and shut the door behind him before hesitating at Daichi’s room. He settled on shutting himself into the bathroom. A smart choice considering that the moment he heard Iwaizumi throwing something in his room, Oikawa threw up his lunch into the toilet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please take Iwaizumi's words and Oikawa's reactions with a grain of salt. They will be explained soon!


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg a surprise chapter that's not weeks later?? Shocking right? Hahaha. I'm feeling a little better lately and suddenly wanted to write. 
> 
> Here's a reminder that you deserve a clean space, no matter what. Also, drink some water and get some rest. I hope you enjoy this chapter. I am in love with Daichi.

Iwaizumi stared hard at the carpet. It was the same carpet he’s been staring at off and on for the past few years and yet he’s staring like it’s the first time he’s seen it; as if there’s something interesting about grey carpet. Daichi is beside him, probably thinking about how tired he is: of being in this office, not getting enough sleep, missing out on time with his fiance, and how tired he is of Iwaizumi. At this point, Iwaizumi has no idea why Daichi stays anymore and he’s too afraid to ask. He doesn’t want Daichi to pin those big puppy-dog-like eyes on him and say “because you’re my friend and I love you” because Iwaizumi’s tired of hearing that. He feels selfish for thinking that way, ungrateful even, especially when he knows so many people who don’t have anyone. He thinks of his support group and how at least four of the people in there lost everyone they ever cared about by age forty. Iwaizumi doesn’t want to get to that point. He doesn’t want to lose Daichi or Suga, and he can’t lose Oikawa again.

Which was why he was there at Ennoshita’s office, waiting to see him. 

Daichi’s quiet as they walk back to his car and Iwaizumi, though feeling a little better, isn’t ready to talk. He knew he fucked up. He hadn’t taken his medication since Daichi’s proposal to Suga and he knew that was wrong. That it was beyond stupid. Ennoshita was two seconds and an end of a session from yelling at Iwaizumi, but he didn’t need it. Seeing Oikawa like that was enough. He wasn’t as bad as he could have gotten, he knew that, but it was bad enough for him. He was an asshole, a grade-A douchebag, and the way he was talking to Oikawa made him want to throw up right then. He hated that the only positive about that episode was that he didn’t hurt Oikawa. Instead, he ruined his nightstand, but he held himself together. He tried his breathing routine and he felt like it was working until Oikawa brought up his medication. 

Iwaizumi stopped just before opening the passenger side door of Daichi’s car and closed his eyes. He already cried before and during his session with Ennoshita but the memory of Oikawa’s big, terrified eyes and his trembling hand was playing in Iwaizumi’s mind again and he felt tears spring back up. Before he could stop himself he was throwing up again. Daichi was by his side in an instant his hand resting on Iwaizumi’s back, rubbing circles in a comforting motion, but it only made Iwaizumi cry harder. 

“Breathe.” Daichi’s voice was steady, always a soothing comfort. “Here, come on drink some water.”

He handed Iwaizumi a bottle of water and he took it gently. “Thanks,” he barely managed to get out. After swishing it around and spitting out any aftertaste, Iwaizumi drank a few sips. “Sorry.”

Daichi hummed and took the water bottle back. “Don’t apologize to me. Let’s go.”

Iwaizumi took a few moments to breathe before he got into the car and let Daichi start the drive back home. Iwaizumi started feeling anxious after about three minutes of silence. “Daichi, I-” He took a breath and tried to make his voice stop shaking. “I’m sorry. I know you don’t want me to apologize but I am sorry. I’ll do better, okay? I know I need to, I know I can. I want to. I got excited for you and-and that’s not an excuse. I need to pay attention to that and go to more sessions, and I will. I’m going to go to that retreat Ennoshita suggested, alright? I’m going to do better.”

Daichi didn’t say anything for almost too long. “I know you can do better. And I know that you know you fucked up.” He sighed as they came to a red light. Iwaizumi watched as Daichi chewed on his bottom lip, a nervous habit that he rarely reverted to, and Iwaizumi felt awful that he was the one bringing it out. “I can tell you’re still worried I’m going to leave, that Suga’s going to leave. I can see it when we talk or when you start to get anxious. I mean, you’re my best friend, and when you don’t come to me about those things I just-” His grip tightened on the steering wheel as he pressed down on the gas pedal at the green light. “I wish you’d trust me. I wish you’d trust Suga and-and even Oikawa. I wish you’d trust yourself. You know what’s right and wrong. You know what you need to do, and to start that’s taking your medication. So you just have to do it. It’s not an option. It’s not something you can forget anymore or-”

“I know.”

“You do know!” Daichi’s voice was louder now, and Iwaizumi faced forward. Daichi doesn’t yell a lot, but when he does it’s a little scary, but mostly it means he’s just so frustrated he doesn’t know what else to do. He’s only ever yelled at Iwaizumi. “You know you can’t skip and yet you do and-and I know Ennoshita told you all of this before but-” He pulls off on the side of the road and Iwaizumi braces himself when Daichi turns to him. He wouldn’t hit him, but Iwaizumi can’t handle looking at Daichi and knowing he made him this frustrated. “Iwa you have Oikawa now. You got the guy you’ve been hung up on for years and years and you were so god damn happy and I just don’t-I don’t want you to-” 

Iwaizumi looked over at the sound of a sob catching in Daichi’s throat. Fuck. He made Daichi cry. Tears sprung up in his own eyes at the sight of his friend looking at him like he was broken again. He blinked and hardened his jaw as Daichi reached out and put a hand on the side of Iwaizumi’s face, forcing him to look at him. 

“When you called me you were- Iwa you were saying you wanted to hurt yourself again. You were out of it I think but I can’t lose you like that, man. I can’t lose my best friend when there’s an obvious solution and you just won’t-”

Iwaizumi pulled Daichi across the middle console and wrapped his arms around him in a tight hug. “I’m sorry.” He mumbled by Daichi’s ear. Daichi gripped him tightly in return and he held him while Daichi tried to calm down. “I’m sorry I put you through that shit again, Daichi, I mean in.” 

Daichi nodded and let out a shuddering breath. “Don’t ever fucking scare me like that again, okay?”

Iwaizumi smiled sadly. “Okay." His voice broke and Iwaizumi knew they probably looked ridiculous right now. Two grown men crying and hugging inside of a too-small car on the side of the road. He pulled back and clapped his hand on the side of Daichi’s face as they pulled away. “Sorry for making you cry.”

Daichi wiped his face roughly and huffed a half-hearted laugh. “Don’t tell anyone that happened.”

“I won’t.” He said softly, watching Daichi carefully pull back onto the road. “Suga might give his ring back if he knew you were hugging me like that.”

He was rewarded with a laugh from his friend and a good punch to his shoulder. 

Oikawa woke up to see a hand on his shoulder, gentle and much smaller than his own. Blinking open his eyes, he frowned at the strain in his back and neck. “Suga?” He’s graced with a soft smile and a nod from his friend. Suga helped him up and off the floor of the bathroom he’d apparently fallen asleep on, and led him out of the room. 

Oikawa’s back popped as he stood tall and his eyes immediately fell to Iwaizumi’s room. “Where’s Iwa?”

The room was clean, the bed was even made. Oikawa suspected Suga had something to do with it. “He went to see Ennoshita.” Suga sighed as they sat down on the couch in the living room. He cut Oikawa’s next question off. “Daichi took him so don’t worry.”

Oikawa frowned but nodded. “He called you?”

Suga nodded and pulled his knees up to his chest. Oikawa copied him. Their toes touched on the cushions; it made him laugh a little. “You okay?”

Oikawa nodded again. “Tired.” He could feel Suga’s eyes on him, deciding whether or not to ask questions yet. “I’m okay, though. Really. I’m more worried about Iwa.”

The two of them sat there for a few breaths before Suga wiggled his toes. “How was he?” He asked quietly. 

Oikawa didn’t have to ask for clarification. “Angry,” he started. “It was quick, too. Like one moment we were fine and then I looked up and he was just agitated. I think-I think he left to calm down but I might have pushed him when I asked him to take his medication before talking about everything but-” He shook his head. “I wasn’t scared of him, you know? I mean, he wasn’t… I didn’t think he was going to hurt me or anything he was just being an ass but like… times three.”

Suga hummed in acknowledgment like he knew what he meant. Probably because he did. “You were right to ask about medication, Tooru. It may have set him off a bit but you didn’t do anything-”

“Suga, I love you, but I know.” He gave his friend a small smile. “I know he was in the wrong, that his disorder doesn’t… it doesn’t give him excuses but I really am okay. I've dealt with worse, being yelled at like that and all. I was just- I’m sure you also cleaned up my throw up.” Suga nodded and gave him a grimacing smile. Oikawa laughed. “Thanks for that.” He said softly. “I was just nervous, you know? Like too much adrenaline and I just ate so… I was more scared of how Iwa would feel when he felt better. I just wanted to stop everything, to pause the argument until he was himself.”

Oikawa knew that if Iwaizumi said something worse if he even thought about something worse, he'd hate himself even more than he already was. Oikawa wasn't excusing Iwaizuimi's actions but he was adult enough to understand what was happening, he knew it wasn't what Iwaizumi meant. He's dealt with people yelling at him in the heat of the moment and while this was different in some ways, Oikawa knew how Iwaizumi felt about him. He knew Iwaizumi would be beating himself up over this, along with Ennoshita and Daichi, that he didn't need to hold anymore resentment about it. He just.. He wanted to see him. He needed to.

Suga nodded, his eyes watching Oikawa. “You’re better at this when I was.” He said after a few moments. Oikawa raised a brow in question. “I was kind of scared of him at first, and his anger wasn’t even at me. Daichi came home with a cut on his lip and I was ready to slap Iwa-” he laughed at the memory and Oikawa gave him a small, sad smile. “Daichi was fine, I mean I was used to seeing him beat up a bit with the kickboxing lessons but he told me it was Iwa and I just…” he shook his head. “I love Iwa, and I’m not scared of him. I don’t think he’d hurt anyone like that anymore, he’s gotten so much better and- I just don’t want either of you to get hurt.” 

Oikawa nodded, “I know.”

“But I mean it, Tooru. If he ever gets like that it’s best to just remind him and then leave. He knows to take them, okay? And no more sleeping in the bathrooms.”

Oikawa put his legs down and pulled Suga into a hug. “Anyone ever tell you you’re the best friend?”

Suga smiled into Oikawa’s shoulder. “Not enough.”

Oikawa laughed and rolled his eyes before pulling away. “You’re a baby.”

“Very true.” He smiled proudly before sighing. “We should probably get going. I don’t know if we should be here when they get back.”

Oikawa shook his head. “No, I’m-I’m going to stay.”

“Tooru-”

“I want to see him, Suga.”

Suga looked at him with his big brown eyes and Oikawa wondered if he would ever stop looking so sincere and full of nothing but love. He was lucky to have someone like Suga. “Okay,” he finally gave in. “But if he wants us to leave we will.”

Ten minutes later Oikawa turned at the sound of the door unlocking. He watched as Daichi came in, giving him a small, tired smile before Iwaizumi followed in behind him. Oikawa didn’t know what reaction he was expecting but Iwaizumi meeting his eyes and immediately starting to cry wasn’t one of them.

**Author's Note:**

> [Art](https://interstellarhitchhiker.tumblr.com/post/640358484107558912/comic-form-of-the-dramatic-ending-of-the-most) for this chapter by Interstel!! Thank you so much for all your love on this series :')


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